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unbearable feelings.. cant see a way out!

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Posted 8/4/2008 8:12 AM (GMT 0)
Well, i just have to say that i dont know what to do anymore, ive been struggling with my anxiety pretty badly in the last few months to the extreme, so much suffering.

But to top it off the most is the fact that im going through all this stuff with my sons father we arent together because he was abusive in every way.. i left him for a better life for me and my son and now he is making our life hell well has for ages now, but i always got through it its been so tuff but i made myself look at the bright side to absoulutly everything and i made myself believe that my son would be ok with this man but he is still the same and he just keeps proving it and i hate it bcoz i took so much time making myself believe it bcoz without that it is too depressing and too painfull to know that i have no control over the fact that he wants to be in my sons life, us anxiety people are sensitive and more caring types and im just really struggling with this because how can i make myself keep believeing when he keeps proving he is still abusive.

hes taking me to court and thats all that seems to happen these days in and out of court i dont have the time to do all this crap im a single mum with health issues that need to be sorted out first and now this gets in teh way and i cant even do whats best for me first coz i dont have the time.

The feeling of having to hand over ur child to someone so nasty so cold so abusive when ur child is the best thing in ur life, ur world and my child is sensitive too he is a caring loving soul it pains me that he has to be involved with this man. How am i suppose to deal with it i have no control over it. Im meant to put up with these unbearable feelings for the next 16 years i cant do it i wont. id die its too much too take. i dont know what to do anymore.

Me and my son are so happy together and this horrible man is making my life hell. i feel like im stuck and i need a way out but cant find one so i cant breathe i hate feeling like this and it never ends. i dont have time to get help or anything. i dont have any friends to talk to and im sick of talking to a computer. i fear i will feel like this untill my son is 18 i cant wait that long, this isnt the life i want, what if i cant cope anymore. its too long to feel this way. i want to go bak overseas but i dont want to get in trouble with the law by taking my son but im only doing it too protect him. what should i do.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/4/2008 10:49:42 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/5/2008 2:14 AM (GMT 0)

Emz84,

You really seem to be in a great deal of distress. I apologise I do not understand the legal situation you are going through with your son, but surely, if you fear he is being abused you could call social services? I'm not sure where you live, but where I live, they investigate that pretty seriously.

I think you need to go and talk to someone about this. I hate to see someone so upset. I am truly concerned for you. Can you see a doctor? Get a referral to see someone? Please let us know what you decide. Please be gentle with yourself. Anxiety is a tough battle, fight it and talk about it. Hang in there and stay with us

Hugs,

Meg

Posted 8/5/2008 4:58 AM (GMT 0)

Emz84

Hi this is Kitt and welcome to the forum.

From what I have read I get the impression this is about your son's father's visitation rights.  If he is abusing your son when he has him the courts, child protection and your lawyer should all be aware of this.

You need to advocate for your son.  If you have prove then use it. 

I am going to post some numbers here for your reference.........please call them...........I am guessing you are in UK...................if not let me know and I will post USA numbers. Gentle Hugs to you and to your son.

U.K. Helplines

The Samaritans 0845 790 9090

Child line 0800 1111

Women’s Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline 0345 023 468

Youth Info Services - Milton Keynes 0173 334 9932


Posted 8/5/2008 8:19 AM (GMT 0)
its about visitation rights. he is an abusive man, but ileft him b4 anything could be done to my son he was showing signs of it, i will use all of this and the dvo i have on him agaisnt him. i just know that if my son spent time with him he wud at least be exposed to it n i dont want that, half the worry is going through all this, going to court doing all thses papers, the fear of what is going to happen or the pressure i feel to do eveything i can to protect my son but its so exhausting. im in australia. yeh i will go to a pysch, ive been waiting months but was never the right time. i think i will feel alot better once i start talking to someone but ive kept it all in and try to fight every battle on my own. im jus mentally exhausted.
Posted 8/5/2008 12:11 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this
I too left an abusive ( mentally) man Caits bio dad yrs ago
I had to do it for me and mostly for her

Sad he has passed away but I dont have the worries you do

Plz keep us posted and I am sure Lil sis will post the numbers if she has them for you

LYN

Welcome
Posted 8/6/2008 4:37 AM (GMT 0)
 

The position im in at the moment, it would be a gift for my ex to pass away, i know it sounds bad but its gotten to the point where im wishing it. even sometimes thinking bout how i can get "rid" of him its awfull but it would be such a relief.I just cant take it anymore. i feel better today though coz i did my writing down stuff and now i can think clear again and find my new direction. Thats all i can do for now, and pray.

Posted 8/6/2008 4:47 AM (GMT 0)

Emz,

I live in Australia too honey, if you want to email me then the little envelope icon under my name will do the trick. I know in the eastern states you can call D.O.C.S. (dept of child services - they have a great website (just type in DOCS) and can redirect you to help in other states) if you are worried about abuse. It must be horrible to feel so helpless. Please let us know how you go.

Hugs,

Meg

Posted 8/6/2008 3:58 PM (GMT 0)

Hope your day is better and your anxiety is down, great advice from the members.

