SPIRALING DOWN

Yesterday at work my boss called me into her office and her boss was in there as well and they hit me with "you are going to start working every other weekend or you get your 30 day notice".  Well, what choice do I have with that.  I either work weekends or have no job.  I've been crying since yesterday and am getting lower and lower as each hour passes.  There have been so many upheavals at work lately and now they throw this at me.  I feel like I am spiraling down and can't come back.  I figured out which weekends I am gonna work and it falls on valentine's day, easter, memorial day, fourth of july, etc. next year and it just IS NOT FAIR that I get stuck with all of them.  That also includes mother and fathers day weekends too.  That is starting January 17 and going every other weekend.  It is just NOT FAIR.  My boss snapped at me today and at least had the decency an hour or so later to come and apologize but it still hurt.  I am taking things so deeply within myself these days and can't seem to let it all go.  I want FAIRNESS.  I want compassion.  When I talked to my family yesterday evening they were a bit less than . . . . . can't come up with the right word.  Their response was "you don't do anything on the weekends anyway".  Yeh, thanks for pointing out I have no life and mine isn't as important as anyone elses.  It's not that I don't like change.  I'm dealing with the new systems at work very well and picking up the new computer stuff and scanning and everything quite well, at least I think I am.  It's just that everyone else seems to be getting what they want and not me and I'm the one getting dumped on.  I know this is a lot of my anxiety speaking and such but I just had nowhere else to turn and had to get it out of me.  I know others are going thru a lot worse than I and I am tuned into that but I'm also feeling a little selfish today and want things to go my way for a change.  I wish I could take on the "I don't care" or "I am a rock" attitude but can't seem to get there.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Diane,
Sounds like you got kinda a raw deal. Unfortunately, we all are having to deal with extra demands from employers b/c they figure they can just go out & hire another employee even cheaper.

Here's what I would suggest. First, talk to your boss to see if you can't rearrange your schedule so you're only working every other holiday weekend. I think that would involve some amount of "kissing up" -- saying things like you want your job, you want to do it well, you'd like to do your part, but that holidays are important to you and you'd like to see if the two of you can't work something out so you could alternate & work a few, but also have a few of them off. You'll need to be prepared that he might say no, but I would think it's at least worth asking.

You need to stick up for yourself. My workplace was kinda the same way. I finally got so fed up with it all that I took all the positive emails, reviews, etc. that I had ever gotten into my boss' office one day & said that I felt that I was making valuable contributions to the company & that it seemed only fair that I be able to get some Fridays off like the rest of the staff (we get flex Fridays in the summer). The scheduling request was sent out at 7am one morning & all the slots were taken by 8am -- I don't start my day until 9am so I was left out entirely. With a lot of patience & a few meetings with people, we were able to work out a more fair schedule for me. I don't get quite as many days at the others, but I still got a decent number of days off to just enjoy on the beach.

It's really not anyone's concern what you do on your days off. If you'd rather snuggle under the covers instead of going to a dinner party, that's your right. Unfortunately, families are not always so good at being supportive. Try to focus on all the good things you know about yourself -- you're hardworking, you're caring, you love your family, you have a passion for justice, etc. -- and let go of all the negative things that others say, think or seem to be implying about you. I'm sure you will have great things in your future. Hang in there!

peace,
frances

Diane,

Unexpected upheavals are awful! They just make you feel completely out of control, and not even like yourself sometimes.

Others have suggested some things that might help to deal with the feelings of being "pounced on" by changes. Be aware that some employers seem to assume that the single folks should take shifts that interfere with having a personal life, in favor of accommodating better schedules for married employees or those with children. I don't think it's out of meanness, just lack of understanding (as with your family too). The sad thing is, that's actually a form of discrimination, or at least it's considered so at my workplace.

Try not to let this affect how you feel about your abilities. You feel that you're doing your best; hang onto that thought even in this unsupportive situation.

I'll be sending out lots of positive thoughts, hoping you can get through this smoothly.

percycat

Thank you for all your responses.  Unfortunately, I really am kinda "stuck" as the economy being the way it is I have to keep my job whether I like the circumstances or not.  I'm just gonna have to buck up and grin and bear it.  I know I am not the only one that has to work the holidays and weekends.  I know I am not alone in that.  I will eventually get used to it I guess but I will never like it.  Thank you for listening and all the support and advice.  I will take it all with me each day.  I'm just very emotional these days and tired as all get out so little things are seeming very huge right now.