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Posted 3/8/2008 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Morning everyone.

My anxiety is starting to rear its ugly head.  My son called me.  His best friend (23 yrs old) was dx with stage 4 lung cancer 2 weeks ago.  Never smoked, or drank, and the drs have no clue how this could of happened.

He was to be placed in hospice tomorrow.  Well, this wonderful 23 year old man never made it to hospice.  He passed away this morning at 4:30 a.m.

My son, who is a minister, was with him.  I AM SO ANGRY AND SAD!!!!!

Its just not fair, but my son said, Mom, its ok, hes with Jesus and he suffers no more. Soooooooo, I am going to do my best and bury this awful anxiety and CONCENTRATE on this young man's family and friends, as they are the ones who need comforting. I just needed to vent.........thanks for reading.

Hope everyone has a great weekend, and LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST!!!!!!!

Posted 3/8/2008 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Tootie,

I'm so sorry to hear about this young man and the loss to your son, his family, friends and yourself.  It's so hard sometimes when things don't seem to make sense and are so unfair.  I do hope that your anxiety won't get out of control over this, I know how emotional times can create problems with p/a.  It's wonderful that you want to concentrate on this young man's family and friends, but don't forget to take care of you as well. 

Posted 3/8/2008 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
Tootie i am sooooo sorry honey! That is a hard pill to swallow when anyone that young dies especially something as unexplainable as that! I agree it doesn't seem fair but your son is right he is in good hands now and he is not suffering anymore! That's what i had to keep telling myself when my grandmother died.That thought helped me to get through the tough times. My heart goes out to you and your son and all his family and friends! But i agree with Junebug i know you are going to grieve but dont forget to take care of yourself in the process,you know how ugly this P/A can get! I hope everything will be ok for you and your son honey,if you need to talk feel free to come here!
Posted 3/9/2008 3:14 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks so much for your concern, hon.  Didnt sleep at all last night and and this morning had to take an extra half of a xanax.  Felt bad I had to take it, but I cant let my anxiety get to me now.  I have been shaking and havent been able to eat since yesterday.  Not much good to anyone like this and the guilt makes me feel worse.   One day at a time I guess.  Thanks again and hope you are well :-)

Posted 3/9/2008 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Tootie,

You are right, one day at a time, baby steps I guess. Just keep telling yourself that your son's friend is in good hands now and no longer suffering. You are also right about the effect on family and friends. I wish you the strength to deal with this, but was said before, take care of yourself first. Take time to relax and regroup. And please try to eat, you need nourishment for strength.

You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 3/9/2008 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Don't beat yourself up. You've had a shock and it's perfectly normal to be very upset and anxious. Your mind goes through all sorts of scenarios. What if this? and what if that? Could this happen to me? All of that is normal. Give yourself permission to take Xanax as needed and don't feel bad about it. You won't need Xanax forever. You won't be upset forever. This will pass and you will move on and be okay again. This things take time and we expect too much of ourselves.

Focusing on doing something positive for the family is a nice idea. Just do what you can and what is reasonable for you. Don't feel guilty if you can't do more. There have been several funeral servies I just could not attend because I knew it was dangerous to my mental health. I knew the person who had passed on would somehow understand. In one case I sent flowers and in another I sent several food items over, along with heartfelt letters. People are so overwhelmed, I think they hardly notice everything.

Just do the best you can and move on with your life. That's the greatest tribute you can give anyone. Many hugs.

Posted 3/9/2008 5:23 PM (GMT 0)

Karen and Martha..............thanks so much for your encouragement. The extra half of xanax seemed to help and I finally made a sandwich and ate that.  My son understands if I cant go to the viewing tonite. He is so great when it comes to my anxiety.  I wont beat myself up, it will only make things worse.  Your reinforment made me feel much better :-)    Thanks so much

Posted 3/9/2008 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tootie,

I am so happy that I could help you to feel better. Sometimes it is so hard to find the right words to say, but this all takes time and a chance to grieve. That is so important for closure.

I am happy that you were able to eat something, in these circumstances, sometimes food is the last thing on our minds, and stomaches.

Do what you feel comfortable with, if the viewing is too much, just take it easy and maybe do some self nurturing. And don't feel guilty about it. That will only make you feel worse.

I hope that you are having a better day today. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs,
Karen
Posted 3/9/2008 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tootie,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. As the others have said it is one day at a time that will get you through this. When my A/P was bad some years ago, I often found at the bad times it was one hour at a time, congratulating myself along the way at each milestone(hour) that I had coped and I was gonna be ok!

Hang in there, take care

Ann
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