HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Aches, pains, anxiety, frustration...Agoraphobia...HELP, PLEASE

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/10/2007 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hello guys!  I am new to this board.  I have been lurking a bit just to see what is going on.  Everyone seems pertty friendly around here, and that is pretty comforting! 

I have A LOT going on.  Let me introduce myself.  My name is Tammy.  I am a 26 year old female.  Around 8 years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, and I was prescribed Xanax.  I only used it once in a while, because I am not super big on taking pills.  I did fine though, within a short amount of time, life went back to normal, and I lived the past 8 years with extremeley minimal panic or anxiety attacks.  And, if in the rare case that I did have one, I could normally shoo it away pretty well. 

In the past months, I am losing myself.  A lot is going on in my life, indeed.  I quit smoking around 2 months ago, which was huge, I smoked for 10 years.  My mother has been in and out of the hospital fighting for her life since September.  That has been tough on everyone.   There has been some issues going on in my family, like feuds I guess you could say...that is how my family works.  mad    Anyway, the point is, yes, there are stresses in my life, that is FOR SURE.

So, in the past 2 months, I have been feeling TERRIBLE!  Now, I lost my job around a month ago, because my anxiety has been so bad, I have become somewhat, or very, agoraphobic.  I can't leave my house, and if I do, it has to be a very short distance, and even then it's a struggle.  I haven't been able to visit my Mom in the hospital, because I can't leave...and that has started a lot of the fights going on, actually.  I simply can't leave.  The most I can do is go outside for alittle while, but that is generally short lived, and then I must come back in.  With losing my job, the finances aren't good around here, and that is stressing me out too. 

Anyway, I can't go to a doctor, becasue I don't have insurance.  I am trying to get insurance through the county, but that is taking forever, and it requires me to meet them at their office, which I simply CANNOT do.  I am feeling scared.   I have sat here and diagnosed myself with every illness in the world from heart issues, to cancers, and more. 

This may be my health, I can't get to a doctor to find out.  Here are some of my issues...

Chest discomfort, pretty regularly for 2 months now.  At first I thought it was tension from quitting smoking, but I quit 2 months ago, shouldn't that have gone away by now?  Not hurting and not real strong either.

Shoulder tension...that is where I am getting the heart issues and cancer ideas from.  Feels kinda like my arm was hurt and is now bruised or something, but I didn't do anything to it to make it hurt.

Rib tension.  Sometimes worse when I push on it.   This isn't a huge issue, it is more annoying than anything.

Sometimes rapid heart beat...generally in the middle of a panic attack, for sure.

Sometimes palpalations.  Those are random and never last too long.

As I said, I constantly wonder what I am dying from.  What disease can I discover today.  It isn't fun, but my mind makes me do it.

I have panic attacks up to 10 times a day sometimes. 

I KNOW I need to get to a doctor.  That is common sense, believe me, I know I need to.  Then I wonder, say I do get this insurance thing figured out, how do I get to the doctor?  I am afraid to elave anyway, and I am afraid to visit him.  I am sure he is going to tell me that at 26 years old, I have some terrible illness that will never go away, and taht I will die.  That my 7 year old son will grow up without me.

Sometimes if my boyfriend rubs my back, I don't feel so tense.  The aches and pains go away.  I have started taking a lot of pain meds, like tylenol and motrin, but I know I shouldn't get stuck on taking those all the time.  I know it isn't good.  Maybe it's in my head, but when I take them, I feel better.  That is probably in my head, huh?

I know no one here is a doctor...but does anyone know what the heck is going on with me?  Could this all be coming from my anxiety again, or is my terrible thinking right, that I am sick?  I knwo without an exam no one can say for sure.  I guess I am looking to see what others think.  I dont' know.  I feel like I am going crazy.  After reading this post, I am like "hey girl, you have issues."  I know I have issues.  I feel them everyday. 

This is sad, and hard, and exhausting.  AHHHH.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.  I know it is long, and I apologize for that.  I look forward to seeing what anyone has to say!!!

Oh, and other things that make me nervous, and can flare a panic attack...

Sitting down to eat dinner.

Taking a shower.

Being home alone.

I am losing all my friends and family because of this.  sad    Please, someone, help me, at least a little here.  I want my life back!!!

THANK YOU!

