Well I was lying up all night the other night and found myself watching none other then, another informercial. They are always on late at night and maybe they just like to take advantage of us with insomnia that are trying to look for ways to better ourselves lol.
I bought the book from the informercial and started reading it, I'm only about 1/3 of the way through with the book by Napoleon Hill. For people who don't know who he was, he was a journalist that studied some of the most successful and richest men in the world, most importantly Andrew Carnegie. He wanted to find out what differentiates people who are successful from people who are struggling. And then he wrote this book about exactly what he believed to be the difference in the mental make-up of successful people.
Well as I'm reading this I am realizing that in this state of mind righ tnow that I'm in, I fall short of a lot of the so-called "key" elements that are necessary for success and happiness. But as I'm reading it it does stimulate times when I did actually feel self-confident, that I did feel like I had a sense of purpose, that I used to feel compelled and urged into action.
And the more I read the book it's no wonder to me why I slipped into the "rut" that I am still currently in. Working with my fathers business (which is a good business, it was just not what I had always wanted. I did it because I thought I couldn't do anything else), and beginning to shut myself off from friends and isolating myself day after day. Just lying around and sleeping a lot. This all lead to me having an inactive and dissinterested state of mind until finally I got into the endless worry zone. Somewhere along the way through college, when I was aspiring to be a successful business person, either a stockbroker or financial advisor, I let life seem to take over and dictate my reactions to failures. In reading this book, and other books as well about anxiety/adversity, I am beginning to realize I can ALWAYS control my reaction to failures. Feeling down and out is the easy way out, reacting in a positive manner and working constructively to correct your faults is where you get your happiness and liveliness from.
So yea, maybe this post is still a little gloom and doom by the fact that I'm still looking to improve myself and find a way out. And looking at every day as a challenge, but you know what? It is. It is a challenge, and it's a challenge that I'm trying to rise up and meet. Through reading this book now I understand that if I was to have read this prior to my serious anxiety problems, it might be a much easier fix. But I totally realize that in my current state of mind that it's going to be a climb that requires some great dedication and focus. So I'm writing this for other people as well who are struggling, but also as a reminder to myself so I can look back at this post.
I will no longer be worried about my inability to focus or my feeling out of it. My main focus and my current PURPOSE (something I always had when I was feeling well, and something I have always lacked in my anxiety/depression times) is to get healthy. Healthy as in, eating the right kinds of food, exercising daily, and an everyday commitment to excelling at my job. Regardless of what happens throughout the day inbetween these goals, they are small and avoidable road blocks to my current goal.