Hopeful

Kelly, I am SO sorry! My first thought while reading your post is that they really need your organizational skills!!!! At the end my thought is that someone's relative wanted the job! I bet the Manager was too embarrased to tell you himself...

about the rest, please hang in there. We all care and are praying things will turn around. Take care and keep in touch!

Karen

Girl we all take that personal. I was a manger for many years and many times those decisions are changed at the last minute for a lot of reasons: one of the canidates turned out to be the owners nephew, someone within decided at the last minute to go ahead and apply, etc. Listen if you were not sharp and carried yourself well you would not have been there as long as you were. You are obviously very good at what you do and from what I have observed you will not be out of work long if thats what you desire.

This is the second time you said you were headed for the mental hospital. What you are is tired. I would in know way tell you not to go because I am not a doctor. What I will say is, from reading a ton of transcripts from you, if you have serious mental problems you hide them very well. Hell we all have those thoughts we would tell no one. I always looked at it like this, they don't lock you up for the thoughts you have, its when you act on them is when the problems start. You can think about robbing a bank day and night and no problem, when you stick that gun and note in your pocket the SH-- is on.

You are in a bad spot with the financials, pain, and work. I know because I am there right now. I have not worked since my cancer operation and I just looked I have $1.35 left to my name and on top of it I had to get another operation to correct some things from the first. What I am saying is I do understand, again I am there.

This SH-- takes its toll on us, hell its depressing. If you need rest go get it and come out fighting. Just don't feel mentally defective because life has kicked you in the face. I was a boxer in the army (for recreation) so I can spot tough and you are tough. I would like to see you get a nights rest and go back at it. Honey you ain't going to lay down for long, it just ain't you and these darn problems are still going to be there. You do what you need to do but most of all pray for guidance and

KEEP THE FAITH
ERIC

OK all of what you just told me is depression. Now you are able to handle every issue that you just told me about. Actually they will be very simple to handle. We have to get your mental state settled. You are not broken down you are tired and scared. The things you are scared of, you also have the capability to fix also. I also have no support from the family and thats why I feel comfortable in saying the things I do.

You need to get ahold of the depression and I do not know what if anything you are taking or doing for that. Once that is cleared up the rest is a piece of cake. You only have two choices, either lay down and let everybody walk all over you or get a grip and lets get the SH-- fixed. Sounds to simple but if you see it another way please explain because in 52 years I have never seen it any other way.

I would send you my $1.35 but it cost more than that to mail it. My point is I feel like SH-- also and have no where to go and I have been cut (Surgical) from bottom to top and I am unable to work. I have faith in a higher power and that does not mean he is going to put money in my pocket or a roof over my head. It means he has given me the brains to figure this out and to do something about it. We both could be in a lot worse spot.

Now if you need to get to the hospital, go. I do know that you need to get the depression fixed so that is where I would start. You said moms is temorary so lets get going you don't have much time. I would suggest you either get to the hospital for some rest or get to a doctor for the depression and pain. Pick one and get off your butt and get going and we will be here for you when you get back. I'll be praying and suggest you do the same.

girl you KEEP THE FAITH
ERIC

Post Edited (Rock50) : 1/17/2007 7:47:13 PM (GMT-7)

Thank you, Rock and Dave for your support.  Just knowing that you care is enough.  I have to do the hard work.  I have to find a life worth living.  It is not easy right now.  This is my bottom.  I'm moving in with Mom on the 28th.  All of the packing needs to be done and I have to say goodbye to a lot of things that made my house a home.  I still can't believe that it has come to this. 

Unfortunately, the weather is changing here like rapid fire.  This is causing bad migraines for me.  I hurt my back too and have been dealing with that as well.  I went to the pain doc (again) today and she prescribed me "Darvocet."  I am still going to try to work and see if the Darvocet will help me get through a work day. 

Otherwise, I'm depressed and mad at myself too.  You see, God wants me to stop worrying about this but I can't.  God wants me to stop feeling "prideful" and yet I still am.  When people come to help, I am extremely limited in what I can contribute.  The old Kelly would make a project plan, gather boxes, have all of the necessary supplies, people lined up, etc.  I am just living on a wing and a prayer here.  Mom is helping and hopefully some church friends will come through too.

I called the hospital Monday night.  They said that the way it works these days is you are there until you "de-escalate" and then you are sent home.  I don't think that is really going to help at this point.  As long as I don't do anything stupid, I'm better off at home in my own bed with my doggie with me. 

I'm just trying to live one day at a time.  I'm hoping that you are doing the same.

Kelly