I Don't Think My Meds Are Working Anymore

I don't think my medications are working anymore, just like the title. I am having panic attacks every day and haven't been back to work since I left the ETMC Behavior Health Center as an inpatient. Either that, or my panic attacks are just getting worse. Every time I think of going back to my job, I get panicky. I am going to call my Pdoc's nurse today to see if they can do anything about changing my medications, also going to call an OPM-FERS disability attorney to get the ball rolling on that. I feel kind of scared right now; I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am, I'm not usually like this. Kitt, Fugs, Scaredy Cat, RA, please pray for me. I'm having a rough time.

Camylou

We are here with you Camylou, and yes I will keep you in prayer. Try not to think about work right now. Getting better is your priority. Great job for looking into changing your meds and disability. That in itself is a huge accomplishment when you are in the grip of a panic cycle. Remember that you have survived many Pa's before, and you will get through this. It is extemely unpleasant I know, I've been there, but it will not get the better of you. Keep fighting and know that you have many friends here for you.
Be well friend,
Scaredy Cat

I'm here for you too! I just popped on to check posts but I am on my way to bed and prayers. Will pray for your strength and for relief from your panic. Try not to worry about your work situation. They are aware you are struggling. I hope the disability comes through for you.
Hang in there Camy- you will be OK!

Camylou
Whoa, sweetie, deep breath. Do you have disability either long term or short term through your work ? Do you have sick time ?

I resigned my position as a knee jerk reaction as I was in such a bad place at the time I saw no other way out. Looking back I could kick myself as I had both short term and long term disability and never even thought of using either one and, no, HR did not bring it up ~ why would they ? I also could have asked to step down from my position and taken a different position in the Company but I was so worried about the "what ifs" I also never thought of that option until after the fact.

I actually thought all my problems would just disappear if I got ridof the stress of my job ~ that did not happen so go slowly. I like the idea of waiting until your FMLA runs out and see what happens.

I have you in my prayers.

Kindly,

Kitt

Kitt, I have both short-term and long term disability, but it will be like fighting a room full of Pitt Bull dogs with a flyswatter to obtain it, so I'm junking the whole idea of disability. I am going to let my FMLA coverage run out and let them terminate my employment (they don't do layoffs according to their rules). I know there will still be stress even when I'm not employed by the U.S. Postal Service anymore, because I will have to find healthcare coverage for my doctors and medications. But to top this all off, I had a conversation with my primary physician today and he said that I should try to go back to work this coming Monday, that I wouldn't be happy just sitting around not working or doing anything. I would imagine he would not be happy if I don't see him anymore, either, since I will not have medical insurance coverage and my mom has made up her mind that I am moving in with them (out of the docs area) within the next two weeks and my husband will have to move in with his grandmother.
Big changes. I just looked into our spare room and immediately got overwhelmed. I have to go through all that and organize it. I don't know how much my husband will be helping; he is visibly upset about the moving news and isn't talking much. He will have to decide what furniture is going to his grandmother's and of course all of his computer stuff in the computer room will have to be packed up.
RA, I don't know if this is the Lord's will for me, but my parents can't keep giving me money for bills and rent when I miss work and this panic disorder doesn't seem to be getting any better despite the meds. I am going to hit my knees and pray about this moving thing and I know he'll give me the answer. In the meantime I'm planning on going back to work this Monday and see what happens. Kitt, RA, I love both of you very much and I will keep you posted. Oh yeah, I had a bad reaction to a new medication that my Pdoc put me on called Gabapentin 300 mg and it sent me to the local ER late yesterday evening. I was having fits of fear and double-vision and depression wildly. Don't worry, the whole bottleful is in the septic tank now---not taking any more of it. They gave me Benadryl and Antivan to counteract the one dose of Gabapentin and I am doing OK now. I'm just jittery about dealing with moving---so much stuff. The Lord will help me out---he'll let me know what to do and be with me doing it. Update you guys later and again I love you mucho.
Camylou

Maria22, yes the side effects are either irritating, difficult, or downright dangerous, but to not be on anything at all, in my present state of mind, frightens me. I would be enveloped with depression, kicked about by anxiety, and body-slammed with the panic attacks. No, I don't think some of the medications are doing any good except for making me sleepy or tired if then absolutely not doing anything seemingly to help me, but I take them anyway in hopes that I will be able to function even just halfway.....normal? (that's a hateful word I think)---be able to accomplish simple tasks without hiding in my bed all day, not bathing for days and being afraid of what the next day is going to bring. My hope is to not take any of these drugs any more, God bless me, and you too. It might be my hormones are way out in left field, that's what I'm going to be tested for on the 20th of October. I had no idea that hormones could play such an integral part in my mental disposition in everyday life, especially since I had myself surgically made barren (tubal ligation) in my younger years and never dealt with all the things you feel as you go through a pregnancy. I just have painful periods at the age of 45 and perimenopause (they think). In all, God and His Son, Jesus Christ is the answer to everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. He didn't say we wouldn't have troubles, but that He would be there for us to help us get through them. Oh, God bless you Maria, God bless you mightily and hang on to His hand.
Camylou

I know you may not feel like it Camylou, but you are stronger than you know and you will be still stronger after having come through this storm. When my anxiety first started I complained and asked the usual questions like, "why me?" and "will I survive this?". But God showed me that it's part of His plan. Though I would never have asked for this, I can already see that I am a better person for having gone through this (and we're not done yet).

