I just want these anxious feelings to stop.

..My sweet friend

.......Take my hand and others as well

WE will get you thru this.......

YOU are making good choices even though you are going thru med changes

I believe in my heart you need to open up and be TOTALLY honest with one of your best friends about the drinking and your meds.......Ask them to keep it to self up until YOU have the energy and resolve to do it yourself

IMHO it is too early to tell all .......YOU have to be at that point and NO one can tell you when only you ...........

 

My experience was I would get well " one wont hurt ya" lil did they know I could never STOP at one

I was the best dang drinker around ........

 

This dang disease will take you for all you have and couple that with meds and booze and it is a bigger problem then just being an alcoholic.....you feel like a failure

A let down to your friends and to self right?

 

WELL dont you are doing this for self and you will still have the friends that are truly yours at the end of all this

IF you must tell a lil white lie with fingers crossed ( I dont condone this all the time BUT sometimes we have to do what we have to do )for personal safety and health related issues

BEN you are doing great and I know just ho hard this is

I really wish we could all hold your hand right now

WE ARE GOING TO BE HERE......KNOW THAT..........

 

Loves your friend and sober Canuck

 

LYN

Good Morning Ben,

I know your right in the middle of working hard at learning to deal with the anxiety but I agree that going to a party and being exposed to alcohol is not in your best interest.

The day will come when you will be able to go and have the strength to stay away from the alcohol and just drink soda,sparkling wate, coffee or whatever.

Do not give in to this today.

Be Aware

The key to switching out of an anxiety state is to accept it fully. Remaining in the present and accepting your anxiety cause it to disappear.

A: Accept the anxiety. Welcome it. Don’t fight it. Replace your rejection, anger, and hatred of it with acceptance. By resisting, you’re prolonging the unpleasantness of it. Instead, flow with it. Don’t make it responsible for how you think, feel, and act.

W: Watch your anxiety. Look at it without judgment – not good, not bad. Rate it on a 0-to-10 scale and watch it go up and down. Be detached. Remember, you’re not your anxiety. The more you can separate yourself from the experience, the more you can just watch it.

A: Act with the anxiety. Act as if you aren’t anxious. Function with it. Slow down if you have to, but keep going. Breathe slowly and normally. If you run from the situation your anxiety will go down, but your fear will go up. If you stay, both your anxiety and your fear will go down.

R: Repeat the steps. Continue to accept your anxiety, watch it, and act with it until it goes down to a comfortable level. And it will. Just keep repeating these three steps: accept, watch, and act with it.

E: Expect the best. What you fear the most rarely happens. Recognize that a certain amount of anxiety is normal. By expecting future anxiety you’re putting yourself in a good position to accept it when it comes again.

You know that I am here and that I support you so don't let it take over your life. Remember you have anxiety, it does not have you.

Gentle Hugs Carpet Man,

Kitt

Ben,

FYI I am in anxiety mode and trying to deal with it and it is all about my leaving my comfort zone.  I am invited out for dinner tonight but the trick is I have to drive into downtown Minneapolis.  I would rather do cartwheels at the mall. I  immediately feel frightened and want to cry but I know I have to face this as it seems to be my life.

I am not good at saying no and this is my sister with the cancer.

So I know you will make it through today and many days, weeks and months ahead.

Take my hand and we will fight the anxiety together.

Big squishy hugs.

Kitt

Kitt

I can relate to what you say re comfort zones and yes i will take your hand and we can beat this together, i to find it hard to say no i hope every thing goes smoothly for you today take care Kitt.

The best of luck to you Ben. . . I'm going through the same thing myself with my friends, and I'm only 3 months sober. It is hard to do, and I finally had to care less about what everyone else thought, told them the truth, and am working on taking care of myself first and foremost. Take care :)

Hi All

Thanks so much for your posts it really does help me to read them. This really is a tough time i do miss alcohol as i found it a good way to relax and as i said i find that my anxiety goes and i can enjoy myself when im out rather than suffer bad anxiety and paranoia when out in social situations, but on the other side i new it was making me worse and the next day was hell really paranoid and loads of anxiety. Since swapping to Effexor 3 weeks ago i have avoided going out were i know i will be tempted to have a drink i feel depressed about this because i feel i am missing out.

When i do drink there is no stopping me and i am known for getting very drunk i used to drink very quickly to keep on top of the anxiety and i often spent over £100 on booze. Until a couple off weeks ago i was drinking whilst on the medications which cant of done me any good, i told my doctor and he was shocked and advised me i must stop whilst on the medications and pointed out that alcohol is a depressant and it will be making my symptoms worse.

I have suffered with anxiety for most of my life but was only diagnosed with GAD & Depression about 1 and half yrs ago. At the time i was relieved and felt a big weight had been taken off my shoulders and was feeling positive that i could beat this illness and expected it to just go once i started on medication and had some therapy but here i am and still having problems. Through speaking to people at HW i have relised that it takes small steps to big improvement and i am trying to stay positive. I think its going to take a long time before i feel comfortable in social situations with out drinking but hope that some day i will be able to do this. I do know that over the years i have developed a lot of coping skills or should i say avoidance skills and it will take a while to unravel all these cycles of anxiety and depression.

