Went too deep in a mind maze, now I'm stuck

This may seem like I've been on hardcore drugs, or I'm psychotic or schizo, but it isn't. I've been pretty much the rational guy all my life. But for a while I've been building anxiety or something like it from trying to figure out what life is. And I feel like as long as I don't find answers to my question life is going to seem irrational for me, which causes me to severely panic.

It's weird. I doubt in everything now. Every single one of my thoughts and reactions are analyzed and I feel very distant to myself. Like I'm not there anymore, like I'm just acting acording to some old reflexes I used to have. Like I'm just a copy of what I think I've been before now.

It all started when I began thinking about how the universe was created. I've never been into religion. So when I thought about where humans come from the answer was earth. Earth comes from the universe. Universe comes from big bang. Big bang comes from where? God? And what is time? Why does it go by every second? How long does a thought last? What if everyone around me was just some sort of image? What if I'm alone in this world with a real conscience? What is my conscience? Where does it come from? What if just suddenly turned off? What if I lose control? Why do I act like this talk like this think like this?

I feel like the world is unreal now. And it's scary. I just wish I'd have never thought of all that.

The good thing is, I know all humans have or will at least once in their lives think about stuff like that. Tons of philosophy books, fiction books, movies, have been created on those subjects. Humans have been living since the dawn of time with things they couldn't understand without going mad like I am.

Anyone ever felt like the world wasn't real anymore, and they couldn't get back to their old self? Am I'm doomed to live in panic until I lose all affections I can give life? Will I really go mad? How am I supposed to cope with rationnal ideas causing anxiety, while there are no rational answers to those questions? What happens when you deeply doubt everything you are and think?

Sorry, I wish I could post something less pessimistic right now. I'm pretty desperate. Feel like I'm trapped in a rotting mind.

part of your problems might be derealisation, read about it on the net

I have the same problem. Then extreme derealization follows when I ponder these same thoughts.

My recommendation to you is to not think about them ALONE but to discuss them with someone else that you trust.

I talk about these thoughts with my sister; and we almost make up our own philosophies. It helps to know that not only am I having the derealization during these questions me and her ponder; but she too has the derealization.

Derealization is the feeling of basically unreality. Everything starts to feel fake, the world around you is not how you would normally think it should be, and you feel like your in a bubble or you're not really there. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but I've had it for 9 years, and it is not fun.

*BIG HUGS TO YOU FLOATING*

Know that you're not alone!

And welcome to Healing Well.

Twiggygal~

I've talked about the subjects causing my anxiety with my friends, and for a while it calms me down. But I feel like the derealisatio n will eventually come back. I don't know about therapy. I pretty much know the things in my life I have to change to relieve myself of stress. Still, I think the anxiety causing thoughts will still be there.

Is there drugs for to fix this? Do they last only for a while? Do you have to take em all your life? I'm 24 and my life was starting to look like what I've always dreamed of living. All I hope is that it won't be screwd for all I should have left to live. But there's a lot of hope in your replies and other posts in the forum.

Thanks again for your attention suggestions and support.

Wow. It's amazing how within 24hours you can feel like life is the real hell, and then later feel back like your normal self again. I started this thread at about the same time yesterday, thinking I was gone forever, and that if I'd have to go on like this for the rest of my life I'd either kill myself or become a numb vegetable.

And it's true, no matter how much it banged between my ears, I didn't go crazy, still myself, still can see the difference between dream and reality, and the world hasn't changed a bit.

Today i've talked about all I felt and my anxiety thoughts to some friends. Took low dosage of the doc's pills which are meant to help sleep better on high dose, and reduce stress on low dose. I've kept my mind busy on a video editing project, read some more on this forum, and spent time with friends.

All these simple things reduced the anxiety about 95% for today. I wasn't hungry at all before, and now the apetite's back strong. I know the battle's only half won, but now with this anxiety break i've had today, and being able to feel myself again just for 8 hours, gives a hell of a lot of hope that things can get better. And while I've had this break from anxiety, I've took the time to think and seperate paranoïa from what's real, so if it all strikes again I hope doing this will help me convince myself that my fears are abstract crap.

But there's a couple of could things from high anxiety I might miss. I've noticed that reaction time is increased while playing fighting game on playstation with my friends. I beat em easy while usually it's a big struggle. And while doing weight lifting during an attack, I was noticeably stronger than usual, and seemed like I didnt get tired from the execise. And when you're off it, it's like being born again. Like a second chance to life.

And thank you again so much for your support. I counts so much when you think you're alone in the universe who's going down and no one can help.

The doc gave me some Ativan (which is how we call it in french, maybe it's the same in english), it works on anxiety, and I think people usually take this when they have insomnia. I seem to be going up the slope for the last couple of days. I've got a lot of support from people around me, and comprehension when I talk about how I feel and why. And realize lots of people around have felt the same way before, and it's encouraging to see they got out of it. Also doing the things I used to like, listening to the music I used to like, even if at first it doesn't seem to bring any satisfaction, eventually it does a bit. On During my highs I still get the automatic negative thoughts, but the seem to be dim with little impact on how I feel. So I know for sure its just anxiety and not thinking making me go crazy. Anyway, I still feel fragile, but going up a bit day by day, is encouraging and helps me know for sure that this can and will end. I just don't know when yet, and I won't worry about that. And everytime I get a high, I try to enjoy the simplicity of life.

I've also learned that when anxious about irrational stuff, even if it seems absurd for the moment, because all you want to do is chase the negative thoughts away, it's really a good idea to start working on the stress agents happening elsewhere in your life. Even if you don't feel that they are the actual problem.

I'll never say this enough, thanks for your support, input and suggestions. I feel like without this forum I would be sinking deeper instead of moving back up.