Meg is a great person to email with and she is very wise so please take her up on the offer.

My heart goes out to you.

Keep posting and know we care.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 8/7/2008 6:39 AM (GMT 0)

Emz,

We are here to listen and support. I hope you are okay, let us know k?

Meg

Posted 8/8/2008 8:45 AM (GMT 0)
hey guys well... im more stressed out now, ive already posted about it, but the lady next door has told me someone has died in one of the bedrooms in my apartment and apparenlty it was suicide and the kids who have lived there have seen her ghost, so now i have a new problem, moving out!! amognst everything else im going through, i thought having this place was the one thing that was going right, i dun undertsnad sometimes i really dont, its so unfair i dunno what to do, its one thing after the other, its one extreme thing after the other. I havent slept in 4 nyts, u kno i was beggining to be ok after i wrote down my stuff then on the next day she told me this stuff i literally had one day break. i seriously dunno anymore... i dont know why this is all happening. me and my son were so happy living here and poor thing has to now re adjust yet again. we had just begun to settle in and get into our rountine i just want to screammmmmmmmm. its liek the universe cant be satisfied unless i have problems.. because if i have to start feeling ok then whipp out a dose of anxiety and extreme problems i just dont get it.
Posted 8/8/2008 1:44 PM (GMT 0)

Emz

I answered your post re your neighbor................now try to practice staying in the moment. 

I know that going over and over something in my mind after it's happened doesn't do any good. It just makes it worse. I can actually inflate an event after the fact and then it causes me more anxiety than the actual event did.

Let go of the "stinkin thinkin" thoughts about haunting and ghosts and stay in the moment of today.  Make your day a good one.

Hugs
Kitt

Posted 8/8/2008 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Emz,'
Hey, have you tried to prove his abuse in court? You may be able to get supervised visitation. Since your son is only two he cant tell you what's going on when he visits his dad. This would scare me to death if it were my son. I will pray for you honey. I hope you find a solution to this. Love to you !!
Rachel
Posted 8/8/2008 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
thanks guys for your support, yeh i can prove alot of stuff at court, its on tuesday.. im hoping things will just work out otherwise ill try a few things up my sleeve first! its more easier for me to win then him, because we actually had a interium order, and he didnt even follow it! so i put on my statement, i dont know why Juan is seeking orders when he cant even follow them" hes such an idiot he ended up being abusive again on hes visit to see hes son but then i slapped him and told my dad to hit him which yeh big mistake n he'll probably use that agaisnt me now but oh well i know i shouldnt have done it but it was a one off and he was being totally disrespectfull.. i cant wait for tuesday to be over!! but who knows maybe it wont be maybe this will just keep going on!! Faith will get me through on this one.
Posted 8/9/2008 2:35 AM (GMT 0)

Emz,

IMHO you are going to have to behave your very best in the court room so you must pull yourself together and not try to outwit the judge.

Go to court for the right reasons and leave your anger at home.  Be polite and respectful to all parties.  You can do this as you really have no other choice.

Bless you and I hope you can just let go for the week end and your day in court will be here very quickly.

Kitt

Posted 8/9/2008 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
This sounds all too familiar. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You WILL bet through this and do what is best for your son... I promise you! You are the type of woman who puts her son's welfare ahead of her own anxiety and agenda... You WILL protect him, by hook or by crook. I know it all feels overwhelming right now... and you are exhausted, terrified etc. But you will find the strength... when it comes to our children . .. it comes to us when we think it impossible. We do what we have to do... I did... It was sooo hard... but my sweet mom gave me one piece of advice that I never forgot. Don't close your heart to people. Keep your heart and door open to your neighbors,; don't be afraid to ask for help... there are mostly good, kind people out there and you will come out of this stronger, wiser, and happier. You will! I know! Hang in there dear one. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. Reach out ! You will get the help you need...
Mary
Posted 8/10/2008 2:23 AM (GMT 0)
thanks marie claire that is really sweet. i really hope it does work out, i dont have a lawyer there wasnt anytime but i dont know somethings got to give sometimes i feel like im just unlucky or even cursed and i have to stop thinking like that because i know everyone goes through problems but yes i will open my heart and let people help me, if anyone even wants to but i dont have anyone to help me really so we'll see. somehow someway, is all i can say! i just wonder when my life will get easier more simple as that is all i want a simple life, but it seems the more i try to get it that way, the more things just put me further away from it. its like i get so close to it and then bang a new problem literally. But thank you, please pray for me as i need all the prayers and help i can get. god has a very strange way of showing me the "way" but i never doubted that he helps me ever. i just sometimes really dont get it. can i ask marie, what did you do? you said you did what you had to? how did you get through it all? i feel its just so hard with lack of support and being single. and the health problems really dont help.
Posted 8/10/2008 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
Emz,

I'm just getting to read this thread, and I wish you lots of strength for Tuesday.

I don't know if there are any support groups in your area, but you might find it helpful to join a group of other ex-spouses of abusers. I know my local college has one and it's free to participate. Being around other women who've faced and overcome what you're dealing with may help you to feel less isolated.

Prayers,
percycat
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