Posted 6/10/2007 7:04 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Tammy
We are here to support each other and to share advice on any kind of Anxiety disorder, panic, phobias etc.
It's very hard to deal with anxiety alone when others don't seem to understand what each of us is feeling, but here we do care and understand. We welcome all who live with anxiety and panic.
As I read your post your sympotoms all sound like the same ones that others experience with their anxiety. The panic attacks and the phobias are awful and your Mom being sick is a huge stressor as well as your other issues.
If you can get a physician lined up does your xanax help you with the anxiety to get you to the physician's office? You might mention when you make the appointment that you have a phobia and it is difficult for you to wait in a crowded room. Perhaps they will get you into an exam room and take someone with you like your bf that knows how to calm you.
You said you have read through our forum and I hope you found some ideas on how to calm the anxiety.
Also, a phyical exam is needed to be sure you have nothing else going on and that should give you relief of some of your fears.
Gentle Hugs.
Posted 6/10/2007 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Kitt for replying. It is comforting to see people care. Xanax use to work for me, yes, but I no longer have a prescription for it. So, it doesn't matter on that. Ha ha. Anyway, yes, I could mention to my doctor that I have an issue waiting in crowded rooms, but that isn't the only problem I have. Going there at all is a problem. Waiting in the crowded room is a problem. Sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor is. Having the doctor walk in is. It is pretty bad. Has anyone around here ever had it this bad? I appriciate your response, and all others who respond, I appricaite you too!

Thank you everyone! I will keep looking to see what's new around here. I have a feeling I am here to stay, on this board!
Posted 6/10/2007 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tammy.  Welcome.  Kitt gave great advice.  You definately need to see a doctor.  If the Xanax helps, you can take it before your appointment.  Bring your bf with you.  He can help keep you calm.  Explain your situation and maybe they can let you right in to see the doctor.  He can prescribe medicine for you so you can start feeling better and living your life.  You may need test done to rule other things out, but it will give you peace of mind to know you have nothing that is life threatening.   You deserve to have your life back!!! 

 

My situation is simular to what you are describing.  I had A/P 12 years ago.  It was not that bad and went away.  about 3 months ago, it came back with avengence and was constant.  I had it everyday.  I was afraid to leave the house.  I had to see my doctor and my Husband came with me.  I remember having so much anxiety as I waited for my turn, but my Husband helped to keep me calm.

 

Anxiety can bring on many symptons, especially what you are describing.  

 

I'am sorry to hear your Mom is sick.  My Mom was in and out of the hospital all the time and I know how stressful that can be. 

 

Everyone here is friendly and understanding.  Continue to post and keep us updated.  Good Luck dear!

Hugs,

Mary 

Posted 6/10/2007 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Mary, thank you for the words of comfort! And yes, I definatley need to get to the doctor. That is another stressor though without having insurance right now, and probably not being able to be covered until July, at the earliest...Did I mention that in my first post??? Yes, yes, I did.

At any rate, thanks again Mary, and anyone else for posting.

It feels nice to see people caringenough to respond!!!
Posted 6/11/2007 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
Tammy,

I read your post and wow, you have a lot on your plate right now.  No wonder you are feeling the way you do.  On top of everything going on in your life, you have a 7 year old to take care of as well!  I can truly relate to your post about all of the feelings you have regarding anxiety.  (I must admit, I did have to smile to myself when I came across the part about getting a shower making you panic - I used to do that too!)  I thought that was just me.  I used to have to make sure the door was cracked open and not shut all the way!  Anyway...

You do need to go see a Dr. so that you can get the help you need - if you need medication to help you get through this, you are no less of a person!  A lot of us here are on meds and the support here is great!  You will find that out, if you haven't already!

I hope your insurance works out for you very soon and you can get yourself taken care of.  If you have any more questions or concerns, someone is always here to answer them!!!  Take care of yourself and I hope this message finds you feeling better!!

