Its been a while since I have felt the need to communicate but here are some thoughts.
I have GAD. The fact that I can put a name to my frame of mind ( at many times -not
always) is in itself good. Because for a long time I would associate to this ; it
could be almost anything - made it doing things much more difficult then needed. As
I might said before there is no rhyme no reason, these feelings can be connected to
something I can do well or wouldnt think twice about another day or moment. Realizing
this and not searching for a past trauma is a comfort in itself. It is what it is because thats
the way I am. Not to minimize past negatives - im sure they have shaped who I am -but
the fact is this how Im wired ( I will never know anyway which embarassment did this or
that to me anyways).Not that it was so bad. The book by Claire Weeks is so right where she
says dont fight or be afraid of your feelings it just makes it worse. That booked helped me
more than the relatively brief time I spent seeing a psychologist which was to air out my
thoughts and feelings but the bottom line it became a repetative dialogue. I know its up to
the patient and I put in the effort but little insight was given although at one time when
I brought up perhaps needed meds she said the fact that my feelings dont make sense
might mean that theres an issue there - I came to that realization a little later. I tried
meds like laxapro, calexa but they made me feel disconnected and was not really effective
with the anxiety. Besides, it had a bad effect on my lobido. In effect I was not who I am.
I take xanax now but mostly to sleep - about 1mg and sometimes .25 or .5 during the
day. Another comment, its takes time to find a good psychiatrist: the first one was dozing
off when I met with him and the second was not in as scheduled when it came time to
refill the Rx he prescribed . That office has a history I was told of leaving patients in a
bind by not being open for scheduled appts - unprofessional. But moving foward you
cant always count on even so- called professionals. Another thought you cant live your
life afraid - even if your nervous you have to try and move forward ang give yourself the
benefit of the doubt. The most important word: Trust. I know there will doubts: old habits
die hard. Another factor is complacency cause fear leads to inacitivity which leads to being
stagnant and also bored. Thats about it for now.
Post Edited (ghosst8) : 9/18/2010 3:31:48 PM (GMT-6)