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Posted 7/28/2007 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
Wow- I should say that I have been on a few medications for my anxiety and depression and Lexapro has been very good for me. However, I notice a marked change in my drinking. I am already a heavy drinker, but I also experience blackouts almost every night when taking Lexapro. I haven't figured out if I just drink more or if it hits me harder. It seems like many of you have experienced less of a tolerance- maybe that's what it is. I agree that one probably shouldn't mix alcohol and anti-depressants- problem is- often the two go hand and hand.
Posted 7/28/2007 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Proactive? Are you out there? I, too am trying to stop drinking. I am also afraid of setting a bad exaple for my (coincidence) four children. I think you will find that Lexapro is better than Paxil- I did not ever try the other med you were on. Paxil made me feel like a complete zombie and messed my digestive system up something awful! On Lexapro I still feel like me- only better. I feel accessible and like I am able to be more present in the moment. It is ironic that this is a desirable effect as I try so hard with alcohol to do just the opposite. I wish you the best of luck and am inspired by your candor. Good luck.
Posted 7/28/2007 7:05 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt ((((((((Hugs to you to!))))))


Hello cdp6! Yes, I am a heavy drinker myself but am trying hard to be sober. ...there are at least 1 or 2 days when I 've stayed sober but not without thinking about alcohol. I've only been on lexapro for 3 weeks now and I think I want to stay on it. I'm sick & tired of going the rounds with antidepressants. I'm happy to hear that Lexapro is doing it's work with you despite your heavy drinking though very concerned with the blackouts that you're having. I do not know how long you've been on lexapro. My theory is the medication has built up on your system and with your heavy drinking have been causing you the blackouts! You might have a lethal cocktail on your hand already. I myself have already felt a certain heaviness in my head on lexapro alone ..as in I could not think straight (on days when I've stayed sober) although recently i've been taking Sleepasil which is a combination of melatonin, valerian root and chamomile) to help me sleep. I will be informing my doctor about my taking Sleepasil and my muddy thinking and see whether it's the Lexapro or the Sleepasil that's the culprit.
will keep you posted. Yes cdp6, we must stay concerned with the bad example we're setting to our children. I've just read Lyn's story last night. Please read it too! Please take care!
Posted 7/28/2007 2:00 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning cdp6
Welcome to Healing Well and the A & P forum. You have joined a wonderful site as the members here know where you are coming from and what you are going through.
I read your posts and I am sorry that you have such a huge decicion to make. You have to decide if you can give up the alcohol or risk continuing to drink heavily and take drugs. Alcohol is incompatible with many of the drugs used to treat depression. It can intensify the sedative effects of some antidepressants. This is one of the reasons you may be experiencing blackouts.
I would like to suggest you speak with your physician about your problems as he/she can advice you on treatment plans.
I admire the fact that you do not want to set a bad example for your children.
Please do read Lyn's story.
https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=739815
Just click on the link and it will take you to Lyn's story.
Again welcome and stay with us.
Posted 8/5/2007 7:55 AM (GMT 0)
 

Proactive-  I hope you find what is making your thoughts muddy.  I have not noticed this with Lexapro- and neither did my husband.

I've read Lyn's story and it frightens me.  It's true- people seem to have to hit the bottom to make real change.  I haven't hit yet- but I see it coming.  I am beginning to see problems in my marriage as my husband is a recovering alcoholic and is (with justification) upset at the fact that I effectively "check out" every evening- often leaving him to put the kids to bed.  I am a homebody and I relate to Lyn's sense of dual identities.  Only those in my close circle have any idea of what I am doing to myself- and those clerks at the store where I buy about 2 liters of vodka a week. I also have alternated shopping in different locations to avoid being "discovered."  I drink, pass out, and am early to work each morning.  I've somehow learned how to drink without getting a hangover- or maybe I just don't remember what it feels like to not be hungover.  From the outside- we look like the perfect family.  In fact- my family is beautiful- I'm the one with the ugly secret.

 

Back to the topic at hand- I am hoping now that I am back on Lexapro- (had to stop because I didn't have insurance but I do now) that I will be able to deal with life and my anxiety better.  One of the reasons I knew I had to get back on Lexapro was because I really want to try to get control of my life and knock off this nonsense with my drinking.  I would say get BACK control of my life- but I've never had it.  I've surrended control of my life over and over- through an eating disorder, abusive relationships, and substances MUCH worse than alcohol.

