Update on the Situation

    I haven't been able to write on here lately because I was afraid of what my husband might see.  Right now we are seperated and I am staying with my Daddy and Michelle (my stepmom).  I got a job at a grocery store and I love it.  My son is fine and dandy.  He doesn't seem to care at all that we are not at home.  He loves Papaws house!  Thank God.  So I still don't know what to do about all this mess.  I keep having these dreams that I go back to my husband and things go back to the way they were and I end up crying and screaming.  I don't know if that's maybe a message from God or if it's just my fears getting into my dreams. ?  But I am much stronger than I thought I was.  I can do life on my  own.  Without a man.  I just don't really want to.  I still love my husband and care for him very much but I don't want to live like we were living.  I want a real change.  I want an abuse free marriage that is full of love and compassion.  Is that reallly possible in this life?  I finaly let my son go see my husband and his parents.  I figured that if they tried anything funny (ie taking him from me) that all I'd have to do is call the police and I'd get him back.  (already been checked on)  So right now I'm just trying to find me.  Because I went straight from being 17 and living at home, to being 17 and getting married and living with my husband.  I've never been on my own.  I've never thought of myself as anything but a daughter, wife, and mother.  But I'm finding out that I am much more than that.  I am going to be doing alot of praying and soul searching during the next month or so.  I don't know when or if I'll go home but I do know that I am not ready to now.  So that's pretty much all that's going on here.  Any advice would be very helpful.  Refer to my other posts if you don't get the whole story.  It's too long for me to re-write here.

 Also, my MD put me on Buspar? Has anyone been on this?  And if so what effect did it have on you?  Helpful or no?  Thanks everyone for all the love and support that is here on HW.  Love to all!!!!

Hey girlfriend......................

I am proud of you and I know this is very difficult for you.  Lean on us  and we will support you.  Know that you are capable of being independent.

Judge with your mind, not your heart: "I am trying to contemplate my future, and I know that my husband is abusive and mean. So why do I wonder if I did the right thing in leaving him? You did the right thing at this time, you moved yourself and your son to a safe place.

Remember the bad times (but don't forget the good): If there are moments when you want to run back to him because you feel as though you can't survive on your own financially (or emotionally), you have to stay strong, Just think of the worst things he did or said to you.

Whatever you do you have my support but I pray for your safety as well as your sons safety.

Luvs

Kitt