anxiety and listening

hello everyone, i'm new here at healing well. let me start by telling something about myself, in 04 i started work at a mental hospital for 2 yrs part time and really love what i do, so in 06 i got promoted the job was still the place for me, then in 09 i got another promotion to supervisor still loving my job, then came the call-in's, no call- no shows, staff reasignments, can't stay over, the 1:1's, los, q15's plus the regulars,this is 11/09 and the holidays are coming. i go and speak with my supervisor letting them know we need help there not enough staff to pull the holiday weekend off smoothly, but no one listen. but we made it.
then x-max week once again same thing happens, i go again to my supervisor i only have 5 staff and alot of special obs please help me i need staff. x-mas weekend i was suppose to be off ,but i was called to come thngs were horrible. 12/27 it happen nurse got hit in head had to get 17 sitches, patients fighting on all side,panic alarm sounding,a code had to be called, i had someone walk out of the medical hospital it was a whole day of disater for me, oh did i forget to mention that i've worked 8 days and doing doubles. meanwhile i'm now holding my breath i've got a nurse with her head split open bleeding everywhere and patients fighting when the code was called and help came as they were getting the units under control as i was walking off the unit, i exhale and there was something that happen to me on this day my heart was pounding, b/p was sky high, crying, sweating, i had lose complete control i just could'nt keep it together, who or what the world just happen to me? ,where was i ?, and i cried all weekend, not sleeping, not eating (and i love to eat), butterflies ,vomiting out one end and you know what out the other end. what in the world is really happen to me? scare to death i went to the doctor on 1/4/ and i was still crying and vomiting ,shaking ,my nerves were tore up ,then the doctor kept out of work for 2 week for stress but i got worst, back at doctor 2 wks recheck and i'm a mess doc says uncontrolible anxiety, the stress, the incident ,no support from supervisor, lack of staff present, there should have been more i could have done but what? i have asked myself over and over, i think about that day everyday it should have been more staff there. anyway i have'nt been back since out on medical leave. the doctor has put me on some meds alprazolam 0.5 mg, paxil 20 mg and premarin 0.625 mg. i have tried to go on campus but the fear has set in i think i can't even drive on campus. have i really lost it? i'm i on the path of becoming one of my patients? if someone out there really knows about this please help me try to fully understand.

You are not becoming one of your patients. Think positive and maybe see a therapist. Seeing a therapist has helped me out and I know you can handle this, you sound like a strong person and have accomplished a lot. Do you have a family memeber or a close friend to talk to? Find someone, anyone that will listen to talk to. You did what you could do and don't dwell on what you should have done. Hope you get to feeling better and I hope this helped just a little.