I am glad I found this forum.  I am afraid to go to AA because I live in a pretty small town and I worry about being found out and failing. I would have no shame in being a recovering alcoholic- I just worry about relapse and how disappointed my husband, mom, best-friend and (terribly) ten year old daughter would be (all have begged me to stop doing this to myself) if I failed.   This has been a good step though.  In some ways reading other's experiences and Lyn's posting has made me feel a little more brave and a little less alone.

Proactive-  I hear you when you say you've stayed sober, but not without thinking about alcohol.  So many times I've tried to quit and I hate myself because I become so irritable to everyone around me because all I can think about is how badly I want a drink.  I am a pleasant alcoholic- when I am awake- which usually isn't long once I start drinking. 

Thanks for the comments- gook luck.

Posted 8/5/2007 2:16 PM (GMT 0)
cdp6
Good Morning and I am so proud of you! You are really working toward your goal in dealing with the drinking. You are reading other's posts, Lyn's is gut wrenching, and you are accepting slowly that you must overcome your illness. That alone is the first step.
If I may, I would suggest you remember you must give up the alcohol for you, not for anyone else as it is your life and health you need to take control of. Many people have set backs, but if your working toward your goal and hit stumbling blocks or a big brick wall along the way you are not a failure. You will never be a failure.
You have the desire to overcome your problem which is a huge indicator that you want help. ry lowering the amount of alcohol beverages or alternate with no alcohol. </FONT>
Remember, we are here and we do not judge so please keep posting and know that there is much support and caring here for you so giant hugs are coming your way.
Take care.
Posted 8/5/2007 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
hello cdp6!  i,VE been to my doctor already and she said it's not the Lexapro that's causing my muddy thinking.  Lexapro, in fact, has the opposite effect, giving one clear thinking.  So, I think it must be the Sleepasil I am taking which has melatonin, valerian root & chamomile...which all acts as sedatives.  My only guess then of why you're having blackouts is your heavy alcohol consumption.  Vodka is a lot, lot stronger than what I drink which is wine and a few beers(when I ran out of wine) 

 

    Let us continue to fight our cravings for alcohol....as I am typing this I am sober but I'm imagining that very relaxing 1st gulp....I'm sure you know what I mean.  I'm almost also sure that in a few days or maybe tomorrow, I won't be sober.  I, too, am somewhat reluctant to go to an AA meeting as I live in a small city where almost everyone knows each other.  I really do not know why I like drinking alcohol.  I feel more like me when I'm drinking but I always end up feeling guilty afterwards for indulging because one, I spend the next whole morning in bed and being useless and with a hangover.   Second, it is against my religion. Third, I know my children thinks I am the weaker one between my husband and me.  Although my husband does have his cocktail every night too he can stop at a few drinks when he wants to and as for me I have to finish the whole bottle of wine.     As my children are all girls too they would tend to look at my actions more than they would my husband. Fourth,  it doesn't certainly feel good that I am powerless over something and that I've given in to my cravings again!   By the way,  I also resent my husband when he goes somewhere where I know he's sneaking a cocktail or two or more as I'm trying to stay sober.

 

      Cdp6, I certainly hope we'll both win over our battle with alcohol somehow.

 

   I'll be away for a week where I won't have internet access but hoping to hear from you again.  Take care.

 

Posted 8/6/2007 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
To you all that are suffering BUT no longer in silence or in a dark corner please read my story know I am here and I can and willl help you all I am able
My sobriety has been a Godsend for me
I dont have the cravings the want or need to drink ...........
I worry really very much when ppl mix the AD's .. herbal products and alcohol
Being sober is a GREAT way to live it is like lifting the blinders off your eyes finally ya know ///////////
Email me if you would like to
As for going to AA in your town you dont have to you can go to ANY AA group and be welcomed and helped along the way there are in some places phone sponsors as well
I still talk to my sponser from all those yrs ago .....This makes a big diffenece in my life
I am happy to say I know of 2 ppl that have quit drinking since the story and joining HW......
THEY did it NOT me at all
One Day At A Time .........
LYN
Posted 8/13/2007 1:27 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Lynn!   So envious when you said :

My sobriety has been a Godsend for me

I dont have the cravings the want or need to drink ........... yeah  

I am still waiting for that Godsend day...I keep praying for a healing.   I wonder why other people seem to be blessed with an instant healing while I keep struggling and why oh why do I crave for alcohol!!!  In Yahoo Uk today, Anthony Hopkins revealed he was saved from alcoholism by a Golden Voice that just told him, "It's the day,  Go for it! ".  When I hear these kind of stories...I get so downcasted and frustrated...I can only seem to go without alcohol for only 2 days the most and backslide again.

