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Posted 6/21/2007 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
I have been suffering with anxiety/panic for about 8 years now.  At this moment and for the last few days, I've been feeling edgy and panicky, like something horrible is about to happen.  I actually feel like I need to figure out what my children will do when I'm not here anymore.  My back started to hurt a few days ago and that's all it takes... now I feel this pressure on my left side under my rib cage (I've felt this sensation before)I feel like I can't breathe very well and I'm so consumed and stuck inside my own thoughts and feelings that I can't focus on anything I try to do...  I notice that once I become focused on something else I feel better...but then (once I'm feeling better) I'll realize wow I can control this panicky feeling and as soon as I'm reminded of how I was feeling the negative sensations come right back.  I am terrified that there is something life threatening wrong with me - like some major cancer or something that is growing and my Dr. just brushes it off as my anxiety.  I go through this every month or couple of months.  I don't know what happens that I snap out of it but my biggest fear is that I will have to live with this fear for the rest of my life.  Does anyone out there know how I feel???
Posted 6/21/2007 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there Mom, and welcome to HEaling Well. I have to tell you that I do know EXACTLY how you feel, and I feel the EXACT same way you do. It is not a good feeling at all, yet it is comforting to know that other people suffer the same way. At least for me, it is comforting to know I am NOT alone in my thoughts and feelings.

I unfortunetly, do not have any advice, as I am dealing with the same thing. I have also been suffering for 8 years with anxiety/panic, only I had a break in between where it didn't flare up so much, and when I did have attacks, they were so small, and I had no problem controlling them. Now though, they are back, and worse than ever. I constantly think I am dying. I feel sad at the thought of leaving behind my son, and my boyfriend, and I too wonder how they will function without me here. It is a saad, hard reality that isn't really a reality, that I am facing every day.

I am going to the doctor Tuesday, because I am currently not on anything, and not getting any kind of help for this, and that sucks! I too fear that I will have to live with this the rest of my life. It is starting to depress me, and you know what else, for 2 months now, I have been battling agoraphobia. That has been harsh!

I don't want you to think you have to feel like this forever. Are you on meds? Are you seeing a psychiatrist, or someone else who can listen to your problems and maybe help you out?

Coming to healingwell was a great idea for you!!! THere are so many friendly and helpful people here. WIth no time you will feel right at home. Read old posts. I found that to be helpful as I found a lot of old posts I can relate to!

I hope all is well for you, once again, WELCOME!

Tammy
Posted 6/21/2007 2:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tammy,

Thanks for the kind words. I do find it very helpful to know that others understand and have felt what I'm feeling.  I currently take Zoloft and normally have good results with it but I still have these periods of Panic or generalized anxiety.  Sometimes I feel like my family becomes sick of hearing about it but I really don't have the time or the money to go to a psychologist.  I have 4 children and a full time career that takes up the majority of my life... I am so frustrated because I know/believe that I am doing this to myself and want desperately to unlearn this behavior.  All of my anxiety comes from the fear of having a terminal illness or the fear of always being in fear... most recently I am sure that I have lung cancer (hence the back pain), muscle cancer (hence the muscle spasms), a brain tumor (hence this continuous dizzy hazy feeling) or a tumor on my adrenal gland that is causing all of my anxiety symptoms in addition to postural hypotension (the feeling that my head and neck are going to explode from the pressure when I stand up after sitting for a long time... (nuts right I am 29 years old I should not be worrying like this) wouldn't it be nice if there was a magic pill or a magic exersize that would take these feelings away.  Sometimes I look at people who do not struggle with this and I find myself so envious!!!  I suffer from agoraphobia occasionally but usually my fear stems from getting into the car for a long drive (long meaning anything over 15 minutes from home).... I become certain that I will have a panic attack and die on the side of the road.  When I am not panicky my life is awesome... if I could only learn to control this...

Posted 6/21/2007 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Mom, it's Tammy again! No problem with the kind words, as that is what we are here for. I have gotten so much help from this site, and I am happy I can be of help to you! I know how you feel thinking your family gets sick of hearing about your panci and anxiety issues, I am the same way. I constantly talk to my boyfriedn about all of what I am feeling, and I often wonder if he is wishing I would shut up. But, he loves me and is there for me, and he isn't thinking that at all, and neither is your family, I am sure. I can understand lack of money keeping you from a psychiatrist, as I have that same issue. They are expensive. Could you talk to your regular doctor and tell them that while the Zoloft normally gives you good results, you are still seeming on edge, and dealing with your thoughts of health anxiety? Maybe he could up your dosage, or give you soemthing else to try. Just a thought! Most of my anxiety also comes from the fear of a terminal illness. It really messes wtih my head sometime, and I find myself frequently self diagnosis myslef with all sorts of horrid diseases...like heart issues, and different cancers. I don't know how to put a stop to that either. I do know it is totally frustrating, as I am sure you understand! We are about the same age. I am 26 years old and dealing with these isssues. I too have a child, a 7 year old boy. This is robbing him of his Mommy and me of my life, and we are so tired of it!!! It would be great if there was a magic pill!!! That would be nice! I understand the feelings of being envious of others who do not suffer. Oh what it would be like to go through a day of not worry about everything under the sun, right? And, again, I am like you, I deal with agoraphobia. I am working on it, and it's brand new to me...just over 2 months. I even lost my job over it. Ugh. Life can be stressful.

