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Posted 12/14/2010 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,
Its been awhile. I have yet to be able to go see a therapist because I have lost my state insurance until they can straighten some issues out regarding my eldest daughters father.
These past four months hae not been so good for me. I have had to quit school and pretty much have a hard time leaving the house...all due to anxiety/panic. I havent left the house since right before Thanksgiving to get things for the meal. Dont get me wrong, I have anxiety in the house, but it is NOTHING compared to what I feel outside of the house.I usually just send my boyfriend out to get groceries or whatever it is we need.
Well, my boyfriend thinks that anxiety/panic is something you can just snap out of. boy do I wish it were! He insists that I go along to the grocery store with him tonight.All day long I have been a mess, because I know I have to leave the house. I have to somehow force myself though. Theres no telling how I am going to be able to do so when I have to leave the house to make the holiday rounds.
Logically, I know that these things dont make sense. yet, my brain/body always rebels. I dont even know that I have a question today, I just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.
Posted 12/14/2010 9:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi C.B., vent away! It feels good to get things out! My husband has similar views as your boyfriend. He somewhat believes that I, at some level, enjoy/need anxiety. He just doesn't understand the disorder, as is probably the case with your b.f. Oh well, that's why we have each other here right?
I wish you the best of luck going out tonight. Though you don't have to go, I think if you choose to try it, you are a champion! I suggest taking it slow, giving yourself time to adjust being in the car, parking lot, walking to the entrance of the store, ect... Stopping to do your breathing/relaxation exercises when needed. Don't pay any mind to what other people see, or think-this is about YOU!
Give yourself permission to leave, and go back to the car if needed. This is about baby-steps. Take along a favorite calming c.d. and listen for a while, then try to go back in to the store if you can.
Who knows? This may not even be an issue-you may be pleasantly suprised to find that your anxiety is under control. Going in with an open mind, and a positive attitude will help. What happens, happens-the important thing is that you take the step if you can!
I will be sending good thoughts and prayers! Let us know how it turns out okay?
Good luck!
Scaredy Cat
Posted 12/15/2010 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Carly! Being out in public makes me panicky and anxious too. Do you have meds you could take to help you get out an about like a benzo? Are you on any other meds?

I know it can be SO hard to leave the house, but just take baby steps. I was petrified of going into grocery stores especially and when it got really bad, I couldn't even go in the parking lot of a grocery store.

Try baby steps with this. Maybe go in the parking lot for a couple visits, and then maybe go inside and try to buy one thing. Try distracting yourself by staring at items or pick up a magazine or coupon add.

Another thing I used to do in stores is pick up a basket and put a few heavy items in it. My arm would start to hurt but it would distract me from the panic and anxiety I was having. Now I don't need the basket anymore but it was a big help!

Since you can't get in to see a therapist right now, you could try cognitive behavioral therapy that you do at home. You print off the pages from this website and work on it from week to week. It's helpful. I think this is the website address. And it's FREE! Someone correct me if this is the wrong web addy.

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

You can get through this! Agorophobia is hard and it's even harder when your other half doesn't get it. Try explaining what it feels like to have one. I usually explain it like this. "Have you ever had the fight or flight feeling when you got frightened or almost got in a fight?" He will most likely say yes. And I typically say "Imagine that you have that fight or flight feeling / adrenaline rush, but all the time for no reason. It's my brain misfiring and telling me to fight or flight at all the wrong times and there are millions of people like me." I said this to my fiance and then he entirely understood what I was going through.

*HUGS*

Things will get better!

TG~
Posted 12/15/2010 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses.
im not on any meds. was prescribed paxil and buspar, but lo and behold, im afraid to take them.
so, I went to the grocery store. had the option of either going to a super wal-mart on the other side of town, or going to a local chain, about a mile away. of course, out of anxiety, I chose the closest one. We also had our 5 yr old daughter with and she was stating that if we went to wal-mart shed insist on getting a toy. I didnt have toy money, so the other store won out. and besides I wouldnt be able to handle her throwing a fit in the store.
Well, I did good in the store.I probably looked like I was on a shopping spree, as I had to go fast because If I stop too long to look at things, I tend to start over thinking, and that wouldve been an issue.Over all, it was an okay experience. do I feel like I could go out today? no, but I will take it what I was able to do.
I have tried moodgym, and it has helped. I do need to find time to do some more with it. as weird as it sounds, a main reason why I cant wait to go to therapy is just to be able to get all of it out by saying what bothers me aloud to someone who is listening.
A lot has happened in the past two years, and I think everything just came to a head. My dad went to prison, we bought a house, one of my two sisters went to rehab, my brother is currently in a mental-health halfway house, my teenager started having issues with cutting, and my 5 yr old is going through testing for a potential neurological disorder, and my 2 yr old...well shes just that a rambunctious 2 yr old lol, I think I internalize things too much. Thanks for listening, and again thanks for the support.
Posted 12/15/2010 10:22 PM (GMT 0)
Great job on going out last night!!! That is a huge success story! I am so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too. Now that you know it is possible, you can add a little more exposure and venture out more and more. (don't push too hard right away though!)
I think how you decribed your desire to go to therapy is spot-on! In my opinion, having someone listen is a huge part of it. Of course there is more to it-you will learn copying techniques, and have 'homework' to do, but the 'talking it out' is so valuable. I hope that you can get in soon, and start the process.
Again congratulations!  Find a meaningful way to celebrate this victory:)
Take care,
Scaredy Cat
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