Sylkn

Posted 6/11/2007 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Tammy~ wow you sound EXACTLY like me about 5-6 years ago. First of all let me say Im so sorry you're dealing with your mom being so sick. It is so hard to deal with that in itself nevermind everything else you are going through. I lost my mom a few years back, so I understand how hard that is. I am not a doctor so I want to make it clear that what I say is JUST my opinion but i thought it could bring you some comfort. EVERYTHING you described is exactly what I used to go through. And I also diagnosed myself daily with whatever horrible deadly disease imaginable. I couldn't leave my house. No one seemed to understand in my family. I couldn't get insurance. My life was a mess to say the least. The physical symptoms were too much to bare and I swore at any minute i was going to die and my kids would be motherless. No one has ever died from anxiety or panic. Keep that in mind. When we're tense and stressed out and panic all of our muscles in our body tense up and after awhile of having so many panic attacks your body is going to feel sore. Everyone who replyed to you is correct you need to see a physician who will do a complete work up on you and you can have some relief that nothing else is wrong with you except panic and anxiety. Its going to be alright. You will be ok. And if you can't get insurance right away then you know what. Go to the ER at least once just to get a little bit of relief. Thats what I eventually had to do. It took all my strength to go. I hated leaving the house. But finally my husband just forced me to go. They did an EKG and blood work and everything was fine. When I finally got insurance I had a complete exam by the doctor and all my results came back normal. They put me on meds for my panic and anxiety and refered me to a psych. doc. My life is a TON better now. I still have my days where my anxiety is bad and I have panic and I think im dying but those days are far and few inbetween now. One piece of advice ..STOP GOOGLING SYMPTOMS! haha! I still do it sometimes. You aren't doing anything but causing yourself so much more stress then you need right now, so just stay away from it. Good luck to you and keep posting. The people on this board are incrediable and helped me through so many bad nights. Thats what we're all here for. Keep us updated on how you're feeling. God Bless
Posted 6/11/2007 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much hunnibee for your comments! You did bring me tons of comfort, and I was happy to see your reply! Thank you a million times over. Everyone has been super helpful, but your comments seemed to be the most like mine! I loved hearing from you, and you also brought me comfort in saying that I sound like you 5 or 6 years ago, meaning you are doing better now! :) I know I need to stop looking up symptoms. I can openly agree that is driving me mad! Everytime I see stuff, then I have it, so I pretty much have every disease you could imagine! Ha. Anyways, thanks again for your comforting words.

I have been reading books on panic and anxiety. I am going to change a lot of things in my life. I am going to get through this. It isn't fun, and it's no way to live!

Thanks to all who reply!
Posted 6/11/2007 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Tammy
First Welcome
I am so glad that you finally posted and laid out what you have been going thru
YOU need support and ppl that understand and can TRULY empathize with you
YOU have that here right at your fingertips

Agoraphobia is not totally uncommon in A/P ppl at one point or another in their lives even if it may be for a few days
It is your "comfort" zone

I would not or could not go out of my house for a couple of mths
Finally I decided to start taking my meds again and working with some self help techniques and that led me back to ole self ....yes I have A/P BUT it doesnt have ME.......I have learnt no matter what comes our way WE all are fairly tough cookies and will get thru it somehow....... someway
We have a member who hasnt posted in awhile "Ken" who has not been out of his house but to the porch in 7 YEARS
Can u imagine .....
about your mom and the hospital IF you have any xanax there and can take 1 maybe you could get there with B/F at side IF just for a few minutes
Tell her you love her and explain what is going on entirely
Not saying she will fully understand it........ but try .......it wont hurt and do it alone with her and your B/F

OR
you could sit while your 7 yr old is at school and write a letter each day to her or make her home made cards for her room......and have son do the same after school

Your family doesnt have this sweetie so they wont get it and they will make you feel guily and horrid for NOT being there..DONT let them do this too you.......
Maybe if you finally are able to start writing her daily taking meds and perhaps doing some Cognitive behavioural Therapy ( free online one) some relaxation techniques ect you will be able to see her

I am so sorry that you are dealing with so bleeding much and I want you to know this is THE place to come and vent cry have a laugh ( its needed) or whatever....you will NEVER be judged and you will be accepted into this lil family straight away........awesome ppl here that will support you like you would not believe.......

I am just so happy that all above have given great input and have welcomed you so warmly as these ppl do.........and that you FINALLY posted........

Please dont go at this alone and YES it is fantastic you have a supportive B/F yet you also need ppl that KNOW and have been where you are .......
I for one do hope you have meds or can get from the doc so you can get up to see her if only once hun......
I lost my mom just over a yr ago and the pain is still very raw.....dont take that wrong please....just praying for you and your Mom

Stay with us

LYN

PLease stay with us and get the caring and support you need .......

God BLess
LYN.....
Posted 6/11/2007 5:01 PM (GMT 0)
Lyn, that was great post...thank you so much for it! It made me feel real good. I am very happy that I have found this board. I visit it daily, multiple times a day even. I find myself reading posts from a year ago even, just to find some thoughts, and maybe answers. This is the best board I have ever found.

We do make my Mom homemade cards and letters telling her to get well. For some reason, to my family, that isn't enough. I know my family is adding to my stresses. I try to ignore it, but it's hard.

Unfortunetly, I do not have any Xanax. Getting to the hospital to see her is too hard right now. I am having a hard enough time even getting to the doctor for me. :(

My bf has been great through all of this. I thank God every single day that I have him in my life. And now, I am thanking God I have found you guys!