Lyn thanks for your kind words you really have helped me i must repay the favor, get well soon.

Sam thanks for your post if i can be of any help just let me know i hope we can beat this together. I know how hard it is and my thoughts are with you.

Nikki thanks for your advice what you say is right and i hope i can learn some good coping skills so that i can have control and not the anxiety. What you say does make sense and your right about alcohol not being a coping skill. I have taken note off Lucinda Basset centre and will look that up. Thanks again Nikki i really do appreciate your help and advice.

I have just spoke to my brother and we are off to the pictures to try and take my mind of things

Thank You All

Ben

Ben,

I am proud of you for knowing and acting on what you need right now. It's so disappointing to have to miss out on things you enjoy, but, as you point out, you wouldn't really be enjoying the event, at least not right now. I don't mean that you should let your anxiety rule your life, but rather that you're smart to know that you and alcohol and parties are not a good mix. I agree that after you've had the chance for your medications to settle, you'll learn how to go to parties and have fun without overdoing it with alcohol.

And your true friends will certainly stick by you. They would never let a (healthy!) change in your habits or your needs interfere with caring about you.

We're here for you, too.

percycat

Ben,

I don't know anything about Effexor. When I've increased my Paxil - or decreased - for that matter, I've sometimes had the spaciness for a couple of days.

percycat

Hi

Kitt you really do make sense, i do overreact to low levels of stress which causes me to get depressed later when i think how i reacted to the situation. I know this is something i need to work on. I would not say that i was an alcoholic but when i drink i binge drink which is probably just as bad. At the moment i dont think i could go out and just have a few beers it would be lots of beers to deal with the anxiety.

I seem to be really hard on myself at the moment and i am getting frustrated with myself that i cant control these feelings of anxiety/depression. i just feel stuck in a rut at the moment things dont seem to be going my way not enjoying my work anymore which saddens me as i used to love my work but know i just want the day to be over so i can come home. I am also getting frustrated with the meds in that i have not found an AD which seems to help and wonder why? I also have a lot of anger building up and completly overreact to things and take this out on my brother who does not deserve that. I fear criticism and react badly to this which i think is down to a lack of confidence in myself and also feeling very sensative to things at the moment and my mood and anxiety are all over the place.

i really do want to be able to deal with social gatherings and talk to people freely without anxiety and without being to drunk. You are right Kitt i do need to make some changes and realize this is down to me, Thanks kitt for your support

Ben,

I'm just sending some positive thoughts and prayers your way. You are understanding so much about how you function, and how your anxiety grabs you. With that kind of knowledge working for you, you'll BEAT this thing. It will just take time, and being patient with yourself when the guilt-ridden "stinkin' thinkin'" comes knocking. Feeling beaten is natural when we battle anxiety every single day, but it does not mean you're losing the war.

Hugs,
percycat

Thanks Guys

Really suffering with the new med and side affects feeling a bit sick and not eating much. Thanks for your words of support guys going to find this festive season very hard going i think as all my friends drink so i think it will be a real test not to drink. I have a rep for being a drinker and when i was drinking i got quite wild due to the amount i would put away. As i have said before only my closest friends now about my GAD and Depression as i dont want many people to find out i suppose i am embarrassed buy it. Maybe i should be a bit more open and try to explain to people why i am not being as social at the moment. Its something i find hard to talk about to people i think i fear what they will think off me. I was asked to day buy someone why i did not goto party at the weekend and i just became anxious and had to walk away angd got bit teary i hate it when this happens. When i get anxious whilst speaking to someone i get worried that they can see me anxious and i end up walking of, this is one of the things i hate most about anxiety because it is such a powerful feeling i dont know how i will react to it. I suppose the coping skills are a way of dealing with this and i must practice them.

Lyn it would be good to hear some of those tips. Percycat thanks for your post.

Ben

Hi Ben

When I drank more regularly, I too would drink until I was drunk everytime.  Then I would do things that were embarassing. Sometimes I didn't even remember what I did and someone had to tell me.  These things ranged from smoking (which I didn't normally do) and leaving a lit cigarette in the backseat of my friends car and the seat burned up overnight; telling a girlfriend that her boyfriend was calling another one of our friends; spending nights in places where I should not have been, and after I was married coming on to other men even with my husband nearby.  On our first night in our newly built home 15 years ago, I drank so much wine that I threw up twice on our brand new carpet.  My point in saying all this is that each time I killed brain cells which caused me to be more depressed for the next 2-3 days and often didn't recall what I'd done, which caused me increased anxiety until I could figure out who I'm pixxed off or hurt while I was drunk then try to make amends.  I'd say, if at all possible, stay away from alcohol.  I know it's easier said than done, I should have stopped long before I did.  Having pretty much stopped drinking now, at least I know alcohol doesn't contribute to my depression, mania, or anxiety.

Edited to add:  I also drove dozens of times and didn't remember driving.  Bad news.  There were many opportunities for me to kill or be killed.  Some One was watching over me.  And afterward, always felt more depressed and very anxious.

GG