Mental illness that I can't ignore

I am so torn up and beat down right now!! My situation is so bad and so messed up right now!! I used to go to this mental health place in NC where I used to live. Now since the tragic all to early passing of my best friend and loved one, my father in law to be, my mentor, my at home therapist for all intensive purposes, I have struggled so much!! I moved here in SC to live with him months ago before we even knew he was sick! We would talk for hours and sometimes all night! Nobody ever understood me so much!! I loved him so much!! He just started blacking out suddenly one day. Then we were told he had 3 months or less to live. I was devistated TO SAY THE LEAST!!!!! He lived only 2 weeks longer with me spending the majoity of my time by his side. All he had was me and his son and our son. No wife. No family that cared besides us. I'd spend the night in the hospital then hospice just watching his favorite movies (I dont think I'll ever be able to watch "As good as it gets again!), and talking to him. I told him one day when the sun was shining in, that he has these incredible blue eyes that looked like the summer sky around 5pm. I swore that I would always think of him on days like that! I always will! I miss him so much!!!!!!! A chunk of me is gone!!!

Well since moving here and his passing I have been trying to switch mental health facilities (Its very much a need for me especially right now!). I went to the one here and they said they needed 2 things from me. A drug screen and my medical records from the other place. So drug screen came back clean as I knew it would. But the medical records from where I was going in NC have yet to come in and this has been in September when they were first asked about. I signed the release and they STILL havent sent my records!!!! I called today and they told me they had my paperwork but it will be another 2 weeks before they can send it! Then the place here in SC says I can see a therapist once the records come in but not a doctor for few months!!!! They are short 3 doctors so I'm supposed to be patient.

I called the place I was going in NC and asked if my doc from there could write me anothe perscription and call it in for me down here. She did and thats where my boyfriend is now, picking it up. Problem is, we have $80 to live off of right now bc my boyfriend has not been able to find work and he searches from 8am to 5pm everyday! Temp agency's and everywhere! Online searches too! He found someone that may can help him with a job when he was in AA lastnight. So maybe that will turn out good! Please pray for us on that!!!! But here is the kicker on my meds being picked up today, Medicade here said they cant pick me up until I have proof that where I was in NC has shut me off. So I'm working on that now. When it does come in, I will still have to wait months to see a doc about meds!!! Maybe I will temporarily try a regular md. I need one of those anyway. They usually dont like to give klonopin to patients tho.

Ok so I'm waiting for a response from medicade in NC to tell me how I can get proof from them to they shut me off. Then waiting for the medicade to come in here. Thats like a month of waiting. Then waiting months to be seen by the doctor at the mental health place! I'll be out of my meds!!!!! Paying full price for them now!!!! Very expencive and I can only get so many bc like I said, we only have $80 until Dec 20th!

No Christmas tree until then! No presents until then! Cutting it too close for me! We have a 3 year old that is so excited about the tree and everything!

I'm a total wreak!!!!!! I'm getting jerked around everywhere! All these medical places giving me wrong numbers all the time, not returning my calls either. Sometimes they say they are putting me on hold and either leave me there and I hang up after an hour, or they just hang up on me!!!

I have mental disorders that I cant just ignore!!!! I dont know what to do while I have to wait on all this!!!!

On top of all that, my panic attacks are daily now! I was trying to take only 1mg of klonopin a day to save them now I need 2 mgs a day (prescribed dose, I'm not self medicating). I feel so overwhelmed and out of control with my anxiety and panic!!!!!

My best friend has stopped talking to me bc she is too busy for me now and I know alot of that has to do with me not drinking anymore. I'm not "fun" anymore. Oh well because I am NOT going back to that life now!!!!

I'm sorry all! I just need some friends right now!!!! Sorry this was so long!!!!!!

You have surely got a lot on your plate right now. The medical offices are definitely giving you the run-around; you must have a lot of strength to be able to put up with them. I'm sure you don't feel strong right now, but I couldn't help being impressed by how you're still thinking about your little boy and what's best for him, and your late father-in-law, and your boyfriend.

Do you know of any social services or agencies that could help you all out with food, a tree, gifts, while you're trying to get on your feet in a new place? I wish I had some ideas for cutting through the red tape about your meds. And I will definitely pray that your boyfriend's lead about a job comes through. That's sad that your best friend has dropped you, but you seem to have the sense that she doesn't get what you're trying to do to improve your life. Staying clean and sober - for yourself and those you love - is so important.

percycat

Thank you Percy Cat!!! You are wonderful too!!! I am going to look into some services to help me find a tree and maybe some decorations! I have to make this a wonderful Christmas for my son!! He is so excited!!

I am going to try to be strong but no I sure dont feel it!! Thank you tho Percy Cat!! Means the world to me to have some good friends even if I barely know you!!

I'm going to continue going to AA and trying to get by. I will pray and continue talking to you fine people.

Thank you so much!!

Oh, I'm SO GLAD your therapist called in such a good supply. I hope that will be able to get you through long enough for the Medicaid to get straightened out, and for your new therapy set-up to get settled. At least there's a small bit of relief there.

Hoping and praying that your financial situation goes smoothly, that you can get some help to tide you over, and that the AA helps you to make it through a rough but healthy and important change.

percycat

Great news regarding your prescription RB! I am so glad that things are looking up a bit for you and your family. I hope that you will get the much needed money by the date promised, that should give you just enough time for the holiday festivities! In case it is late though (as these things can get tied up sometimes) Don't hold yourself to celebrating Christmas on December 25th! Fortunately, your son is young enough that you could delay the presents, celebrating, even the tree without him being the wiser (at least for a few more years!) Christmas is not a day on the calendar anyway-it's a celebration of love and giving that can happen any day of your choosing! I am hoping that all will work out for you guys-keep up the good work, you are awesome!
Take care,
Scaredy Cat

I had a ton of friends too until I stopped drinking. You dont need to drink in order to be "fun." My girlfriend wishes I still could drink so we could go out more often. The bottom line is..... Me. Take care of yourself and your child first. "You" is what matters. Friends come and go and always will. Sorry to hear about your loved one passing away. Even though times become rough and hard, they're always there. Your backbone. The little voice on your shoulder when its quiet saying, "I'm still here and you're doing great." When you feel you are at your worst, that is when great things happen.