Need opinions about guilt feelings

I am 49 and suffer from long term bipolar 2 illness. Currently I am well controlled on meds, but I had a very severe episode a year ago. Since then I am back to work (am off for the summer) and am hoping to go back full time in the fall. I have 3 teens and a nice husband. I feel a little fragile but am making steady progress.

My 82 year old mother-in-law fell and broke her hip two weeks ago. She lives in the same town as us. Her daughter and husband also live here. Prior to this fall, my MIL had been living on her own and driving just fine...very healthy. She's been in the hospital and a rehab center.

Now they want to kick her out of the rehab center. They say she doesn't need nursing care but does need round the clock care. She cannot toilet herself or do any bathing , etc. She needs assisted daily living. However, she cannot go to one of those supervised apartments where they let her live alone but feed her meals, etc. as she needs lifting around, etc.

My sister-in-law has implied that she should come stay with us as I am not currently working. If we have to put her in a care facility it will be about $3000 a month. My MIL does have some money of her own. I don't believe I can care for her properly at my home. I cannot lift her and emotionally I cannot be available 24/7 to care for her. She cannot yet get up on a walker or into her wheelchair without being lifted. It's just too much for me. I worry about my mental health also. Although I get along with and like my MIL she is very demanding and self centered. Honestly, I know she would never do this for me if the tables were turned.

My sister-in-law is not willing to take her as she "works". I am feeling guilty about this...however, I am worried about her falling again if I am responsible for her.

Do you think I am being too selfish? (My mother called me that a lot and I may be hearing her voice here.) Any advice is appreciated.

Marthamae- please don't feel guilty about this.  Your SIL obviously does not unterstand that you have your own health issues to deal with.  You have a nice husband and he will support you in this.  My mother has anxiety and other health issues and tried to care for my grandmother when she was ill.  It set my mother back quite a bit, even though she loved and wanted to care for Grandma.

Marthmae,

Hi this is Kitt and you are not selfish.  You should not even be caught in the center of this issue as you have your own health problems so throw the guilt out the window.

Assisted Living or Assisted Living Facilities (ALF) usually refers to a non-institutionalized facility that is used by people who are not able to live on their own, but do not yet need the level of continuous nursing care that a nursing home offers. I have seen some very nice ALFs and your MIL would be in a safe place where she would be with other seniors and have the opportunity to participate in all the activities.  Her meals and her needs would be met well and your SIL should be able to look around and find one that fits the needs of your MIL.

Remember we must take care of ourselves first.  Your health is your priority.

Bless you
Kitt