If you have any questions, or you want to vent, or whatever, just come here. You will find so much support here!!!

Best wishes to you....and I hope you don't mind reading my mini novel!!!

Tammy
Posted 6/21/2007 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
I don't mind the mini novel at all... I tend to need A LOT of space to fully get my point across... lol.  I just discovered this site today and I must say, it's wonderful!!
Posted 6/21/2007 6:03 PM (GMT 0)

Well, I am glad you found us, and I hope you stick with us!  :-)    I am sorry you need us, but it's great that you came across such a supportive place!

I am also happy you don't mind a mini novel, because I tend to do them once in while!!!  yeah

Hope you have a great day!

Posted 6/22/2007 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
Mom - been there done that. Health anxiety is VERY common amongst us. : )

What dosage of Zoloft are you on? How long have you been on it? In my very UNprofessional opinion, you can do better than this. Zoloft may not be the right med - or you may not have the right dosage. You need to see a psychiatrist and let them "tune" your meds. Also, having a benzo (like Xanax) on hand when you start to feel severe symptoms coming on can be a huge help.

The fear of fear is by definition circular - and once you find yourself in the downward spiral it can be hell. A counselor can be a huge help. Or a support group. You've already discovered the distraction trick.

Mom - I promise you, there is much to hope for. But it's time for you to take some action. Trying to mentally resist the panic is like a noose - you're proven that already. So, you need to do something different - which can also be scary! It just doesn't seem fair does it... : )
Posted 6/22/2007 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
hi mom! i know exactly what your going through and its great that you found this site. everyone here is so helpful and caring and its the best support system around!
i know exactly what you feel...the pain in the left side under the ribcage and the chest. the back pain. i know it all too well. a friend of mine is a massage therapist and she has been helping me with some relaxation techniques. i told her that i felt like i had some kind of tumor growing all over my left side since there is always some kind of pain and pressure there. she told me that people carry stress in their bodies in different ways, and that of course, having high anxiety and panic attacks, we have much more stress than normal. lately i have been doing some deep stretches every morning when i wake up, and each night before i go to bed, and ive also started meditating. they have both been helping alot. also, are you on any "immediate relief" medication? i am on lexapro, but i also have xanax on hand for those times when i feel a big attack coming on.
i hope ive helped at least a little. i wish you all the best, and just know that you have some amazing people here that are rooting for you!

blessings, leaves
Posted 6/22/2007 1:38 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Christian,

It's so funny to be addressed as "Mom" in here. My name is Liz but that one was taken :) Thanks for the advice.  When I first starting going through the anxiety (back in 99) I saw a counselor and they had me on Celexa then Buspar then Prozac (this one lasted the longest) but then I got pregnant and went off meds completely and was totally FINE!!!! about six months after the baby was born I started freaking again (by the way this was baby # 4) anyway I tried Prozac again but it wasn't doing the trick so then my Dr put me on Zoloft 50mg.  Long story short I went up to 100 mg felt great for a while went back down to 50mg... had a MASSIVE panic attact that landed me in the ER and totally freaked my family out because my heart was racing so fast that I couldn't even stand up by myself. (FYI I had convinced myself that I had stomach cancer and had a massive growth under my left rib cage because I was feeling pressure which oh by the way I feel everytime I get anxious) That happened the end of Oct and I didn't feel normal again until December after I convinced my Dr. to do an abdominal CT and everything was fine. I literally felt the panic, edgy, disassociated feelings leave my body hours after I got the negative result.  Of course now I'm feeling anxious again because I feel a bit under the weather (my back hurts) and magically the pressure is back.  The feeling of impending doom is back because I'm "SURE" that they missed something last fall and now I'm REALLY dying.  I do realize how ridiculous this must all sound but sometimes it feels so real to me that I can't function. 

Wow can I ramble or what... lol

SO yes I'm up for trying new meds but I haven't had much luck with psych docs because they are so expensive and my time is so limited working full time and having 4 children.  I have ativan but unless my heart is racing I don't take it sometimes the severe tension might be helped by it though, you think?