And as for "Ken" WOW, no, I can't imagine that. I have been dealing with this just over 2 months, and it has been the hardest thing ever. I can't even begin to imagine 7 years. And, I pray to God that I don't EVER get to that point. Hence the reason I need to get help NOW.

Thanks again Lyn, and to all others who reply!!!
Posted 6/11/2007 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey sylknmyst...I didn't even see your comment until just now. Thanks for the reply. That is great that you also had issues with taking a shower. I too smiled when I saw you had that same problem. I totally thought I was alone with that. I haven't heard anyone with that problem before.

I know I keep saying this, but this board is GREAT. I love it here, alhtough, I do wish I didn't have to be here :( but I am happy to have found such great support!!!

Thanks all!
Posted 6/11/2007 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
hey Tammy! i'm sorry to hear your having such a rough time, i can totally relate, my dad is in hospital and i haven't been able to visit him either. So first off, i wish my best to your mum.
As for the aches and pains, i get those a lot too, especially up in my shoulders and i too thought "MY HEART MUST BE IN TROUBLE" and i found that the more i worried and researched illnesses all day on the net, the more my symptoms seemed to get worse. I think the brain can trick us more then we think, but still, like you said, you really should see the doctor to give you peace of mind. I don't know how much it will help you, but my therapist gave me a booklet to help me get through panic attacks which you can find here - http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23069094 it doesn't offer miricles, but it might just help you enough to get you down to the offices to sort out your insurance. Could you maybe get your boyfriend to fill stuff out on your behalf if you really didn't feel up to it? I would do a little research and call a few people, there might be special cases where they can send someone to the house to help sort out your insurance, i don't know, but it might be worth looking into. When you have the insurance sorted, you may have to pay a little extra, but you might be able to get the doctor to call to your house too, if you explained the circumstance.
Just another quick idea, something that is helping me at the moment is music. I find that if i get a great album on my mp3 player and really concentrate on the words and the sounds, that can help me through stressful times - see if that works for you.
I get anxcious when eating too =( just now i was cooking a meal with my brother and i got the most insain tightness in my stomach, like i had been thumped.

stay with us =) you are not alone at all.

p.s
sorry this reply is SO long lol
Posted 6/11/2007 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you boxcastle...and dont' apologize for lengthy posts, in fact, I like them!!! I appriciate you taking the time to reply.

There are a lot of things I am going to be looking into here when it comes to getting help. I need to stop feeling like this. And, yes, it is going to take time and reasearch! I am going to do it though so I can get my life back.

Thank you for your reply. I have found so much comfort in this board! I am happy I have found it.
Posted 6/11/2007 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
Tammy
Please be very careful when checking things out on the net
Health Anxiety is VERY common in A/P ..er's and yes the net is great but sometimes it will also trick our brain into thinking we are "dying of heart attacks ,cancer you name it "

As for your family.........well.....I will be nice lol/
They dont have what you do they dont fear what you do

YOU are doing fantastic by getting her cards done and that so please dont let them make you FEED onto that guilt it will rip you apart.........

While waiting for the approval for insurance do you not know of a doc that would be willing to help you out
Thinks are different in Ontario,Canada we have health clinics that are free and have EXCELLENT doctors in them that would help you out
**Some docs ( few) mine included still will do housecalls when I am to sick to go to him .....he is a sweetie and helps me in the research and treatment of the 2 diseases and A/P I already have been DX with and is helping me out emotionally mentally and Physically with a new one I have yet been able to talk about ........

Anyways back to you
KNOW in your heart that when your mom gets these cards hun she knows you love her
I just wish yopu could get a doc to help you out so you could go at least once ya know
I am sure this is hurting you so much
I DO feel your pain and I am glad you have REACHED out sweetie

NO longer are you alone in this fight okay
WE are all here to help you out
Like I said email me if you need to yak
I read everyday but might take a day to get back to you but I do get back........I know what family can do to you believe me ...I have the type too BUT I now do ignore and I will speak up and say what is on my mind not to hurt but to be heard.......
(((((((gentle ones)))))))
LYN

In my heart thoughts and Prayers as is your Mom
Posted 6/12/2007 1:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Lyn, your posts are great. Always very inspiring! I appriciate all of your words.

Lemmie ask...do you have Chrons disease?

