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I feel worthless, pathetic, and dumb.

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Posted 6/8/2008 6:26 AM (GMT 0)
What a horrible subject title eh? Well I'm feeling like it... Day 14 without booze, Day 13 without Lamictal. I know I'm sounding like a broken record, and I've been trying to do new things as best as I can, for example yesterday and through today I was reading Lord of the Rings The Hobbit book for like 5 hours *not straight, 129 pages I read*, I believe I read it back in 1998... amazing how ten years can pass. Anyway, reading it... reading the author's words, how grand he wrote... what he wrote about, made me feel like crap since I can't do that and feel like I don't understand many things about usual life things... words I don't understand... *remember all please realize I'm a high functioning autistic adult* I think I was in an ignorant bliss when I was younger so I didn't realize all my inadaquecies, but now I understand and realize how bad I really am perhaps? I don't know, I once felt about life that I never wanted it to end because it was so great, and now I have no problem with it actually ending someday with the way I'm feeling... all I'm saying is it's amazing how I feel this way, I feel purely, and truly... cursed.
Posted 6/8/2008 6:34 AM (GMT 0)

Paulos,

You do not deserve to feel like this. I am so sorry that you do.  What you have achieved over the last few weeks is not worthless, pathetic or dumb.  It is strong, inspirational and insightful.  You have so much to give, and although it doesn't feel that way right now, I hope you can realise how valuable you are.  Life is not meant to last forever, maybe what you feel is maturity and undersatnding and empathy. Certainly not stupid.  You will work through this, and you have inspired me to go re-read the hobbit. I loved that book.  Thanks Paulos.

Posted 6/8/2008 8:55 AM (GMT 0)

Paulos....Two brilliant scientists sprung to mind when I read your post - Einstein and Sir Issac Newton - it was deemed that they both had forms of autism - brilliant minds - just like yours :-)  Give yourself some credit Paulos, your road is not an easy one - IMHO you are a long way from 'worthless, pathetic and dumb' I consider you to be an 'inspiration'!

Sista J.

Posted 6/8/2008 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
Paulos,

I am so sorry your feeling like this but I am also so proud of how far you have come and you are channeling yourself toward positive things, reading.  That is wonderful.


Make an effort to stay focused on what's happening now. What do you see, hear, and smell? How do you feel? Truly be 'present' in the moment! That will help you keep the anxiety down.

The miracle of your existence calls for celebration every day.  :-)
Hugs
Kitt

Posted 6/9/2008 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
Paulos,

You're definitely not worthless to us. We know what you've just accomplished, and it is a very hard task, my friend. I agree with the others that you're an inspiration.

percycat
Posted 6/9/2008 5:26 AM (GMT 0)
Well in the past I kept failing in my tasks... but I'm glad I inspired you to read that book nervy. Man I just wish I felt smarter/better... same thing everyday -_-
Posted 6/9/2008 7:47 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Paulos..you have said it all in your post..

"Well in the past I kept failing in my tasks..." that was then and this is now - self praise for even the smallest successes will lead to a better self esteem and you feeling better about yourself :-)

Sista J.

Posted 6/9/2008 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
I guess I just have trouble with self esteem/self confidence due to all my inabilities... sigh.
Posted 6/10/2008 8:09 AM (GMT 0)

Show me someone who has no inabilities lol eyes   We all have battles Paulos - we just gotta get on with stuff and do the best with what 'have' got :) Journaling three positive things that have happened during the day works for me..sometimes I have to dig down deep to find them believe me :-) but it is possible...

Sista J.

Posted 6/10/2008 12:21 PM (GMT 0)
Paulos

" Stinking Thinking "

part of the sobriety IMHO
and you are doing great with the sobriety IMHO

Give self some credit where credit is due..........

One day at a TIME

PAST you said ..........believe in yourself .........

LYN
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