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trouble controoling anger

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Posted 8/8/2008 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
I have probably mentioned before but my ex is seeing an old friend of mine. I have alot of mixed emotions on the whole situation but have decided its for the best if we dont see eachother for awhile. Im not going to telll her Im not seeing nemore I will just do it. She barely makes an effort to see me these days neways. I feel v.sad to do this I stil love her deep down but it has to be done for my sake.

My feelings towards increasingly turn towards anger, it scares me little bcoz I kno I wud hurt him IF i lose my cool. The thing is its probably the rite thing todo, my new set of friends wud respect me more for doing it, my old friends wud expect me todo it and I think my ex wud feel flattered having 2men fight over her altho she would be v.disappointed in me. The old OCD thought is making think of every possible outcome of this one moment Im fine with it the next I want to lose my cool.

I kno it wud annoy him mor if i tried to get along with every1 n he lives with a v.close friend of mine who i have been unable to see bcoz of this.

It is the right thing todo to forget bout evry1 involved in this or am I jus making my anxiety worse.

I could swallow my pride n try and get along with every1 but sooner or later something will happen. I dnt if i mentioned bt me n my ex slept together recently which has help screw up my head alittle.

Other than feeling really angry today is the best day Ive had for ages, I hope every1 including me has a good wkend.

(skitt, lyn I did try hard not to break the rules)

 

Posted 8/8/2008 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Badfish,
I understand why your angry. THis friend has obviously hurt you along with your ex. My advice is to stay away from everyone in the situation. And this friend, really wasn't a friend if he knowingly dates your ex. He sounds more like a jerk than a friend. And you have every right to be mad and hurt. Just try and take it out in a way that wont harm you or others. Like maybe a kick boxing class or do something you like that's really active. The endorphine rush from the excersice should make you feel better.

And about the girl. I say forget her. I know thats really hard to do, but honestly, it sounds like she's dangling you on a string. Just playing with you when she feels like it. Dont give her the satisfaction of knowing she hurt you. Cut her out of your life in a discreet way. One day she'll wake up and realize what she missed but you'll be on your way to happiness. you wont need her anymore. Focus on you right now. Focus on what you want out of life. Be happy being alone. Then that special girl will walk right in your life. I know that sounds really corny but I believe that if you are supposed to be with someone, then somehow someway you wil be with that person. No matter what. So just try these things and keep posting. Everyone needs to vent. And you are safe here in this family. Let your feelings show here. We are here for you. I'm glad your having a good day. I hope it continues to be wonderful. I'll keep you in my prayers. Love to you!!
Rachel
Posted 8/8/2008 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
Its jus so hard to let go.... tears me up inside guess it jus needs to be done. Also I think my friends are gonna tink im a broken record coz I keep going on about it but i cant help when my brain keeps thinking bout stuff.
Posted 8/8/2008 3:16 PM (GMT 0)
I know how hard it is honey. But you can do this. WHat doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And that's what friends are for. To listen to us through all our good times and bad. You just do what you have to do to be happy about all this. Are you interested in anyone else? Maybe you should just go out with a couple of different girls and date again. Nothing serious, just some fun. Then you can show yourself that you can make it, and you will find someone else. The pain will fade. But when you go back to her it just re opens the healing wound. try and stay away from here. I know it's hard. Maybe you should make a list of all the bad things about her. Then make another list of things you want and dont want in another girl. Then you can concentrate on her bad and everyone elses good. That sounds kinda mean but I've done that and it helped me see how poisonous my past relationships were. We are alll here for you. Keep posting. Love to you!!
Rachel
Posted 8/8/2008 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning Badfish,

I am glad you were able to write down your feelings........now let's try to deal a bit with anger management.


Tray a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion and allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Start with some assertiveness practice.

A common skill used in most anger management programs is learning assertive communication techniques. Assertive communication is the appropriate use of expressing feelings and needs without offending or taking away the rights of others. It is typically started with the use of "I" statements followed by a need statement, such as "I feel hurt, when you don't call if you're running late, I need for you to call me if you are going to be late".

IMHO I feel it would serve you best to let go of these people as you are putting yourself in the direct line of fire to get hurt.

Make an effort to stay focused on what's happening now. What do you see, hear, and smell? How do you feel? Truly be 'present' in the moment! That will help you keep the anxiety down.

Stay well my friend.
Kitt

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