"In all things God works for the good of those who love Him". I can see that and I hope you can too. I don't like the idea of having to rely on others for financial support either, but I do. I would prefer to be independent. But through this experience I've learned that you don't have to be independent or dependent. We are meant to be social creatures and I'm discovering the idea of interdependence. My family is helping me financially right now and in doing so it has brought us closer together and also taught me that I have something to offer in return even if it's not cash. It might feel better to help than to be helped... but by accepting help we're allowing someone else the joy of helping us.

I guess what I'm saying is (as I'm sure you know) sometimes we need to step back from doing what seems to make logical sense and surrender to God's will, trusting that He will put the pieces together in a way that we cannot yet see. After all, "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see".

Fugs, you are so right on everything---accepting help when we would rather be independent, and in that way becoming even closer to family. Also, surrendering to God completely and allowing His will to be done, letting Him put all the pieces together even though we may not see it happening at the moment. It is called in the Bible going "from faith to faith". God bless you and keep you safe in His strong hands.
Precious Gem, how precious you are to the Lord, shining light into folk's lives like a gentle, loving glow. It looks that I am going to try to be eligible for Disability Retirement via the USPS, and also to move in with my parents. My mom has suggested that I attend a local college to obtain new job skills; I would like to become a medical coding and billing specialist and maybe be able to work home-based. We will see what the Lord Jesus has going on. I love Him so much! May the Lord bless you and keep you safe, and thanks for the encouragement, it means so very much to me, that and your prayers.
Fugs, Precious Gem, fellow followers of Christ, may we all be blessed and comforted with the same love that Jesus comforts us.
Camylou

RA, thank you for your message to me from the Lord that I am going to be OK. Do you remember me telling everyone that a waitress gave me a message on my bill ticket that "God is going to turn things around for you"? I believe that just like your prayer answer from the Lord. A lot of things have happened to me since that message: being admitted to an inpatient behavior center for 4 days on suicide watch, having a bad reaction to medication and having to go to the ER, and now I am going to have to move in with my parents. They don't have the money to move my stuff into a storage facility via a major mover like Allied, so I told her to look into local moving services via the Yellow Pages. Otherwise, she was going to try moving me with a UHaul van and find some men locally to help move it, which costs more. Please pray that the Lord will supply the funding to my parents for the move to take place---I don't have the money. Maybe the Lord is causing a change in me to be able to work again, but I have panic attacks every time I think about it, so in reality I can't work and work steadily. I love you and am praying for you too, that you will experience less and less pain every day and eventually be free of arthritis. Praise the Lord for that! Love, peace and joy to all,
and may the Lord Jesus bless you mightily.

Camylou can you retire? You's been there 20 years......

My parents are not happy about how much it would cost to move everything into storage, somewhere between $600 and $660, not including the cost of renting a storage facility room, so they are likely going to rent the biggest UHaul truck and hire some big strong men from a local college to do the move. The move should take place this next weekend, so I need to start getting everything packed up that I can this week. Lots of work, and everything that isn't furniture packed into boxes. I have faith in the Lord that He will provide everything needed, and that things will go smoothly, and that my parents will find a self-storage place that isn't astronomical pricewize (it will have to be a big storeroom).
Please be praying for my parents and the moving situation and for me that I will be able to get everything packed up on time. It's going to be stressful for me but I think it will be more stressful for my parents, who are having to pick up the tab--which makes me feel guilty. I can't work, so there's no money coming in any more.
Camylou

Fugs, yes it's a lot cheaper to rent a UHaul truck and some guys to do the move. There isn't any free space at my parent's house, so everything will have to go into storage except my clothes. They are setting the whole thing up so I have stopped doing searches online for prices on moving and storage.

Taking one step at a time is exactly what I have to do, yes, because I have to start packing everything that's going to the storage. I will be busy doing that this week. My husband has a lot of things that he will be taking with him, so I won't be packing that.
I am getting a little stressed out about the whole moving thing because my parents as of yet have not secured a storage unit and reserved a UHaul truck, and they've found only one guy to help move. But I trust the Lord that everything will come together on time.

Being of help to my parents, we'll have to see--they run a tight ship so I could maybe help with cleaning house, laundry, but other than that I'll just have to see.

Take care, Fugs, and may you have a great day.
Camylou