Twiggy,
One does not just turn this off; however, from my experience, and many others I've talked to in AA, there comes a point where the compulsion to drink goes away. This will only happen, from my experience, if you go to AA regularly, get a sponsor and work the 12 steps. I've tried every other method and theory out there and the most it could buy me was 10 days, now I have 16 months. I should have gone in to detox four years ago, but I tried to manage my withdrawal by taking codeine then to manage the withdrawal from Codeine, I was taking klonopin and valium (good thinking huh?). Then I would end up in withdrawal from all that stuff and couldn't make it past noon without a drink and the cycle would start all over again, for four years.
I haven't gone through many of the things others have, yet, but here is my story. I am 35 now and started drinking at 12 on the school bus in the morning. By the time I was 16, I was drinking 5 days a week, morning, lunch and night. I was also getting high 24/7, doing cocaine and crystal meth. I was in 5 car accidents (all off road) that involved drinking and I walked away from all of them. One night I jumped my pickup into a tree at 55 mph. My friend and I had seatbelts on and we walked away. My best friend's brother was in a drunk driving accident and I drank before going to the hospital to see him. I had a friend die from drunk driving our senior year, it had no effect on me. I barely remember college, except for all the next day stories about the crazy stuff I did. I woke up in jail with no idea of why I was there (they put me in solitary because I was so out of control). I woke up several timse with black eyes, cracked ribs, clothes covered in blood with no idea of what happened. By the time I was a senior, I had a bunch of friends whose names I did not know because I met them when drunk and was too embarassed to ask when sober. I got hired to work at a liquor store because I was there every day and the manager got to know me. I drank every single night I worked and sometimes got into arguments with customers. I screwed up nearly every date I went on because I always got so drunk (its hard to call for a second date when you don't remeber the first). After college, I went from a going out partying drunk to a stay at home drunk. I was drinking at least a litre of vodka every night. The next day included anxiety, shakes, fogginess, etc. I always got my work done and did a good job, so no one suspected anything. The only thought that kept me going most days was that at 5:00 I can drink again. I would fill my coffee mug with vodka in the morning and grab some ice before I left work so I could drink 5 shots on my hour long commute home. This went on ok until four years ago when I realized I had a problem. I half-assed AA and got a few months under my belt and then began sneaking drinks again. One morning I woke up and swore this was it, but on the way home I bought a half gallon of vodka. I finished about 2 pints and got so pissed off that I couldn't beat this thing that I threw it and all the full beers at my house over my fence, and into the street almost hitting a neighbor who was out walking. A week later I was in a 30 day inpatient rehab. I stayed 2 days and left. Soon after I began sneaking drinks again. Eventually I found myself on the alcohol, codeine, valium cycle. This whole mess ended up with me showing up for a parent teacher conference completely wasted. I went into detox 6 hours later and still had a .2 BAC. I then got into a 6 week outpatient program and once again tried to half-ass AA and fake out my counelors. Halfway through the program, I was at home (after being kicked out for a while) alone with my 4 year old and 1 year old and I left to get some booze. When my wife came home, I was clearly intoxicated and when she found out I had left the kids home alone to get the booze she kicked me out indefinitey (and this was around Christmas). That was my bottom. The next day, I got a sponsor, started going to an AA meeting every day and working the 12 steps. The first 30 days were hell, the next 30 marginally better, but at 90 days, I no longer had the compulsion to drink. I got to go back home, back to work and have been leading as much of a normal life as possible with anxiey and depression. Its a much better life than before, even though it isn't easy. I wish you luck because I know how hard it is.
Meg,
After a while, you'l just look at the bottle shop as another business, or you'll look at it with some disdain because of all the problems it caused you. I wish you luck as well.