Posted 6/22/2007 2:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Liz. I just wanted to stop in and tell you that you don't sound ridiculous at all! You feeling like you are dying and you being sure they missed something, that is all health anxiety, and I have the exact same issues. Hence the reason I am scared to go to to my doctor on Tuesday...but I have to, because I am tired of feeling the way I do! And the fact that you sometimes can't function, that too is normal, in my opinion, as I have the same issues.

I know you may be tired of hearing me say, yea, I have this too, and blah blah blah, but it's true, and I just want you to know that you are far from alone!!! I wish you all the best! And really, trust your doctors...the odds are so great that they didn't miss anything. I know, easier said than done...I know this!!!
Posted 6/22/2007 3:45 PM (GMT 0)
I am so thankful to hear people say that they know how I feel because it reinforces to me that I'm not nuts...lol  It just makes me sad to know that so many people struggle with these feelings as well because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 

Tammy you are a strong person and will ABSOLUTELY get through this difficult period - your Dr. will help you and I'm willing to bet that if you can get some meds that will be a good thing too.

:)  Liz

Posted 6/22/2007 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Mom4

I have only found this forum today but when i just read your post I cried as I could have written the exact same thing.

I suffer like you, I spend days (and nights) worrying that I will die young and leave my husband to raise my daughter alone. I am paranoid that I have a terminal illness (see post on underarm pain).

At the moment I can't offer much advice as today is not a good day for me but it sure feels good to know I am not alone.

Take care

Verity x

Posted 6/23/2007 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
Mom - you mentioned that "100 mg felt great for a while". Why did you go back down to 50? Hopefully you did that slowly! Cause if you went cold turkey - wow - you'd be asking for a doozy of an AP. : )

I was on 150 for a long time, my family MD suggested I go off the med, slid back into my anxiety disorder (big time), and now I'm on 200mg via my psychiatrist.

For the first time in 20 years I actually sleep the whole night through. I also use Xanax, but my pdoc doesn't think it has much to do with my improved sleep.

I still have anxiety - because I'm human - but it's not the out of control kind you're experiencing now and that I have in the past.
Posted 6/23/2007 12:36 AM (GMT 0)

I didn't realize that you could go higher then 100mg.  It frustrates me to think of increasing it though because I just want to be able to do it on my own. My PCP once said don't you think diabetics would like to manage their own insulin levels, well the truth is they can't and some peope can't manage their anxiety levels without meds to help them.  I know she's right but I still look at people like my husband who can go through every day without anything and he's fine.  I wish I was just "normal" and had never felt the first bit of anxiety... you know?

Liz

Posted 6/23/2007 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Liz,

I take Trazodone 50-150mg at night time which helps me sleep as well as helps with the anxiety..............it work for me. I have depression but at low dose this med is being used off label for depression.

I agree you could possibly benefit from a med change.

As part of treatment I was taught paradoxical relaxation. This means that when you feel the pain or tightness (or the anxiety about your difficulties or problems which would also add to the discomfort) you accept it, don't become afraid, just feel it or as much as you can stand and thereby become less anxious about it.

Doing that it gradually diminishes and goes away. Its a bit difficult with uncomfortable feelings because we want to get away from them and feel well.


Welcome to the Anxiety ~ Panic Forum
Posted 6/23/2007 2:10 AM (GMT 0)

thanks for the post kitt, i'll try what you spoke of... i do notice that as soon as i start to feel a little unwell its like the anxiety vice starts twisting. maybe if i can go with it a little i can avoid some of the fear and tension. again thanks i am open to any and all advice :)

liz

Posted 6/23/2007 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
Mom - I used to rail at my counselor about the fact that it wasn't fair that I had an anxiety disorder, that it was completely UNACCEPTABLE.

Of course that was ridulous because I do have an axiety disorder (as did my father) and trying to deny that was at least as irrational as the fear I bore. I come from a long line of stubborn mules - this was case where stubbornness did not serve me well - because no matter how hard I tried, I could not control the anxiety on my own.

Your insulin analogy is good.
Posted 6/29/2007 4:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mom, Hi everyone who responded....

 

Lets just say, add me to the list of "I am going through that" because I certainly am...Im tired of it.  Today and for the last month, I think Im dying...this time I have some weird tingle, not pain, but a tension in my lower throat that I cant decipher if its from yelling :( or from trying to catch my breath all the time because I just feel like I cant breath!  Im constantly trying to figure out what caused it to help me get rid of the thought, but I just cant....Anyways...this thing wont go away...its there all the time..I cant hardly function normally..I truelly believe Im dying from throat cancer or lung cancer.  I try to distract myself and when I do, it dicipates (spelling) but then, just because I stop to check if its gone, POOF, its back! and then WHAM, Im dying again and most certain that Im not imaginating this and thats its not my anxiety causing this...Ive definately convinced myself that my anxiety isnt causing this...and sadly, my mom says it is and I just cant believe her. 

