All,
I see a cardiologist tomorrow for another opinion about my heart/lung tests. I am really terrified about the condition that was noted on the test 2 years ago and then not followed up on. Unfortunately, the new tests are still several weeks away. I am falling apart trying to deal with the health anxiety that's coming up about all of this. I'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers, including ones for speedy appointments and tests. Thinking of taking a leave of absence from work because I'm just such a basket case right now.
A lot of the health anxiety comes from feeling that I've been consistently misdiagnosed for too long, and that it could be too late to treat the problem. I understand being told that I'm fine when tests don't show up a problem, but this 2-year-old test specifically mentioned something that could be extremely serious. It's infuriating and very depressing to feel that I have to ARGUE with my docs about whether they should even look for anything...as if just because I've been told I have anxiety, that I can't possibly have anything else that's a "genuine" (to them) health problem going on too, and so I'm just wasting their office time. I always get so fearful and hopeless before an appointment about whether I can even get my doctors to believe that I don't feel PHYSICALLY healthy. Even my CBT therapist has hopped onto the bandwagon of believing it's impossible for me to have a physical illness that's dangerous; kind of hard to work with her right now.
On a side note, I wish they had therapists who help you deal with health anxiety that is rooted in genuine illness. None of the books or online articles I can find take that approach, but rather only talk about how to deal with health anxiety when you DON'T actually have anything wrong with you. That's the road my current therapist is on too.
Please, friends, send out prayers, good thoughts, and positive energy, for both my physical health and my anxiety about it. I could sure use them.
percycat