Hi everybody...

How's it going all... just thought I'd drop by... as usual I'm doing pretty horrid in the depression/anxiety/worry/ocd department... but trying not to whine about it. Hope Lyn's doing better too, hope you all are doing as good as you can be... man, I'm scared and I don't know why... depression is scary sometimes. Sometimes you just get to the point where you have said so much about your problems/etc that you eventually get so burnt out you just run out of things to say... all I can say is I'm off booze 42 days... and I'm aware to permanently stay off it, so that's really the only good thing...

Paulos,

I've missed you, I'm sorry to hear that things are still rough for you, but booting the booze is a powerful thing to do. If that is your one good thing then it's a really great thing. I am so proud of you, keep fighting this, keep posting. Stay strong. You are not alone.

Meg

Thanks percy, skitt and nerv... I feel kind of helpless in the real world I'll tell you that... I just ... I just want all these bad feelings to LEAVE ME ALONE... :(

Paulos... Hi , I'm Mary... I don't think I've had the pleasure of getting to know you yet. I usually post on the CD forum.. but suffer with PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression among other things....
I am so impressed that you have gone 42 days without booz! Soo hard to do. It shows how determined you are... and it shows that you are doing some healing with all your anxiety,depression and other issues. I think positive changes happen for me when I get mad! Depression is anger turned inwards, a feeling of helplessness and lack of control over what life is giving us... plus the chemical things that go on in our brain with these disorders... but when I get mad at the right thing instead of blaming myself... it moves me to action.
I'll tell you a story. My dad is an alcoholic. He drank every day when I was growing up and he was a violent drunk... but when I was 22 years old... he happened to go to a Grey Cup game in Montreal with a bunch of ohter people from our home town. He drank of course from morning till night. He was in his hotel room getting changed and supposed to re-join the group , when he started becoming very sick, vomiting etc. he was in the washroom... alone in the hotel room... and while he was throwing up something got stuck in his throat. He said he thought he was going to die, because no one was there to help him. He said he literally saw his life pass before him .. Miraculously he managed to dislodge the obstruction and breathe again. He sat on the edge of his bed and said he 'physically' felt a hand on his shoulder. To this day , he believes that was his guardian angel, or guide, or someone who came to him although he was still all by himself. He had a good talk with himself. At that moment , he swore he would never drink again. And he didn't. NEVER! I am 51 years old now, and he has not touched another drop. Even though our childood was sooo difficult because of his drinking, we are all sooo proud of him . Every year on that anniversary he used to celebrate by taking us all out for dinner... he is 79 now and doesn't do that anymore. But I will be forever grateful for whatever higher power helped him and so proud of his sheer will and determination .
Paulos , do you have a support group, a partner or sponsor? YOU WILL CONQUER THIS! And you will be so proud of your accomplishment as will we. Right now we are so impressed with your 42 days... that will turn into 365 days, one day at a time. Come to us often... you know what a wonderful family HW is. We are rooting for you ... keeping you in my prayers dear Paulos.... Mary

Mary,

What an amazing story of recovery and strength. Thank you for sharing your fathers story, his wisdom and miracle of sobriety. Stories like this remind me of what it's all about..and they make the little hairs on my arms stand up too!

Bless,

Meg

Paulos,

I'm just wondering how you're doing.

My depressio nused to make me feel exactly as you described in your last post: like life really wasn't going to get any better ever, and that those times when it didn't seem totally miserable were just decoys. But it can happen: life can turn around. You usually don't recognize it as it's happening because it's slow and subtle. But you can look back at some points and say, "Wow - I don't feel (whatever) any more. That's weird because I didn't think it would ever stop."

Take, for instance, your drinking. I don't know whether you ever thought about how it would feel physically and emotionally after you quit. If you're like me when it comes to major changes, you probably couldn't imagine any of that but just knew mentally that it would be good for you. Look back and see whether there are ways now that you feel stronger or healthier or maybe just relieved that you've survived giving it up so far. All of those are some of these little signs that slowly build into a new, better life; at least, that was my experience.

Hugs,
percycat