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How to Know When to Say Good Bye

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Posted 10/21/2007 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hello my friends,

I was not going to post but decided that I would have a go at it. My Doberman, my best friend, Dee Dog, is very bad off and I know I have to make the decision on when to have her put to sleep.  I do not know how to do this.

I wish she could talk to me and tell me if she is in a lot of pain. She is 12 years old now and my very first dog................I love her but I wish God would just let her go to sleep and then I would not have to decide.

I am feeling very emotional and anxious about how I can be without her.  She has been my port in a storm so many times these past several years.  What do I do?  I keep crying and I don't know how to stop the sadness. I feel so alone in making this decision.  I just feel alone already and she is still here.

Kitt

Posted 10/22/2007 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt I am so sorry. The loss of a loved one is terribly painful - with dogs especially they have an uncanny ability to sense our feelings and want to "take care of us". My friend once told me that her cat (whom she loved tremendously) was very old and, like your companion, in a bad state. My friend tried so many times to make the decision to lay her to rest but was unable to -because she couldn't face being without her or knowing that she would take her to the animal hospital and leave without her. One morning she sat down next to her Kitty and looking her in the eyes said "I love you and will miss you terribly but I know that you are tired - it is ok to go now, I will be ok." With that she kissed her head and left for work. When she arrived home her cat had passed away. My friend truly believes that her cat was holding on for her, because she didn't want to leave her alone. So when she was given the permission to rest it made her OK to do so.

I certainly don't presume to know what is in the mind of your friend but maybe you could try talking to her and letting her know that you love her and that you will be OK if she rests. But Kitt remember if you are forced to make the decision I know that regardless of how painful, you will get through it because I've come to realize that you are a very strong person. God Bless You.

Liz
Posted 10/22/2007 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Kitt, I extend my sorrow to you. That is a horrible decision to have to make, and I am sorry you are in that position. Sadly, I dont' know how to reply to your post. That is a decison I have never had to make, and one I hope to never have to make. I understand how you are feeling when you say you wish she could talk and tell you what she is truly feeling. Unfortunetly, she cannot, and you have to use your judgement based on how she is acting now, compared to how she usually acts. I am sorry you are dealing with this...and I pray you are able to find the strength you need to get through this. Maybe someone can give you a better answer than I am. (((((MANY HUGS TO YOU SWEETIE)))))
Posted 10/22/2007 12:16 AM (GMT 0)

Kitt,

Is Dee sick or is she just old?  (I know you said she was 12 in your post).  Is she still eating, drinking, urinating and going number 2?  Those are the big things to look for. 

I have a doberman too, and 12 is old for that breed of dog...Sasha, my dobe is 7.  They are wonderful dogs and truly best friends.

You know your dog better than anyone else - does the decision have to come down to deciding whether or not to put her down?  Or is that what people want you to believe?  I don't mean to make your decision any rougher, because this is a rough one...I have had to do it in the past.  But please listen to your heart and to your friend, Dee...she will let you know...God bless you and Dee.  Hugs to you both!

Sylk

Posted 10/22/2007 2:05 AM (GMT 0)

Thank you for your loving answers. She still has all her bodily functions but has severe arthritis, has lost control of her legs and has lost over 7 lbs. She does eat. She has tumors on the edge of each eye and the Vet would not remove them as he said she could not survive the anesthesia.

She has a nasty infected paw which she will knaw at without her loose muzzle.  I keep her bandage changed daily.  If she gets the chance she will pull it off and eat the dressing and open up the wound. Her front foot curls under so she stumbles alot and walks into walls and falls down.

But she is so wonderful and loving.  I know I have to decide and she will be in my heart forever, but I can't stop the tears.

Hugs

Kitt


Posted 10/22/2007 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Well Kitt, I have decided to give you a loving suggestion. I hope you don't mind. After hearing all that your beloved dog is going through, I would have to say the poor thing is huring. I am sure she feels your love, and I know you love her too, but she does, indeed seem to be in bad shape. I think if I were in your position, I would have to let go. I know it is hard, and I know it is sad...I am sad for you and for your pup right now. I know it is tough, and I know this decision is one that NO ONE wants to make. Again, I hope you are able to find the strength you need to get through this. Pets do become part of the family...it is hard to let go. Unfortunetly, sometimes, it is the best thing to do. Extending many hugs to you.
Posted 10/22/2007 4:26 AM (GMT 0)

Oh Kitt,

I am so sorry.  I am such a huge animal lover.  I am so sorry you are facing this.  I have put two dogs down and it is not a lot of fun but I was grateful to be able to end their suffering.  I also held them in my arms as this was done.  I was able to talk them to their end.  The worst part of doing this is losing them, not the actual passing.  It is that they are gone.  It is a lonely time when you have lost your canine best friend.  Grieve and give yourself that time to be sad.  Your relationship with this dog warrants some real devotion to that.  You may in time want another dog.  I did and it so helped me.  Good luck with this decision and I am so thinking of you. 

