Buddha... I have a resource that may be helpful to you... I know it really helped me understand the "mechanics" of PTSD. The book is called " Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goldman ( I think). HE discusses how a normal brain reacts to stress.... and then compares it to a brain affected by PTSD.... Knowledge is power... if you can understand what is happening to your body and why... I think it makes it all that much easier to cope with .
He explains how the synapses ( electric conduits) in your brain are actually damaged... or burned during a very horrible or traumatic experience. Then whenever anything triggers.. reminds you of this event your brain is in a way high jacked... The fear... flight and fight responses are situated in the primal part of the brain. In most people... when something frightens them , the flight or fight response is delayed long enough for the reasoning part of the brain to rely on experiences and logic to tell you that you are ok... this isn't the same situation... you are safe etc.... so the moment passes because you were able to reason it out. With PTSD... because the conduits have been damaged... the reasoning part of the brain doesn;t have time to kick in... the primal part of the brain is too quick... bam... the reaction takes place... the memory is there and so is everything that went along with it... but because your primal part of your brain can't signal the reasoning part of the brain in time... its too late. But all is not lost... with therapy , new conduits are created over time... the brain has an amazing ability to re-route something when it needs to ...
I know this sounds complicated but the book explains it far better than I can. It helped me understand why my girls reacted so quickly to a trigger..... and why the brain will actually "black out " some things that you are not ready to face yet...
I hope this helps you a little. It is a long difficult battle but believe me it is worth it... My girls are so much better now. Even 3 years ago... I wouldn't have believed how well they would be doing and how far they've come.
You must, must , must continue with your therapist... and you must come to us often... no one can do this alone.... and we are all here to help you and support you all the way to good mental health. ..and a happier life.! God bless...
Mary