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Posted 9/21/2010 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,
I''m kind of starting to understand where my social anxiety is stemming from and I'm really glad this is anonymous. When I was five years old my neighbor lured me into his garage, threatened me with a knife and told me to take off my panties. When I started crying(because I wasn't wearing any) he let me leave. I wasn't too shaken up by that specifically because he was constantly bullying my brother and I didn't understand. But I started ********** before I even knew what ********** was. I did it in class and in front of my family and no one explained that this was uncomfortable and would later be humiliating. So, I had no idea what was going on or why I was an outcast, didn't do well in school and I think what it did was start a lifelong domino effect. I think my mother should have had me seeing a counselor but she's always been the straight up type of person who thinks that it's other people's fault they can't deal with their problems(even me). A lengthy explanation but I still feel angry, misunderstood, estranged, bitter and depressed. It's hard to let go.
Posted 9/21/2010 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
I am saddened to hear about these events of your past. It sounds like you should seek therapy if you haven't already done so. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one of the anxieties that can result of frightening/humiliating childhood experiences. The other manifestations of anxiety as you probably know are; Social Anxiety, Panic Syndrome, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. An individual can start out with one and cross over into the other various types at any time. Unfortunately, the events of our past do not fade with time, quite the opposite. You should know that none of these things were your fault, you were the victim. Now however, as an adult it is your job to seek the help that you need to be healthy. Please do this soon and know that we are all pulling for you.
Blessings,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 9/21/2010 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
Jane,

I am sorry you have been through so much but I would agree that therapy is your best bet.  I posted this link in your first thread but in case you missed it,  here it is again.

Here is a link to a web site that may be able to help you:

 http://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/Search_HCC_byAddr.aspx

Do look for a therapist that you can afford.  I am assuming you are an adult and can advocate for yourself.  You may not think the "abuse" by your neighbor is in play here but I feel you may have some PTSD from your childhood as well as the ideas posted by SC.  JMHO

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt 

Posted 9/22/2010 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
I would agree with what's already been said. Even if there wasn't any touching by your neighbor that doesn't mean that what happened can't have a traumatic effect on you; especially given your age at the time. Keep in mind that when that happened you were trying to understand things from the mind of a five-year old. Now that you're older you can start to look at things from a different perspective and understand the true impact of what happened and how your neighbor's actions may have led to your "public expressions". If nobody knew about the neighbor they may not have been able to put the pieces together and have just thought "she's five - she doesn't understand yet what's socially appropriate or not". And especially at school I could only imagine that it would be a difficult/ awkward thing for a teacher to bring up.

A lot of people who are sexually abused as children will "act out" sexually. Some may call the behavior inappropriate, but when it's put in context it certainly makes sense. It's often a cry for help because the child (now the child within you) is hurting but doesn't know how to make sense of what happened. And unfortunately you also have the trauma of having a knife pulled on you. The good news is that you're starting to put the pieces together and with counseling you can still move past this and live a healthy and wonderful life.
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