Obsessive thoughts enjoyable but not by others

others in their life, does that still qualify as something in the realm of OCD? Or is it an addiction? And what role does anxiety play -- especially if the more anxious one is the more one desires this "thing"?

If one is waking up several times a night thinking about this "thing", and also thinking about it throughout one's day, and having it dominate one's conversations daily... if one spends hundreds of dollars on accessories and accoutrements for this "thing", spends time on the internet in search of this "thing", arranges one's day around this "thing"...

Sounds like an addiction, huh?

What makes a compulsion a compulsion? Does one necessarily have to not like it?

Actually, I think this is a mood-related disorder. And I think there's an anxiety component.

If it were my kid, I'd know what to do, but this is someone I cannot step in for and take over

How do you lead someone to help when they don't think they need help? Or they think that this is the one "thing" that makes them happy, so taking that away from them leaves them with nothing to look forward to (that's practically a direct quote) -- I know I'd say they have a pretty sad and tenuous existence. But what to do...

I was trying to be a little vague, I guess for the sake of simplicity and identity because of how complicated it is -- yes I am very close to this person and it affects me intensely because I am expected to be as interested or involved with this "thing" as this person is. And when I'm not showing the same level of interest, this person vacillates between hostile and depressed. This person's whole outlook on life depends on this "thing". You could say it's an extreme, obsessive form of a hobby. I liken it to a child who likes to play Monopoly with their friend, to the exclusion of any other leisure activity, but wants to play with real money, and wants to dress the part of the banker, developer (whatever, this is just an example), and expects you to do the same. And can't enjoy the game or their life if it's not played to their exact specifications. They also collect any and everything that has to do with Monopoly. They will call you during the day to ask about Monopoly and it's a rare day when the subject of Monopoly doesn't come up.
If you want the details, let me know and I'll email you privately.

(I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed with my life lately -- three kids, one of which has a chronic disease that requires surgery in a couple of months, two of the kids with ADHD one of which is extreme, a spouse with unmedicated ADHD and dizzy/nausea spells with a history of blacking out while driving, and my own anxiety/depression.)

debaser said...

Perhaps he's experiencing some of the same stressors you are and this "thing" is a form of escape that he's taken too far?

Oh, I think that sums it all up pretty well

We went to a counselor once but that was for his ADHD symptoms and while the other issues he had were attempted to be discussed, things got out of hand and he ended feeling persecuted for the ADHD stuff -- basically a bad match with a counselor who had her own emotional baggage that was getting in the way. Nearly caused a divorce.

Well, his GP wants me to come in and discuss the issues under the pretext of something for myself (not sure how ethical that is, but he's aware that something else is going on that DH won't discuss and wants me to lay out the big picture for him). So maybe that's what I need to do...

Thanks for listening. I realize it's hard to offer advice when the specifics are presented so vaguely.

I guess one question I have is how do I know that this outlet has been taken too far? Is it because it bothers me, is distasteful to me, and such a source of friction? Am I the one with the problem because it bothers me and anybody else would be more accepting? I don't expect anyone here to have all the answers... just need to air out some thoughts I guess, and I'll need to talk to the "professionals" about it.

I think that the way you've described it, its obviously an unhealthy obsession, especially when he gets miffed when other people don't want to obsess about it too. I think thats the part that needs to be worked on - him understanding that not everyone else cares about this thing as much as he does, and just to be happy with it as his personal hobby. The key to any mental disorder is the answer to the question: "is it interfering with your everyday life?". Clearly the answer is yes in this case, which definitely warrants attention. I don't think you should feel bad about not liking this obsession, it clearly dominates his life. Letting one thing do that is not healthy, period.
This is a really interesting case and I hope you find some help with it!

Thanks very much to all of you -- while I don't hope for a quick solution, because this obsession has been with him since before we met in 1988, I just would like to see a de-escalation because it's gotten more and more complex and expanded as time has gone on and he's had more disposable income to buy the stuff he uses for it and had internet access to it. I did find an addiction message board that is specific to his particular situation, so maybe that will also bring some guidance.