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Is this Anxiety or Depression?

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 6/3/2007 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
I can't stand living but I can't do something rash as I don't want to hurt my son but living every day is like slamming my head against a brick wall.  My father constantly criticized me when I was growing up telling me how stupid I was and that everything I did was stupid.  Every day I dreaded being around him and tried hard to please him but it was never enough.  We had a family business that my dad bought when I was nine and I was expected to help out.  That's OK, but he was around me constantly pushing me to work long days and complained about my work no matter how it turned out, often calling me lazy.   Even some of our customers told my dad he pushed me too hard.  I couldn't attend school functions, including class trip or prom, because I had to work.  On top of that he didn't pay me any allowance, so when I was 16 I got a paying job in addition to working with the family business so I could save money for college.  (I had a little sister whom my father babied and spoiled though, so I know he could have treated me right.)  To this day, and I'm 48, I am a workaholic and a perfectionist, yet never realizing perfection, constanty berating myself if I make a mistake.  I have no friends because I'd rather sit in my dark bathroom at home with the phone disconnected where there is no one to criticize me or talk to me or bother me.  It's too exhausting trying to please people.  Every day that I wake up I feel sick that I have to struggle through another day.  My office has cut back on staff to the point where I am doing three people's jobs, work ten hour days with no lunch, and just build up a rage throughout the day that poisons me.  When I get home I just want to close the door, disconnect the phone and hit the vodka til I forget about everything.  I've been on three different anti-depressents but they haven't helped.  Could this be some sort of anxiety instead of depression?

 

Posted 6/3/2007 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I'm not qualified to make that judgment but it sounds more like depression to me. Since you're pretty certain of its source, maybe talk therapy would help? Have you ever tried that?

It's worth noting that anxiety and depression are pretty closely related and a lot of the same meds are prescribed for both disorders. When I was depressed I never found a med that worked for me. I think I tried four, but I can't remember...it was a long time ago. They were all SSRI's. I was prescribed a tricyclic antidepressant once for "motility", but I was afraid of the side-effects and never took it. These are also prescribed for anxiety/panic and I think that's the REAL reason my doc prescribed it...he was a gastro but was the one who diagnosed my A/P. Anyway, there's more than three SSRIs and there's also more than just SSRI's out there. Keep trying. And if you haven't tried counseling, it may be a good idea.

Sorry you're not doing well, but things will look up someday as long as you try. That I can promise you.
Posted 6/3/2007 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
:-)  suesue,I know we have never spoken before,as i am new,but you are a survivor,you have come through so much,you are to be admired believe me..

please take care...AND keep your chin up..

Best wishes..nursy2

Posted 6/3/2007 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
Suesue

Welcome to Healing Well! So good to have you with us!
I have found so much support, validation and encouragement here, and hope you will too!

I agree with Debaser that you certainly sound like you have depression and anxiety is depression's sister. I am truly amazed at the strength you have shown this long but now it is time to seek help.

First of all Your story is similar to mine, but I had the "stepmother" who raised me from age 4 and my core beliefs were very much the same s yours.

It has taken therapy for me to let go of those beliefs and accept that I am a good person, I have rights, I can speak out and not pretend that I am ok. Most of all I do not have to cure the world and raise my hand for every request that comes my way. I have learned to say no to keep from over extending myself.

You are a good person that had a sad childhood and through therapy you can work through those feelings and learn to let go and love yourself.

I also take meds, tried many and I think the one I am on now is ok. Meds are not a miracle, but they help if you can find the right one.

Please do not turn to alcohol as that just adds to your problems.

My opinion is to see your physician and tell him what your have shared with us. Tell him/her that you need help and you need it now.

WE understand what you are going through.

Gentle Hugs
Posted 6/4/2007 7:24 AM (GMT 0)
There are some differences between anxiety and depression and some similarities as well...

Anxiety Symptoms:
-Muscle tension
-Sweating
-Nausea
-Cold, clammy hands
-Difficulty swallowing due to decreased saliva production
-Hyper vigilance – overly aware, alert or jumpy due to nervous energy
-Gastrointestinal discomfort – pain or uneasiness in gut
-Diarrhea
-Increased blood pressure
-Erratic breathing patterns – shortness of breath or rapid breathing
-Increased heart rate – racing heart beat
-Fatigue – physical or mental weariness
-Insomnia
-Irritability – easily annoyed or exasperated; touchiness or sensitivity
-Feelings of impending doom
-Feelings of unreality
-Numbness or tingling
-Hot flashes or chills
-Feelings of being out of control or going crazy

Depression Symptoms:
-Persistent sad feelings
-Chronic apathy
-Insomnia or excessive sleeping
-Absence of pleasure or the ability to experience it
-Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
-Fatigue and lack of energy
-Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt
-Extreme difficulty concentrating
-Agitation, restlessness, and irritability
-Loss of interest in activities and withdrawal from usually enjoyed activities
-Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
-Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

Info from -- http://www.jigsawhealth.com/articles/depression-symptoms.html
Posted 6/4/2007 9:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hello suesue,

I'm not very experienced, but I think I share some similarities as you. So, I'll just share them with you.

I'm a 15 year old female and is a perfectionist [from what many say]. People think I don't enjoy and is a workaholic. I always feel that I relax enough and people are crapping. But lately, I find that they are quite true. I THINK that I relax, but I doubt I do. I get totally worn out lately that not much energy is left to do anything, not even to do things that I like.

I have parents who I think aren't very supportive. =X  They criticise me sometimes and hurt me deeply occasionally that I spend the whole night crying. Apparently I study so hard, do my best in leadership, academics and discipline to please them. But they don't seem satisfied at all. Even after I showed great improvement through my results [from a rank of 48 in school to a rank of 8], they didn't say a word about it and just said, 'okay'.

However, I feel that my 'story' is not as 'bad' as yours. I'm sorry to here that you're going through all that, but I hope you'll be well soon.

[I'm not diagnosed with anxiety yet. But I'm showing symptoms of it, especially lately.]

lots of love,
Jaslyn

Posted 6/4/2007 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
I wish I could give you a big hug! God bless you. You have been through alot.

I suffer from anxiety and depression, as well as OCD. The doctors tried many, many meds before finding a combination that would work. The right combination is out there for you too, so don't give up.

Please know that you will be in my prayers.
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