 

Ive had anxiety all of my life.  Ive been on Zoloft before and did good, then I stopped because I had less stress in my life, which was causing the anxiety to be so bad...but then, I kept having more issues with it...going to the Dr all the time thinking I had some new illness...It takes ONE little cramp, one weird sensation, one mark or weird colored spot and BOOM, my brain begins its awesome homwork and finds my diagnosis and then it sits in my head...leaving me with HIGH anxiety incidents...I cant get away from it...the only time that I feel better is when my life is going good...it could be from meeting someone to money...either way, its the only time I notice it go away.

 

Im now taking Wellbutrin...just started it and hopefully it will work. I tried taking Zoloft again but I swear my body changed because it caused a serious attack one night so I stopped taking it.

 

my biggest fear is leaving my kids...3 of them...Im only 29...I stay away from watching sad things on TV/News/Movies because thats all it takes is one little thing and then my anxiety starts up.  I know reality out there and sadly it could happen...I just dont want to happen to me.

 

Ive been drinking wine to help me calm down a bit and to help me forget about this weird tightening tickle in my throat...I dont want to become an alcoholic...but is there something else out there right now that can relieve me of this instantly????  My dad had taken this stuff that calms you, but I havent asked my dr for it...Im about to...because this isnt fair to myself or my kids...I should be more worried about living then dying....my mom says you can make yourself sicker from thinking your sick...and when you keep telling your mind something, its telling your body its there...so she says to tell your mind, nothings wrong...its not there...its ok...well...she got that from "The Secret" so maybe I need to try that...but for now, I think I need confirmation..I need a MAJOR PHYSCIAL to test for everything, then I need a pill to take the anxeity away and then wake up the next day starting brand new and assure myself that Im ok...but this is in my dreams!!!!!

 

Any suggestions, any thoughts on this??

 

Thanks for reading...

MN Mommy

Posted 6/30/2007 1:48 AM (GMT 0)
My suggestion is this. If the Zoloft helped you before, it will probably help you again. Remember, there's a nasty "breakin" period for a lot of people when they start up on the SSRI's. It can take 6-12 weeks for them to really kick in - and during that time you may actually feel worse. Xanax can a huge help during this period.

I've been down this road twice.

It's time for you to endure and not expect immediate relief. We get ourselves into an insidious thought cycle where we demand control, panic when we fail, demand more, fail and panic more, etc.

It's very important that you also find one or more people that you can share your heart with. Get out of your own mind... : )
Posted 6/30/2007 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
June,

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Are you sure you're not me??????  I was literally thinking as I was reading your post that I have NEVER in my life heard someone explain exactly what I feel, what I do to myself ALL THE TIME!!!!!! I may have mentioned this in my earlier post... but I am also 29 (but with 4 children) and I've been battling the exact same feelings/experiences for what seems like ever... it rules my life (when it's bad) you know.  I actually just put myself in counseling because I am tired of torturing myself and I'm ready to live my life without the constant fear.  PLEASE DO NOT FOCUS ON "THE SECRET"...  trust me I read the book and felt absolutely amazing for a short period of time but then I began to think about the message it sends out... although I agree that it's wonderful to have a positive attitude and BIG dreams... I believe that in addition to "thinking" about it and "wishing" for it one MUST take action and WORK toward what they want.  Conversely the book indicates that people who have negative thoughts bring bad things to themselves... that is a dangerous concept, one that places a whole lot of blame on people for their suffering and I think that thought process is very unrealistic and unfair. 

With anything in life... try to take the good out of what you read, see, hear, and experience.  I am not sure if we ever completely get over having anxiety but I am POSITIVE that we can learn not to catastrophize everything and to live in the present moment.  Try watching a new video release called "The Peaceful Warrior" I think there are some great lessons to learn from messages in this movie.  God bless you June, and please know that there is someone here who KNOWS EXACTLY how you feel!!!

Posted 6/30/2007 3:08 AM (GMT 0)
How proud I am of all of you, you are helping each other and that kind of help can not be bought in any store.

Keep on talking as getting it out in the open makes you start looking at your problems from different angles.

Keep on posting. I come here everyday hoping that one of you has found some hope, some peace or some answers as I know you find support.

Gentle Hugs to all.

Kitt
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