I've had OCD for 7 years and I've read BrainLock and another book called The Imp of the Mind, Tormenting Thoughts, along w/ many self help books on anxiety & panic. Most of the time, thru the training I had at therapy, self help books and speaking w/ others who have shared my experiences is very helpful. Some times though, my mind just gets "stuck in gear" and won't quit. One of my problems, among others, I guess, is that I don't drink a lot, but when I do, sometimes I go overboard and then the next day I don't remember everything that happened. If I'm w/ my boyfriend of 13 years, I feel safe, as I know he will protect me. However, when I go out w/ my girlfriends, I have this irrational fear the next day that I slept with people. Even though I never did, I start to worry that I did. I got to the point one day, that I had to ask a friend of mine and I felt like such an idiot. The only good thing, is she has panic attacks, but she never told me she had OCD. she kind of laughed and then realized how upset I was and told me I didn't do anything wrong. I also get scared that I say mean or inappropriate things to people if I've had too much to drink. Anyhow this past weekend I drank too much and my boyfriend came to get me. I passed out at home and I know I didn't do anything, but then this fear sets in. I fell on a public toilet seat and was worried all day Sunday that i had caught a disease. I am not feeling well today (very tired) so my mind races saying I must've slept with another man and now I have an STD or bad disease and that is why i am feeling this way. It sux having OCD. when I 1st got it my life was unbearable for months. The panic NEVER went away and I felts I was crazy every day. I went to work and never lost my job, or was in jeopardy, but I only slept about
an hour each night. I was too scared to do anything. My life, right now, isn't like that. This ocd comes & goes. I learned thru my therapist than anything "new, strange, different" or that I am not in control of are big triggers for me. So, not being in control this past weekend w/ drinking and not remembering every detail that happened worries me. I am not promiscuous. I've never been w/ anyone else. The sleeping w/ other people thing just happened more recently - the thoughts. The harming ones were the ones that started my OCD. My god, that was a horrible time in my life. Oh, I work at a doctors office, which I love. I then get nervous that when I am going thru all this panic, I will have to be admitted to the hospital and my doctors will find out (as I'm also their patient). I joined healingwell 7 years ago when my disorder first hit, so I do appreciate the help and generousity people give. If you've never lived this, you truly can't understand. Thanks for listening.