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REALLY Bad Day Today---I froze up

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Posted 9/16/2010 5:24 AM (GMT 0)

Yesterday I was at work, just thirty minutes into my shift, and I mentally froze up.  I mean, I had to get out of there or go crazy in front of everybody.  I'm getting to the point that I can't work once I even GET myself up to work, which in itself is a big step.  I filled out a leave slip and got out of there and went home.  I was in a state of shock until about 10:00 PM, when I finally started to ease up a bit.  My plan is to try to get in to my regular doctor to have a Light Duty form filled out today, so I can submit it.  As I see it, I don't know any other way that I will be able to work unless its under Light Duty.  My Pdoc won't fill it out---he says he "can't".  What a crock! The form is mainly to do with physical labor abilities, probably why the Pdoc won't fool with it.  So right now I'm getting ready for bed so I can get up early enough to get an appointment, then I've got to call the Pdoc and let them know what's going on.  Busy morning, so I've already taken my nighttime meds (Zyprexa, Zocor and Simvastatin) and waiting for them to kick in. 

Why did I freeze up at work? Usually I just burst into tears, go into hysterics and get out of there as fast as I can.  Right now I feel like I can work, but is it because of my meds?  Is it me, because I'm safe at home typing on my computer? 

I applied for Social Security Disability yesterday, all I lack for information is a certified copy of my Birth Certificate.  I have to apply for Social Security first, and also apply for Light Duty, before I can apply for OPM-FERS Disability that is attached to the Postal Service.

So the journey toward total disability has started, due to my unfortunate 'freezing up' attack.   Maybe my meds were off-track, I don't know.  But I'm going to work tomorrow and try again.  I've got to keep trying, or my husband and I will not have a place to live.

I love everybody here, and peace to you all,

Camylou 

Posted 9/16/2010 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
Camylou,

I am so sorry you had a rough time at work but please do not beat yourself up. 

I messed up bad when I was in the " Big Melt Down "  almost 5 years ago now  when I could not work as I kept falling apart at work  I panicked and took early retirement.  Dah,  looking back I could have taken my short term and then into my long term disability and I had 2 Doctors who would have signed the forms.  I was so afraid of people thinking I was "crazy" and I was so down that I just retired.  So be sure to check all your options. 

I thought the cure all was just getting away from the work.  confused I had no idea how isolated I would feel without my peers at work as they moved on and I was frozen in a time warp but I have moved on and yet I still miss them. 

I felt the same as you do ~ at home I was safe and no major demands were being made on me.  I think I just burned out and went down in flames.  smhair

Remember you are not alone as we are always here for you. 

Gentle hugs,

Kitt

Posted 9/16/2010 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
CamyLou hang on! Prayers going up!
Posted 9/17/2010 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
I've found out that I may be able to obtain Light Duty status via a United States Postal Service-representing psychiatrist, that he/she would evaluate me psychologically and allow me to work under Light Duty. I will find out by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week how it all goes.
Right now I'm just evaluating myself and how my medicine is working--right now not good enough for me to walk back into work, as I wish I could and surely need to on the financial end. My husband is frustrated and made the statement that I have a "perfectly good job" and that he would "work the job for me if he could". Once he has to go through all the things I do, he would not like it at all, especially when they take our mailhandler away from us and we have to unload the postal containers full of Priority boxes ourselves. Sure makes you tired and sore. I am going to do my best to go to work tomorrow, and especially Saturday as that is my first day on my new job. I know the Lord wants what's best for me and is taking care of me, but I am scared and he knows that too. Thanks so much for all of your prayers and continued support, and God bless you Kitt and WearyRASufferer. I will get through this, I know it's God's will for me to.
Camylou
Posted 9/17/2010 5:06 AM (GMT 0)
Getting ready for bed, took my nighttime meds (Simavastatin, Zocor, Zyprexa) and fixing to read a bit more of a book my mom gave me called "The Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. There is certainly a battle going on in my mind, and hopefully this book and the Lord's Word will help me win it. Love you guys and may your sleep be sweet and peaceful like a stream in the meadow in Heaven with colorful butterflies dancing in the light breeze.
Camylou
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