Posted 10/4/2010 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys, I haven't posted here for a while, I often read but usually am too busy to post. My kids are in bed and hubby is sleeping, so I thought I would pop in and ask a few questions.
So I have had anxiety for 8+ years. I'm 28, 2 kids, divorced and remarried. My new husband has moved us around a lot the last few years of work and I stay home to take care of the kids. My life has been such an emotional roller coaster, from my divorce, to religious issues, to moving and not being near any family, raising 2 kids, one of which is 7 and showing signs of anxiety as well, and well I'm almost 30 and wondering if I've done the right thing with my life.
I discovered that I had anxiety about 3 years ago. For years I had just thought I was kind going nuts and wasn't sure how to deal with it. Once I discovered what I had was anxiety, I started doing lots of research, buying books, and talking to everyone I could about it. I've been through some cognitive behavioral therapy, which helped a great deal, but I still feel like I'm on a constant emotional roller coaster. One month goes great, the next month I need xanax to get me through the day. I don't like taking pills, and try natural things, like meditation, relaxation tapes and such, but a lot of that is hard to do when you have 2 young kids and a home to take care of. I find myself reading and spending a lot of time on the internet playing games and facebook. I think a lot of that is trying to ignore how I'm feeling and hoping the anxiety will just go away. I am finding more often lately that these things just don't work.
I have bad heart palpitations that give me severe panic attacks. I'm so tired of going to the emergency room and seeing doctors that keep telling me I'm fine and prescribing more pills that I don't want to take. Over the years I have tried a huge range of anti anxiety meds, and all but the benzos, like xanax and ativan, made me very sick with flu like symptoms. I recently switch to a new family physician who really seemed to listen and care when I told her my history with all of this. I basically cried my entire first appointment with her, and I felt like an idiot, but by the time I left her office, I was smiling and feeling hopeful. I get a lot of anxiety about taking new meds, but my doctor had a great idea, one that I felt kind of silly for not thinking of before. She prescribed me Celexa, 10 mg, and is having me cut the pill in to quarters and taking basically 2.5 mg a day for a week, and then work my way up from there. So .5 the next week and keep on up till I can take the 10 mg, and prob work my way up to 20 mg at some point.
Well I'm on day 4 of the .25mg and I have to say that I am tolerating the pills sooooo well. On my second day I was a bit nauseous so I took a phenergen, which helped, unfortunately I got sleeping, but I was doing Halloween crafts with my kids and I didn't want to bail on them because I wasn't feeling well. Well, I'm feeling really good about how things are going so far with the Celexa and I'm actually excited about upping the dose so that I can finally get enough in my system so that it will start working and then hopefully this emotional roller coaster I have been on for years will come to an end.
I have trouble enjoying family events or outings because my anxiety always seems to kick in, then my heart starts fluttering, and then I get afraid, and my heart starts racing and the next thing I know, I'm out at dinner with my family and I'm outside the restaurant while everyone is inside eating and I'm pacing the sidewalk and chain smoking cigarettes because I feel like I'm about to bug out of my skin. I AM SO READY FOR THAT NONSENSE TO STOP!!!! I hope and pray that the Celexa will work once I'm on a strong enough dose. I know it will take a while to get there, and I"m willing to go slow because I don't want to get sick.
So the question part of this long story is: I know there are people out there on Celexa. Did it work for you at control day to day anxiety? Are you able to enjoy life again and care for your family? Did the medicine work for a while and then stop (as I know can happen with this class of meds)? Do you still experience any weird side effects from Celexa? Do any of you take this and decide you want to get pregnant? If so, did you have to stop taking it or were you able to switch to something else?
I am so hopeful that I won't get sick from this medicine, and I think I would feel better knowing that once it really kicks in that I have a good shot at getting back to a normal life. I have 2 boys and would love to have a girl some day, but I don't know if that's possible being on so many meds. I know it will be a while before I can have another baby, but it would be encouraging to hear from someone that was taking something like this and were able to find a solution to be able to stay well and get pregnant. I know I will have to talk to my doctor before I think about getting pregnant because so many of these meds can harm a fetus, but I'd like to know there's a light at the end of this tunnel :)
Thanks for any input and thanks a ton if you guys are actually able to read all of this, I know it's kind of long!!
Hopes and prayers for all of you out there working to get better and stay better!
xoxo
Wobe