Alright well today I went to my old psychiatrist that I was seeing this spring. Back then he had started me up on cymbalta, ativan, and ambien to help with my sleep. I eventually had to stop seeing him because of the job that I got at that point in time because it conflicted with my hours at work. Anyways, after I quit that job I decided to go see different therapists and kind of left him by the wayside because I thought he wanted to just forcefeed me meds.
So I went there today, and pretty much poured my heart out there. That's what I seem to do to just about everyone lately lol. So I was sitting there talking about my frustrations about how I'm not working, how I have nothing to do all day, how I'm getting really socially withdrawn and having trouble making up my mind. A whole lot of things....at the end of the session he tells me I'll see you in 3 weeks. I was surprised as hell, I even asked him....you're not going to start me on any new medication or anything?
He told me that he is obivously a psychiatrist and believes in medicine when it is needed, and in his professional opinion I am not in need of any medication right now. He says that I'm doing a hell of a lot better then I was when I seen him back in the spring because I'm actively looking to make changes and better myself.
Which is all well and good, and I understand that. But I feel like I'm so lost and like I'm not even here sometimes. How can that not be severe anxiety and in need of medicine? I refuse to accept old jobs that I've had in the past because I don't want to go backwards and look stupid in front of the people I used to work with, admitting that I couldn't make it and be a success. How is that not social anxiety at a high level? Especially the fact that I just sit around most of the time and wonder and try and think of a way out of this mess.
All in all I take it as a positive in the fact that he doesn't think I need medicine. Which made me a little happy and uneasy at the same time. Happy in the fact that he had that confidence in me, but uneasy in the fact that I think I may still need some sort of help. Anyway, only way to go is foward eh? I just really need to find a hobby or something to catch my interest while I'm unemployed, these days are so tedious.