Love and prayers,

Posted 10/22/2007 6:27 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Kitt,
I'm crying just thinking about this...I am so very sorry for what you and your Dee are going thru...when my cockatiel Shadow died, it was at home. It was sort of sudden and I was glad to not have to make that decision. No matter what decision you make, we'll support you. Again, I am sooooo sorry that words fail me.
HUGS to you and Dee.
luvs ya,
janet
Posted 10/22/2007 2:06 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you so much each of you for your kindness, understanding and prayers.

I am expecting my husband home from up North today and I will sit down with him and tell him it is ok,  I can do this for my loving Dee.  I know I will crash bad but I am prepared for that.  I have never had to decide to put a pet to sleep.

I know it is kind and the best for her as she bumps into walls and tries so hard to keep going.  I have to do this and I will.  I guess it may have to be a day this week. 

I have spent a long weekend alone with her and crying for her.  So now I must act. I need strength so I will have to reach down deep inside and your support means so very much to me.

Thank you.

Hugs to all

Kitt

Posted 10/22/2007 2:53 PM (GMT 0)

Kitt,

It sounds as though you may be making the right decision.  Dee is lucky to have had you as a mommy for 12 long years!  And you were lucky to have such a devoted best friend for 12 years as well!  (Remember that!)  Death is always hard, whether it is a family member, or a pet.  You are in my thoughts and prayers and know that we are all sorry you are having to go through this tough time right now...God will help you through!

Sylk

Posted 10/22/2007 3:18 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks Sylk,

I know she will be better off and I need to not be selfish here as I know she is in pain. I just dressed the sore on her poor paw and the bone is deformed.  She is sad, but the love in her eyes melts my heart.

I will have my hubby call the Vet and I will be with her. I am praying for strength.  To think I never used to understand the big deal when people mourned for the pets, well I now know why they mourn.

Gentle Hugs and the suport is so needed and acccepted with gratitude.

Kitt

Posted 10/22/2007 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Well Kitt, you know you have all the support in the world right here. Let us know if you need a shoulder to cry on, or whatever. We are all here for you...KNOW THAT. Please let us know what happens with this. Wishing you all the best, always! (((((HUGS)))))
Posted 10/22/2007 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hey lil sis

Know my heart thoughts and prayers are with you and Dee

I have an idea but will talk to you about it after k ..........I am sure you already know what it is ........you read me like no other has..........

Shoulder is here sis .....anytime...........anytime ......you know that I love and care for you as a lil sis .......

Big sis out and hurting for you both............
Luvs ya
Posted 10/22/2007 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt I am so sorry.........yes ,this is a sad moment....and is hard to say goodbye to a beloved pet.....

This is the toughest thing you could do for your pet, but it is the most responsible thing you can do as well....  when quality of life becomes an issue, putting your dog to sleep is the greatest act of love there is.....Just know in your heart you are doing the right thing. Lots of luck to you and my sympathy's...

Micha

Below,is a peom.....sad...but real.....and comforting......

May I go now
Don't you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain-filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be,
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first.
I fought with all my might!
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and loving light.
I want to go! I really do!
It's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day .
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and are afraid
because I see your tears.
I'll not be far, I promise that,
and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you
wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me.
You know I loved you too.
That's why it's hard to say good-bye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now, just one more time,
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you'll let me go today.

 

Posted 10/22/2007 8:46 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you all, the poem was so lovely and I believe that is what Dee would say to me.

My hubby is home.  I could use a giant jar of super glue to hold me together..................the appointment is made for Wednesday at 3 PM. I cannot believe we know exactly when she will leave us forever.

She looks at me with the trusting brown eyes, this wonderful, warm, furry, devoted Dee Dog and I am plotting her death. I cannot bear this...............why does God not let her die in her sleep peacefully. She deserves to just die without being hauled into the Jeep and carried into the vets..............I cannot stand this.

I want to run and hide, I want to scream.............but I must pretend that I am ok, go to work tonight and be nice to people, not let on how bad I am feeling.

Am I a whimp, why am I not tough as nails and just quit making a fuss about this?

Someone tell me why?

Posted 10/22/2007 9:12 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt, in NO WAY are you a whimp! I am sad for you and your pup right now too. Knowing that she will be gone on Wednesday at 3 p.m. is pretty sad. It is the best thing for her though. Just try your best to keep her comfortable until then, and share as much time as you can with her between now and then. Hold her, love her, and even explain to her what is going on. You are doing the right thing, even if you feel guilty, or wrong, or whatever negative emotion you are feeling right now. You are NOT a whimp. Don't let yourself think that. And really, you are making the right decision. Dee will be in a better place where she will not suffer. (((((HUGS))))) Try to stay strong, and we are here if you need us.
Posted 10/22/2007 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Kitt_

