How To Believe?

Dear JL,

I will try to share with your a bit about me and how I have always felt like I was not good enough and always kept trying to be better. I was raised by a stepmother who did not particularly like me a lot...............in face she made a point of humiliating me all of my childhood and I was raised as an only child as my siblings lived in another state with their own Father. We shared the same Mother who died when I was 18 months old.

My core beliefs were set by the things I was brought up to believe mostly by my stepmother and then their was my 10 years of Catholic Schooling. My stepmother told me I was fat, and worthless, I was my Dad's brat and I never worked up to my ability. Even after I got married I still tried my best to please her and she would criticize me constantly. Of course at school I was taught to give until it hurt, turn the other cheek and always raise you hand and volunteer first..........so there you go. I tried to live by those standards and failed miserably. I always believed that everyone was better, smarter, liked more than me and that I must be doing something wrong.

Finally I have come to like me although I cannot say that I never feel bad over what people say and that my perception isn't messed up at times as I over read what people say to me. I have a habit of reacting and then feeling bad later that I did not think things through but whenever someone walks out of my life I always blame myself.

Here are a few tips that may help you and if not please just ignore them :)

Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.

Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. You write beautiful poetry !

Be Positive, even if you don't feel the same way. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself.

Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively. You know we thing you are a kind and caring person who is always willing to help other people in need. Your posts show you wonderful caring spirit. You are a awesome lady. Believe !

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Janet, I have trouble with self-loathing, too... I know how it feels to be so utterly disgusted with yourself... It's one of the worse feelings in the world... Even if you do know, deep down, that you're a good person, that you're doing the best you can, that there's nothing wrong with you... You can't seem to get rid of those self-hating thoughts...

Kitt's advice is really good (it always is)... But it can be really hard to follow through on it... Stuff like that... That's been around since you were young.... It gets programmed into you... And since this programming has been running for years... it can be very difficult to deprogram yourself...

Take it in small steps... You're already doing a good thing by turning to support from other people... This means that a part of you does recognize that you are a good person, that you do deserve kindness and help from other people when you need it... And that's a good step to take... A step to help unwind all those years of being programmed to hate yourself...

Just don't give up... This isn't an impossible task... It's very hard, but it's not impossible. The brain has an amazing capacity for adapting and healing itself... You will get to a point where you will feel good about yourself... It's just going to take some time...