     I just want people from healing well forum to know that I include everyone now in my daily prayers even when I don't get to read all of their messages.  When I discovered this site I began to be aware that a lot of people are suffering and struggling with their own demons.  Wish you continued success in your sobriety. yeah   Love and prayers to all!

Posted 8/13/2007 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
proactice,
I love your positive attitude. I am not an acoholic but I do recognize that I have an addictive personality and have been caught up in over indulging in things that were not in my best interest.
I have talked to people who have had healings and I wish I was a believer that I would suddenly see the light and feel peaceful. Alas, like you, I have never had that happen and therefore I have to assume that I was givien a brain to work my way through my problems.
However did I have to get a brain with a few short circuits? smile
You are so right about Healing Well. It is a wonderful place to come and share, ask for help and support others.

Gentle Hugs to you.
Kitt
Posted 8/13/2007 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
The only time I drink is when we go out & have a meal.I have been on many antidepressants & had no problem.Drinking & not eating is not good.
Posted 8/13/2007 10:57 PM (GMT 0)

Hello all-

I swear I am dumbfounded at times when I read Proactive's posts!  I have such similar battles in my mind.  I keep praying for that moment where it just clicks and I am able to put it in my past.  However, I am trying to learn about myself and hope that through understanding of what makes me want to drink or engage in other self-defeating behaviors- that I will be able to work it out.  My drinking is only one symptom of a much larger issue for me- one of control.

I think sometimes being drunk is the only space I have that's my own- retreating inside of myself.  I know that I need to find a constructive way to decompress and make room for me- I just haven't figured it out yet. 

Also, back to when you (Proactive) said that you feel more like yourself when you drink- I act more like I'd want to act in many ways- I am more laid back, I don't freak out over the house being messy.  I just sometimes feel incapable of being able to relax. 

I have been able to have a few days without drinking and I feel that being able to work some things out here has really helped me be able to do it.  So- thanks to you all.

My prayers are with all of you as well. 

Posted 8/15/2007 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
HI all
It has been a Godsend for me my friend and I dont get the cravings .....I use to I would actually visably shake when I saw a drink or a beer bottle just after I got sober
It took my love of my life to be buried by this demon to make me STOP I hope that is not going to be the case with anyone out there........
I KNOW how hard it is I pray you will find a way
YOU DO HAVE the strength ....you DO have the support.....it is now up to you
I will help if I can believe me ......
AND no u are not your self when drinking thats the whole wrong of it you are someone else that yes is laid back and worry free but not u ........IN my opinion......
I see the beauty in the grass the trees the smile and feel the hug of my daughter I do feel the love for real not the bullcrap of booze and thats what it is ...IN my opinion
I want to live and live sober but I do know I can still slide........ so each morning I say the serenity prayer and pray for others like you's that want to quit .........
and I get up and start my day going on
I AM not perfect .I have many flaws and weaknesses and so I need to watch myself .....STILL
Please know you are not alone
One Day At A Time ..........
Luvs
N
Be Well
LYN
Posted 8/15/2007 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
Lyn-

Thank you for your posting. 

I am having a pretty tough day today.  I got home yesterday and there were 7 children at my house. (Only 4 are ours)  Bless my husband for being at home all day with all those kids- but after having worked all day, I just want to come home and relax- instead I came home to 5 girls baking cookies making a mess that I know (no matter their "efforts") I will be the one to clean up, a sink overflowing with dirty dishes, about 4 loads of laundry to fold and blah blah blah- Proactive- I am sure you know the story...

So- you know I started in early last night- and didn't stop.  I wrote in an earlier posting that for some reason I don't get hung over- God was laughing last night.  I was SOOO sick- throwing up at 2:00 this morning, shaking and my head was POUNDING!  I've been at my (stressful but interesting) new dream job for less than a month and I wondered how I would EVER make it in to work at 8:00.  I just cried. It might have been the best thing that's ever happened to me...

I picked myself up off the bathroom floor and got my 1.75 liter of vodka from the kitchen.  (I could drink this amount in about 5 days.)  I prayed.  Then I poured the bottle down the toilet and sat there and listened to the liquid splash the water in the toilet.  I was in awe/shock/disgust thinking of how I was capable of constantly putting that much poison in my body.  Imagine if I would have watched a whole week's worth- or a month- I fear you could fill a few swimming pools with the amount I've consumed since this became a problem- a little over 4 years ago. I leaned over to flush the toilet and was taken aback at the smell.

I took a bath in hopes that my head would stop throbbing, then  I went to bed and prayed.  This is not the first time I drank myself sick, it might not be the last.  But TONIGHT I am going to go home and say a prayer instead.

Thanks to you all so much for sharing your stories.

