Need comments, support, Please.

Hi everyone,

Well, I am ready to go back on meds for my anxiety...I had a really bad anxiety attack on the way to work yesterday, and it affected me all day. I hate the thought of being on meds, I really, really do not want to be on anything....but I don't know what else to do anymore. I have been off meds for about 9mos and feel like I'm losing it all of the time practically! Just typing this makes me want to cry. I recently started Topamax, for migraines and it is also supposed to be a mood stabilizer, so I did not want to add to the mix. I am stopping the topamax d/t the potential memory loss, etc. As a NICU nurse I cannot have that happenning. No way. It terrifies me to think of spacing out while at work and "missing" something on my pt or not doing something correctly....I even felt "spacey" yesterday and I don't know if it was the topamax or the panic attack. I have a constant level of anxiety, so who knows anymore.

Anyway....2 things.....:

Has anyone been on Cymbalta for anxiety? Success?  Problems? Weight gain? Thoughts?

And...any support is welcomed...I do not have anyone to talk to, I am trying to find a new therapist, just going to therapy terrifies me.

Thanks everyone, hope to hear from you soon.

JuneBug, Thank you so much for your reply. I have dealt w/anxiety my whole life....d/t childhood traumas. I don't like counselling because I have not yet had a good experience w/it and w/finding a good counselor. I'm hoping to find someone I feel comfortable with who can help w/my issues.
I don't quite "get" it though....I know why I have anxiety....I don't know how re-hashing old pain and trauma is going to help rid me of anxiety today. And I do try all the relaxation and behavior modification techniques they employ....but who knows, maybe that will be the key with finding the "right" person to talk to.
Again, thanks for your support.

yeah, I can relate to the therapy being terrifying feeling, for sure. For me it hits on a few levels. One is the fear of what they might tell me about myself that i don't want to face or scared to. The other is that they will misdiagnose me and put me on meds that I dont want to be on in the first place. But i have found someone i feel i can trust. I too went off all medication and after just a short time had a horrible relapse of panic. It got so bad that the doctor i trusted suggest that i check into an out patient program for daily therapy. The sound of that horrified me. I was like " Am i that bad? Did i really get to a point where i have to go to a hospital?" After LOTs of talks one day, i finally went to this place my trusted therapist referred me to. She told me " Dan, i would go there in a minute. I would have recommend my closest friends, family, anyone in crisis to go there". I went. It was the best thing I've ever really done for my mental health. Anyways, I guess its hard, but finding someone you trust is pretty amazing. Finding a therapist you bond with and trust is amazing. From the experience I've had, even the psychiatrist at the hospital, they've always want to find the minimal dose of medication to stabilize me. That is the only reason I went back on medication, is because i was in crisis and i trust these people.

So, i hope you can find that. I mean, writing on here is great. The community here is one of a kind. But, if you can try and find a therapist you can trust. One that doesnt want to just throw you on medications, but really figure out what sets you off, and works to target specific thought patterns and triggering events. I'm envious that you were able to be off medication for 9 months! Maybe you just need a little something, and that might be CBT therapy, and a super light dose of something... Or not.

Anyways, best of luck. Hang in there and keep writing!

best_
Dan

Thanks so much everyone for all the replies. Yes, it is nice to have a nice, safe, anonymous place to come to and post your questions, fears, etc. And I know I need, plus, I really do want, to find a therapist I "click" with. That is definitely a priority! :)
I am weaning off of Topamax per my MD's orders and I see her in about a week to discuss my medication "options".
I am hoping I don't need to be on meds for very long....I don't know why it bothers me, other than the possibility of side effectcs, etc, but I've just never been one to take meds, long term anyway. Medically speaking, other than migraines, I haven't had any physical issues. I feel a certain "stigma" I guess associated w/the anti-anxiety/depression meds. I know it's silly, and I know they help a lot of people. I just want to mentally, feel better, and if I need the meds, I need the meds!
Well, you all have a great Labor Day W/E! And, thanks again for your help! :)