Thank you for all your words!
Posted 6/12/2007 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
Tammy,

I read your original post and could really relate to your feelings of fear, thoughts of having some terminal illness and the panic/anxiety that goes with those feelings.  I too have been struggling with these issues and it has been the hardest battle of my life!  I have three boys and would go into a massive panic attack just thinking that I would leave them without a mother.  I lost my mom when I was 15 and I KNOW that has a lot to do with my fears.  If you find a way, DO go to the doctor.  I know you are afraid, but "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".  The doctor will tell you that you are healthy and help you to deal with the anxiety and panic with medication.   I realize you don't like taking meds, neither do I.  This was the first step I took (going to the doctor) and the medication has helped me tremendously.  I am also reading and learning about relaxation techniques and meditation.  I highly recommend the book, Minding the Body/Mending the Mind.  It's an older book, but has a lot of good info about these two things.  I know I am saying a lot...baby steps!:)  Just know you are in good company and I wish you the very best on your journey to health and peace!

septembergirl

Posted 6/12/2007 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you kindly Septembergirl. Yes, this has been a hell of a struggle for me. Even to call a doctor is scaring me. I have been reading panic and anxiety books and posts from here. I think I am making progress, though small, at least some!

Thank you for your post. As usual, it makes me feel good to hear from others!

Best wishes to you!
Posted 6/12/2007 9:39 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Tammygirl

              My name is damon. i have not posted on here in a long time. I do however read the forums from time to time . Your story touched me because of the simularities with my life. You have come to a wonderful place with healingwell. The people here seem so nice. Kind of like extended family. I contribute part of my success with overcoming anxiety to HW. I found a lot of helpful information just by reading the forums. I, like you suffered from agoraphobia. I also am a caretaker for my parent. I had PAs for over ten years. I had the pains also you are describing. Iwas trapped in my home for 4 months. I am afraid of medication so i dont think i recovered quickly as i should have. Go see a doctor as suggested and get checked out. i am not a dr. but im willing to bet you will be fine. Anxiety can mimmick almost anything you think about. I can remember having ALOT of negative and scary thoughts during my anxiety. I replaced them with positive ones and learn to breath correctly wich started me to recovery. I also tended to self scan my body for aches and pains. The first thing i did when i awoke was to observe how i felt. Sound familiar? :-) yOU ARE THE SAME PERSON you were before this bout with anxiety. You just have alot on your plate. If your child plays outside give him a least 5 minutes. While your out there think how greatful you are for him. If you start to feel anxiety its ok. Just focus on happy thoughts. Just attempt to stay for 5 min. Dont let the agraphobia rob you of precious life. The fear you have is only the fear you give yourself. You just need to realize that your doing it. Your in my thoughts and i wish you a speedy recovery.

Posted 6/12/2007 9:46 PM (GMT 0)
myles, your words touched me greatly! It is always comforting to hear from others who are going through and have gone through what I am going through! Wow, your post seriously touched me, and just made me think a bit.

I am going to give my son 5 minutes. I am going to take baby steps. I am going to give him what he deserves. It isn't fair for him to lose out on time outside, or time having fun because of this. This diesease in general is so unfair!

I do have health anxiety, and taht is a lot of the reason I haven't been seen yet. I am scared to go, of course because leaving my house at all is scary, but also because I am scared to hear him say something is infact wrong. Or, what if I get examined and he wants me to go right to the hospital to be admitted. (that is what happened to my Mom at the beginning of her fight for life) All these things run through my mind, and then I am scared. And I KNOW that sitting at home freaking out is no better.

AHHHH, this sucks, I just want my life back. But yes, thank you kindly for your reply. I was actually reading old forums when you responded. How funny.

Have a great day!!! :)
Posted 6/12/2007 10:09 PM (GMT 0)

Tammy,

I just wanted to say that I am so glad so many people are responding to your post!  We all care about one another here and if one person can't answer a question, usually another can!  Keep your head high and you will get there in your own time!!!  God bless!!!

Sylkn

Posted 6/12/2007 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
Sylkn, I too am excited that so many people are responding to my post! It is making me feel very welcome around here! I appriciate all the great answers!


THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!

:)
Posted 6/12/2007 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Tammy, you go girl,
Is this not the greatest site? I am so glad you got so many responses and Keep posting.
We are here for you, always.
((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Posted 6/12/2007 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
I greatfully accept the hugs kitt!!!

And, I give them back to you in return!

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

THANK YOU!!!
Posted 6/12/2007 10:55 PM (GMT 0)
Tammy,
I forgot to tell you after you give your son 5 minutes of your time, thank yourself for being the best mother in the world! See ya! Myles
Posted 6/12/2007 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Myles! THat made me feel good too cuz I am feeling like a real lousy mother right now!!! :)

Thanks a million!
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12