Posted 8/16/2007 9:57 AM (GMT 0)
SWEETIE
This is the beginning of the end I believe for you
I started getting hangovers that lasted 3 and 4 days could not stop puking dry heaving you know what I am talking about
I do and will keep praying
Anytime ....anytime......KNOW I am here
I am here
But For The Grace Of God Go I .......One Day At A Time .......
Luvs and all the best
LYN.
Posted 8/18/2007 9:51 PM (GMT 0)

Lyn

Thank you so much.

It's a challenge.  My husband and I have been arguing the past few days.  It seems that I am very sleepy- ironic because my biggest EXCUSE for drinking was that I couldn't sleep without a drink- obviously- just kidding myself...

I have been with my husband a little over three years and have been a very heavy drinker the entire time we have been together.  I think we both have fears about me stopping drinking.  I am afraid that I won't be that wild- carefree person I portrayed that he fell in love with and he fears that if I am not drunk- I won't love him.  I know this is not at all true.  SO- the arguing doesn't surprise me- or alarm me.  I know it is a natural thing to resist and/or fear change.  As time has passed, I have become more confident that he doesn't just love the drunk me- in fact the longer it goes on- the more he resents it.  I don't blame him.  I don't expect him to respect my choices when I can't.  That's what I am trying to change.

It's been three days since I've had a drink and today I had an arguement with my 11 year old daughter- which seems to spawn my strongest desires to drink.  I was in a very bad relationship with her father and feel a tremendous amount of guilt about how I let her down as a mother during the relationship and any sign of emotional turmoil (and she has much) I feel completely overcome with those guilty feelings and try to hide from them in the bottle.  Today, she got into what should have been a minor argument with her step-sister and wound up running her mouth off at me by saying that I should have punished her sister for rolling her eyes at her (for something she deserved I might add).   So- I got my shoes on and told my husband that I was going to the store before he left for work tonight becaue I just couldn't deal.  I got my keys in my hand and took two steps out the door and turned around.  I DON'T want that.  I am not solving my problems that way, I am only putting them off until they turn into bigger problems that I can't put off. 

Good thing I turned around...I heard my daughter in her room just crying and crying (not typical of her).  She was so upset with herself for melting down that way and so concerned that nobody liked her (I think she mostly meant me).  I went in and hugged her rubbed her back for a few minutes and she bounced back.  I never would have known that she was so upset and so down on herself if I hadn't turned around. 

I wonder how many other times I didn't turn around and left her with no one to turn to.

I believe your thoughts and prayers have helped to give me a louder/stronger inner voice and TODAY I am glad I listened.

Posted 8/18/2007 10:02 PM (GMT 0)
When I wrote "that's what I am trying to change." I meant the fact that I constantly make decisions that I don't respect.  I want to be clear that I understand that the only way I will be successful at healing is if I do it for me.  Believe me, one night this week when my husband and I were arguing, I thought- "Screw this- I'll just go get some and pass out- that'll show him."  Show him what?  Who cares what it shows HIM- I have stopped drinking for me.  I am accountable to ME.   I know it makes him a little uncomfortable to not know what to expect from me during a transitional period, but I am no longer going to hide behind that excuse to change.  He is a good, strong man who sincerely loves me and will be very happy to see me make healthier choices for myself- that's not the reason I've stopped, but it sure will contribute to my success.

Posted 8/19/2007 2:17 AM (GMT 0)
I used to drink all a lot while on SSRI. I found that i could drink a lot of drinks and not feel really buzzed. But it caught up to me. After a few months of regular drinking and medication intake, i had some serious problems. The medication and alcohol mix sent me into a weird state of being ( felt like i was on LSD having a bad trip) for a few a days. I had to, at that point, make the decision to not drink anymore. It was hard as i was medicating, but also self medicating with the booze. They clashed and made me really messed up. If you are on a medication to help with depression or anxiety, dont drink or do anything that counter acts it. It not only makes it pointless, it can catch up to you and make your situation worse off then it was in the first place.

