stress/anxiety

okay, so ive never done this before,

i'm still in school and im a perfectionist. i have to do the work the best i can or else i cant do it at all. last year i tried to not do well and it relieved the stress, but this year its my last year and my parents expect me to go to uni and.. i expect myself to do well. to do exceptionally well. and i know i can

the problem is, this is killing me. i feel so physically drained from all the things i feel like i should be doing

i feel constantly sick, everything i eat it makes me sick and i feel bloated and have digestive problems

last year i would go out drinking to forget, it would make me feel like it was over, maybe for the weekend and i got through the year

i hadn't had a panic attack in so long that i began to forget how bad they were, worse than any hangover, any drunken mistake

i used to be a happy child, but i think i had depression for a while, it was so sudden. came out of no where

and now, after councelling, which did nothing i have days, those odd days where i feel like everything is over, like nothing will get any better and it feels like the end of the world. today was one of those days

i have no one i can talk to my family judges me and all my friends blow it off and dont want to hear it.

i know life may get better but i dont want to wait this out any longer it has gone on too long

<Edit: Rule 1>

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 3/1/2010 8:26:18 AM (GMT-7)

thank you for writing back, :)
yeah im sure my parents have an idea how im feeling cos im always angry with them
i never want to talk to them though, i like to be alone and shut myself in my room alot
there is a school councellor but, whenever i go everyone asks so many questionns and is suspicious why i go there
plus i feel like i should be doing work at school
i used to go to a councellor once a week but it always made me feel worse after talking to her
i know alcohol isnt a solution, and i know its bad for me but, it did make me feel better
i could act the way i wanted around people and relax for a bit
this time feels different than the other times i've had this problem, worse
like i dont want to get positve feelings again or something
i just feel like ineed to sleep for a really long time im so dead that all i want to do is sleep

i am seeing a councellor, but
only like once every few weeks and it doesnt do anything
its not enough i need a friend or something i can rely on every day

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted

Post Edited By Moderator (Nanners) : 3/4/2010 7:05:51 AM (GMT-7)