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Posted 9/5/2008 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
i thought when you got married that you did things together because your in love, i am starting to wonder why does he act this way, i have talked and talked till he says i annoy him about it, i am just trying to keep it alive, he seems to ignore me more and more he knows he holds the cards because i shake and who would hire me, and would he take my kids, i am so depressed , i feel so ugly and alone, what did i do to deserve this kind of life. i just don't know what to do anymore cry cry i am so sorry to talk about this , i know you all are going through so much too, alot worse , but i have no one else to talk too.
Posted 9/5/2008 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Machelle,

When we get married, we are there to support one another, but that doesn't mean that we give up our individualism as a person. We still have to do our own things. Though we should do some things together for enjoyment sake. So maybe your husband is just doing his own thing. Do you have things that you do for yourself? It is important to keep doing things for yourself.

What do you mean when you say that you talked and talked until he said that you annoy him? What is it that you actually talked about?

Why are you afraid of him taking your kids? Are you wanting to go to work? I guess I don't know enough about this situation. Maybe you could explain it to me.

Please don't think negatively about yourself. You are not ugly. And you are not alone. You have yourself and that is a very important thing. You may need to learn to love yourself. Maybe we can help you with that.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/6/2008 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, sorry about your heartache. but I need to ask, shake how? Why won't anyone hire you?
Posted 9/6/2008 1:35 AM (GMT 0)

Marriage needs to be worked on every day. Karen's so right when she said "...doesn't mean we give up our individualism..." Find some thing you enjoy to do, scrapbooking does it for me. It'll give you a sense of individualism, pride, and you'll be to busy to talk. Dh says I talk to much but wonders what's up when I don't go figure smhair . You need (((HUGS))) and a smile :) right now so I'm sending them your way.Hope the responses help, we are here for you, vent as you need to.

                       smiles & (((HUGS))), gennie

********************************************

Fibromyalgia, anxity, deppression, CFS, PTSD.

Posted 9/6/2008 1:55 AM (GMT 0)

Ahhhh Machelle,

Remember to picture that stop sign when the "stinkin thinkin" takes over.  Visualize a red stop sign in your  mind when you  encounter a fear provoking thought. When the negative thought comes, you  should think of a red stop sign that serves as a reminder to stop focusing on that thought and to think of something else. You can then try to think of something positive to replace the negative thought.

Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them.

For a fresh perspective, get a good night's sleep. Go to sleep with good thoughts of how things will be better. 

Revel in you independence and don't count on your husband or anyone else to make your happiness.  Learn to love yourself.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 9/6/2008 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
we do our own things i love working in the yard and crafts and he likes the computer, i just talking there is no time he seems to want to spend with me, as talking to him , its alot about the physical part there is none, maybe once a month, i have tried to get his attention but its at a time he's busy on the computer which is all the time, and the ignoring part too. i have been shaking since i was little, due i think to a bad head injury, to usually just the hands but now its all over not bad at all times, it feels like i'm vibrating, its scary, the docs are clueless want it is, and i can't afford a neurologist yet. when i'm in public its worse, and i wonder some times is it partly due to the feeling of rejection, i grew up with my parents whipping me all the time, bad sometimes, where people made remarks, and picked on me about it, as i got older it turned into punching till i moved out, i even have a indentation in my skull were my mom threw a can of tomato sauce at my head. i don't have alot love for myself because i feel no one cares for me, sorry to sound so down, i really sorry i'll try to find courage , and maybe things may change, maybe not, but something has too, i can't be like this the rest of my life, i do deserve a better life

Post Edited (machelle) : 9/5/2008 9:07:59 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/6/2008 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
You are right Machelle,

You do deserve a better life. You deserve a good life. But it is up to you to get that. We can help to direct you though.

I am so sorry that your parents were so cruel to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I am glad that you got away from that kind of treatment. I hope that your husband is good to you. I hope that he is kind to you. You deserve to be treated well.

Pick some goals to work towards. Goals for yourself. Let us know what they are and we will try to help you figure out how to obtain them.

Best wishes to you,

Hugs, ...Karen
Posted 9/8/2008 2:11 AM (GMT 0)

Machelle,

You've said it yourself, you deserve a much better life. Marriage is a partnership and if you feel that your husband isn't giving as much as you then you have the right to complain. I would! Have you considered family counselling? Sometimes just having a mediator between your issues can make communication easier. I wish you the best.

Meg

Posted 9/8/2008 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
Machelle... Honey... let me just say first off... I am sorry you had such a difficult childhood... I KNOW all about that having experienced a lot of abuse in my own childhood. It not only robbs you of your childhood but robbs you of your sense of self...and that you are a unique , wonderful soul sent here for a purpose. What about volunteering.? I know I have a disabilty that leaves me walking with crutches and losing my balance a great deal.... but volunteers are usually pretty good to each other... they are thankful to get any help and if you open up to people a little you may find that they are pretty understanding. .. also when I ride down town on my scooter(can't walk that far) ... I try to greet everyone I meet with a big old smile. SMILE! it tears down so many barriers between people... even your husband. Have you tried , just letting him be... let him do his thing.. and you do yours.. .side by side. You are still together , just enjoying each your own hobby. Maybe let him know how much you appreciate him... smile often, touch him genlty when you have the opportunity... a back scratch or pat on the back... He may feel helpless ... no knowing exactly what to do for you to help you...men have a habit of retreating when they feel cornered or feel helpless to do anything.
Have you seen a counselor for yourself.Like you ... there is a person in my life that is causing a lot of heartache. I've come to realize that I cannot control anybody else's actions but my own... so I have started working on making myself healthier, more interesting, ; started working on making a good life for me...
Nobody can make you happy but you.... By the way... are you french... your name suggests that you are.
You can email me personally if you wish.
WE are all here for you Machelle. Don't despair. Come to us often... we are here to help you through it.
It will get better. Just talking about it with us will help tremendously ... get it off your chest. ! We are here to listen.
Sending loving thoughts and prayers
Mary
Posted 9/8/2008 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
i really do let him do his own thing , but he just doesn't seem interested in speeding anytime as a couple, and if you don't love can fade, the feeling of rejection, feeling ugly because that must be it because he is not interested all kinds of things run through my head
Posted 9/8/2008 9:54 PM (GMT 0)

machelle

Do you see a therapist for PTSD?  A child that gets whipped certainly experiences trauma.  If the shaking started when you were young it could be you have such low esteem and fears that you feel you don't deserve to be happy.  It is one of our rights............to be happy.  Make it happen for you sweetie. 

CBT therapy is a wonderful way to work through your stress online and it is free.

Here is the link for the site:

MoodGYM http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

Concentrate on you right now and I know it is awful to live with someone who ignores you sad . Send you lots of hugs.

Peace
Kitt

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