I'm not one to preach about anything. Its personal choice. But if you want to get better you should not be "partying". I think 1 drink is ok, but beyond that, your just messing yourself up more. And it sucks, cause i was a social drinker. I loved going out and drinking. I didnt really no what to do when i stopped. It took me about a year to adjust to a new life style. I love not being a drinker now :D

Its been 3 years.

take care
dan
Posted 8/20/2007 3:02 PM (GMT 0)
I am so PROUD of you and please do not beat yourself up over the times you " may not have turned around" we are all human
The point is this time YOU DID turn around and you were sober and it all worked out for you and your daughter
Yes the change for you and hubby will and is scary BUT you will love the whole life thing enjoy your kids more him more but more importantly for right now
YOU .........
You have come so far in so little time be proud of that hold your head high
ALSO remember as a human backslides are gonna happen my friend so if it does HAVE NO SHAME.......come here and talk it thru please dont just take off and feel you will be judged you wont be
I am on your shoulder hun
God Bless
One Day At A Time we go on this journey together .........we will make it ...........
You have done awesome and that pouring the bottle out had to have been hard as well but I remember my day of doing that very well as if it just happened........
You are going about this so well
Proud .......
Today I pray you have another sober day as I pray I will as well .....I am here ......YES you have to do this for YOU first .........
Luvs and stay ......
LYN
Posted 8/20/2007 8:18 PM (GMT 0)
Kudos to you, wow that was awesome.........pouring the bottle out. Look at how strong you are?
Lyn and Dan are the best role models you could have found and I am so glad you have the kind of support they have to offer you.
You keep on girl and you will make it. I support you 100%. ((((HUGS)))))
Posted 8/20/2007 10:25 PM (GMT 0)

Hello all!

Thank you so much!  I hate to write to say that I slipped back the other night.   I am disappointed in myself BUT I am working to change my perspective and you all have helped me to do that.  I am trying not to take an "all or nothing" approach.  I need to have patience with myself.  What has happened in the past is that when I slip up, I GIVE UP.  I have no intention of doing that this time.  I WILL NOT carry yesterday into today. It is my guilt that keeps me drinking and it is a vicious cycle.  I slip up, then I feel guilty and that pushes me right back into despair.  I will feel good about the fact that while I have not done a PERFECT job this past week, I have done a BETTER job- not just at avoiding drinking, but at embracing life.  BETTER is improvement.  I just have to keep moving forward and trying to improve.  I haven't been  sober as many days as I was this week in over a YEAR!  It is really a challenge for me and I have physical reactions when I try to stop- so I am still feeling good- even though I was weak last night.  I don't have the desire tonight and have found that (unlike my expectations) I don't desire alcohol every night once my head gets clear. 

It is SO wonderful to have your support. You are my cyber-angels!

Thanks!

Posted 8/21/2007 1:01 PM (GMT 0)
We are here for you
YOU are doing the work ...taking the steps and MAKING sense to me on your approach STEPS....baby steps BUT steps nonetheless BE proud of thiose sweetie ......I sure am ...I look for your posts each morning to see how you are and no even slidiing you wont disappoint me noe self I KNOW you are trying and that to me is the greatest thing ......no never give up
Always here for you
One Day At A Time .............
Your sis in Sobriety
Posted 9/27/2007 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
I was very curious about this topic myself. I just started taking lexapro 3 weeks ago. I heard drinking and taking can cause permanate brain damage, but i havent found any studies to confirm this. Has anyone read anything about this? I have drank 4 or 5 times since taking it and I have not noticed any difference. I drank 8 beers monday night and then chugged a bottle of MD20/20 and I dont rember anything after that. I heard I was pretty crazy though. I guess this could have been lexapro because it said amnesia is a side affect of drinking while being on lex. I havent gotten sick or had a smaller tallerance because of it though
Posted 9/27/2007 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
Me
Welcome to Healing Well. I am Kitt and I will stick my neck out and give you my thoughts on Drinking and drugs.
Alcohol is incompatible with many of the drugs used to treat depression. It can intensify the sedative effects of some antidepressants. Chronic alcohol consumption can increase the availability of some antidepressants while potentially causing a dangerous rise in blood pressure. Consult your physician or pharmacist for specific precautions regarding your own medications.
If you want to be safe, lose the alcohol especially in the amounts you are ingesting or you may wake up dead.
MD Mad Dog is the same as Mogan David, fyi but you probably knew that. My motto is to do no harm so I do not mean to offend you, just offer sound advice.
Please take care of yourself. smile
Posted 9/27/2007 10:53 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome
Please I implore you to STOP and think about what COULD have happened ......no nothing did BUT stillllll

As posted this topic makes me afraid for all that mixing the drinking and meds.........
Know as Kitt said we and others are here for you .......
Have you had a chance to read my story.....it brouhgt out many demons but it also helped me to get those dang demons out .....FOR GOOD............
YOU have to want this for you FIRST

TO all that are no longer drinking .....kudos.......to those that have cut way back ...........Kudos too
Baby steps and ONE day at a time PLUS the care and support of HW can help
** AGAIN this must be FOR YOU FIRST **
I am keeping all in heart thoughts and my prayers ...........
Luvs
Lyn
Sober still today........
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