Newly off meds - love some feedback

Hi all,

(Disclaimer: My opinions about my condition only apply to me; I have no opinion or judgment about what others need to do for themselves. Thanks~)

After five years of 200 mg Zoloft 1-2Mg Xanax and Ambien when needed (more often than not), I am med-free and sleeping like a baby.

It's not all love & light; the anxiety comes & goes; however an interesting thing - I can make the distinction that the anxiety is not necessarily related to my external situations, therefore I can move through it with much more ease than I ever had.

Ive had an anxiety condition most of my life, but was only prescribed for it five years ago. The med really were a miracle and I'm grateful for being on them.

Somehow, organically, I just felt it was time to go off. I tried a couple of times before and it wasn't right, but it seemed pretty easy.

Pros: My creativity has exploded! I'm working artist and retired musician and am taking up a new instrument and want to play publicly again. My libido is finally waking up - (I *really* missed that~) and I'm able to cry again - believe it or not. You know, the good kind, at movies books etc. My cousin informed me she has breast cancer today and I actually teared up. When I was on the meds, I could see a car accident and not flinch.

Cons: Anxiety is back, but so far, manageable. Also, Ive been getting a bit hyper, manic in a sense (I'm not bi-polar), and tend to be irritable - very, and a bit confrontational. I think this is tied to when I'm tired or stressed.

My husband and I have returned to a vegetarian diet, which I think is really helping, plus I have a gym membership that I am starting again, as well as started hiking again. I know that the exercise will really help, but I tend to have a hard time motivating myself in that area.

Most of my friends I've confided in are very supportive, as well as my husband. My mom is very fear-based and keeps saying "you know, there's no shame in being on meds - you can go back," yada, yada yada.

I don't feel any shame at all - it's not a matter of that - that's her stuff. Somehow it was just time for me. Sure, if it all collapses, I don't have a problem going back on a lower dosage, but I choose to believe that I am not beholden to this particular treatment anymore and can find other holistic ways of dealing with this (at least I believe this now...)

Actually - now the hard work really starts - finding time to slow down, meditate, exercise, make clean food choices, etc. which takes a bit more motivation (at least for me) than maintaining my med schedule.

Thanks for taking time to read this long post. It's great to know that there are boards like this. I *love* the Internet Age! Any info, positive personal experience is greatly appreciated.

If a person can go three months without meds and not be miserable with anxiety symptoms, then the break couldn't be anything but a good thing. It took a lot of guts to try that, I bet.

hi,

i have been off and on with pharmaceuticals. i am really trying to stay on it this time, even as i try new things that might make my life better. i certainly don't want to take the medicine, sometimes when i go to the bathroom i worry that i am making some fish grow extra genitals all because of me.

i feel it's time though to follow doctor's orders so i can stop the cycling in and out

-- mk

Maybe a changeup in doctors/meds is called for? Don't get too down about it. You still have some options.

Thanks all for your support & comments.

Yes - I went off unsupervised.

The episode cumulated today in very intense behavior which included me throwing a bowl of lentil soup against a kitchen wall. It also explains some overspending $$ in the last few weeks.

I was so freaked I was looking up stuff on the bipolar boards and got even more depressed as I would never take those meds. However, the more I thought of it, the less possible I think it is. In my journeys, it appears that being on Zoloft for 4-5 years would make a bipolar person trigger a manic episode, which I've never had on Zoloft.

My MD has not called back (not atypical) and I'll probably hear from her tomorrow. I promised my husband to start taking the meds again until I consult with her about dosage, etc.

I'm exhausted and completely drained now - and will try to get some extra sleep.

Thanks for the hugs and support,
~L

Hi,

Perhaps a different medication would be more beneficial?

I took Zoloft for a few months some time back, and I remember that I didn't like it one bit. It just made me feel zonked out and unmotivated all the time. I've heard Wellbutrin is one that doesn't have much effect on the libido- that's one I'm looking into getting on, as loss of sex drive and weight gain are two side effects I'm most concerned about.

I would tell your doctor all of your concerns and see if they can work with you in finding something that's more suitable.

Good luck and just know that you're not alone.

Thanks for the compliment mki - sometimes I wonder if I make sense.... lol

Hey lmcd,

I hope you get some sleep and feel a bit better soon.  Just a suggestion tho', it sounds like you have been off your meds for a few weeks, so jumping back on at a full dose, may be just as bad for you as going off them unsupervised.  Perhaps you would be best to wait until you can speak to your doc, she may recommend a dose of Zoloft somewhere in between 0 and what you were on.  You have to remember that your body has been through a lot of chemical changes, so adding to it again without supervision might upset you even more.

I understand your frustration - when you feel good you feel like you don't need your meds and things will keep getting better.  Unfortunately our bodies don't work that way.  Eventually that may well be the case, but we have to adjust to these changes slowly, the same way we did when we started.  At the moment I am seeing my gp, a psychologist and a psychiatrist, to help me manage my medications and behaviours, and it is finally starting to pay off!!  But I am reducing my dosages of only one medication very very slowly.

Best wishes lmcd - do some slow, deep breathing when you feel yourself spinning out of control, until you can get some advice from your doc.

Cheers

Deb

I hear you lmcd

I too am a very strong willed person.  It's taken me over 4 years that I will never have the same capabilities I had just a few years back, thanks to a work injury.

Pig headed is my middle name - tell me I can't do it and I'll prove you wrong - no matter the consequences

I totally hear you about the addictive nature, I am very much the same lol.

Glad to hear you got some sleep, hang in there.

Deb

LOL - Thanks CWH- actually it was a Thai Coconut Dal - quite delicious.

Mea culpa, mea ultima culpa; no more going off meds without docs guidance.

(You mean....I'm not the first one to do this?)

Hugs to all,
L