Today was horrible at my doctor's...

what is the real world to you?

you're right nervy... thank you, it's so true I can be happy with what I do it's just sometimes I suffer and am scared, and as for the REAL WORLD the real world is where the horror is, where the bad people who want to hurt me and take advantage of me and scare me and I'm scared of it and I can't deal with it too much... thanks nervy you're right, I need to take SMALL steps... not what my doctor said, he was insane... he put it all to me so bluntly "Try to work" "Off your xanax" and his demeanor was not pleasant. as my mom said his bedside manner wasn't so nice. Man I always hate feeling so afraid when I wake up.

Paulos, anxiety sufferes are known to be more sensitive to their surroundings. It's a wiring of awareness. We are more aware than others.
Living with total awareness makes us scared of the world because there are so many stimuli that affects us

Now having said this, you have to change your perception of what the real world is. Your perception of the "real world" is more than likey not very real
The real world also includes, your safe places, your moments of relaxation, your happy days, a food you love to eat, family and friends whom you love etc.
When you're out there in the "real world" and there are a lot of people, cars honking horns, things moving past you, people who are scary or mean, well you have to think 99.9% of people are just as fearful as you.
Remember, others can't see panic in us, therefore neither can we see it in them.

Most people struggle to get up every day and face the world.
The world is a tough place when not in the right frame of mind.
Paulos, I tto feel fearful every since day when I wake up. I never used to, even in the worst of my anxiety, but I've got myself into some messy situations and my thiniking has not been very positive.
How I deal with the fear when I wake up is saying to myself "I'm going to feel the fear and still get up and function and not fight it"
The buddhist believe fear is a gift that we need to embrace. Fear is a signal something is wrong. Most of us run away and go kicking and screaming saying "make this feeling go away"
Which of course makes it worse.
Embrace your fear and just know it will not last. Nothing lasts, good or bad

Thank you all for your advice and fear is a bad problem with me and worried about what people will do to me and all, I hate being cursed with autism but... also thanks Lyn for that doctor comment, made me feel better like I wasn't being bashed on anymore :). it's just something else I'm worried about too that I gotta post up *man I complain too much*

Paulos,

I don't know if i keep bombarding you with this but my brother, ex-husband and boyfriend all live with autism. They have gone through varying difficulties with it but they are all doing pretty dang well. My brother heads up  his own multi-million dollar company, has a beautiful wife and two kiddies and he spent about six years alone in his own room when he was your age. My BF does very, very well for himself too. (not quite well enough for the cavier - but yuck!!) Don't give in to negative thoughts. You can overcome this.

Meg