I just went through this 10 days ago. It's sooooo hard, but i was surprised at how i felt after. Leading up to it was intense anxiety and uncontrollable sadness. It makes me sad to even write this now, but once my boy left I felt a bit of relief. He was starting to suffer. I good see it in his big brown eyes. I feel like i did the best thing for him, and I really tried to keep remembering that. I cried a lot the day before and leading up to it the day of, i was hyperventilating and crying. When he left I felt a bit of peace and sadness of course. I wish i could write more, but i'm at work and its really hard for me to contain my emotions. Just know, i felt the same way and asked the same questions "how the heck am i gonna live with out him, he's been here everyday for 13 years" and " I cant do this with out my boy" But i'm managing ( i basically was grieving for months though, so i dont know how sudden this is). And i know you will too. Its so hard and painful, and i know its hard to believe, but you be ok. Maybe not the first few days, or even weeks, but you'll look back on this experience and your girl and know you did the right thing... You'll smile when you think of her. You'll know she can never be replace. You know she is thankful for having such a kind owner and one that is helping her make the transition to doggie heaven easier. You're doing the kindest thing for her. I cant talk any more.

:'(

I'm sorry
Posted 10/22/2007 11:18 PM (GMT 0)

Kitt,

You and I have had a couple of conversations about Dee and her situation.  I'm glad you have been able to make the decision for her.  I know how hard it is.  I was selfish with my first dog, Lily who lived to be 17, I should have let her go sooner.  But I learned my lesson and when it came time for Jake to go at 15, it was easier for me to make the decision.

I don't think you've been selfish.  This is your first time to go through this and you've done your very best to heal her wounds and now you know you can't.

Your situation is different than mine was with Lily.  She had bounced back from being nearly dead so many times that I had a real hard time letting her go. She amazed the vets over and over. They knew her time was up, but I was taking her in on a regular basis for IV fluids and then taking her back home and laying in the floor with her.  That was being selfish.

For your first time dealing with the loss of a pet, I think you are being very brave.  Dee knows you are doing it for her.  Just as I think Lily kept trying to hang on for me and so did Jake.

My love and prayers are with you,

Carla

Posted 10/23/2007 12:26 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with everything said in this thread. You're doing whats right and you are very brave to do this. Its selfless love that is really beautiful and kind. If she could talk she would thank you many times.

dan
Posted 10/23/2007 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Kitt, my heart is breaking as I am reading this.

Hun, you are not a whimp.  Dee is your family. 

Over the past several years, I have put a few of my cats to sleep(one this past July).  It is very difficult.  I won't pretend, there is nothing easy about it. 

But you know in your heart and mind your doing this because you LOVE her sooooo much and do not want to see her suffer in any way.

Sounds like you gave Dee lots of love and affection through the years and vice versa.

Think of all the wonderful memories you have and will continue to have forever! 

Your in my thoughts and prayers!

Hugs

Mary

 

Posted 10/23/2007 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
NO you are not a wimp
You are by far one of the most loving, giving. and compassionate woman I have had the HONOR to call friend and sister..........

I am with you lil sis

Know that plz always .......
LUVS big sis and you are my MENTOR
Posted 10/23/2007 5:35 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you everyone. Dan I know exactly what you mean.  I have been dealing with her going down hill since January.  We have had her to the Vet and he has given her Cortisone shots and she rebounded. Each time she went to the Vet I would be afraid of the outcome and prepare myself but she always came home. 

Now that the decision is made I am able to talk to her and remind her how she used to race around the yard and play with our cat Marty.  They were good buddies.  Dee would race out to the big pole shed to eat Marty's cat food. :-)   She would show in the show ring with my granddaughter 7 years ago and was an angel, never got out of hand. My Granddaughter was 10 years old at the time.

Carla, Your emails and words of love and wisdom have been salve to my soul, you sensed how sad I was and there you were extending a hand to hold. I know I have learned through you about letting go.

To the Other Mary, You are indeed sunshine in my life, your always there with a caring word and encouragement, you are so appreciated for your kindness.

To My Big Sis,  You are my soul sister for sure.  We have shared so much in a short time and you have taught me all about bravery.  You always have time for me know matter what is going on in your life and your so wise beyond your years.  For truly I am the older sister but you are the wiser.  Thank you for being there and for your unconditional love.

I hope everyone who has posted here will think of Dee tomorrow around 3 PM as I kiss her good bye for the last time.  I will stay with her and make sure she has her favorite blanket with her as she leaves the pain behind.

It is said the ones left behind suffer the most, how well I have learned that loosing a son and now a best friend, my Dee.

Love

Kitt

Posted 10/23/2007 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Bringing her blanket is a thoughtful idea. 

Kitt, I hope you don't mind me suggesting this but bringing a small bouquet of flowers is a nice gesture.

I did this for my Kitty.

(((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))

Love

Mary

Posted 10/23/2007 6:10 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you Mary

That is a good idea.  I will do that.  Eventually she will be brought home to rest under a tree where the sunshines as she is a Kentucky girl originally and never has learned to like cold weather. :-)

Love

Kitt

Posted 10/23/2007 11:23 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt, that is a beautiful resting place.

Many hugs to You and Dee.

Saying prayers for you Sweetie.

Love Ya

Mary

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