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i can't overcome it

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 12/14/2010 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
I can't believe I've had anxiety for 10yrs now.  I'm 30....yikes.  I haven't had a full blown attack in years though but the anixety is wrecking havoc on my life right now.  I currently have no health insurance so I can't afford to see a therapist.  Lately I've been obsessed with my age.  I just turned 30 in november and I feel absolutley like i've wasted my life so far.  I'm afraid to get old and die.  I'm not married and I have no kids and I still live at home.  I feel like such a loser.  I've never felt so bad before.  I know it's prolly from the new birth control that I'm on and my period is due any day now but I can't get my head straight.  I keep worrying that there is nothing after death so all this is pointless.....omg it sounds even silly to type.  I've been crying it out the past couple days but I really just need words of encouragement.   I love this forum because I can relate to so many people here and I know that people here can truly understand what I'm going through.  I just can't believe I haven't conquered anxiety after 10yrs.  What am i doing wrong?  I feel crazy and find it hard to tell anyone how i feel cause they will think I really am crazy.  I am on meds.....btw.  50mg of zoloft and klonopin as needed.  Thank you so much for reading my ranting.
Posted 12/14/2010 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi angelwings, love the name by the way! I am sorry that you are feeling yucky right now. I think it's good that you recognize that a lot of it is probably hormonal! They can and do wreck havoc on moods and anxiety. Hopefully they will level out for you soon.
As far as felling bad about your current life situation, I think that it is normal to evaluate things after hitting a significant milestone birthday. (I've got 10 yrs. on you btw-so it's not too bad eh?) Instead of fucusing on what you haven't accomplished, make yourself a list of the things you have. It is easy to say "I haven't done this, or I don't have that", but you have made progress! You no longer have panic attacks, and that is huge! Living at your parents house is no big deal. A lot of people are doing this more and more. It is a TOUGH economy out there. Hopefully you are saving up, and making goals for yourself-if not why not start now? As far as wanting to get therapy, there are a couple of free on-line sites. Moodgym and the E-couch. (you can google them, or post back and I, or somebody can give you a link) There are also a lot of great CBT workbooks that you can puchase and do on your own (Amazon/Barnes & Noble/Borders)
This is literally the prime of your life. I urge you to do the things that you can to enjoy it! Make that list, set those goals, and go out and grab life for all it's worth!
Hugs and high-fives!
Scaredy Cat
Posted 12/15/2010 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome to HealingWell,

I understand exactly how you feel but I did not panic until I turned 60 and then I had a nasty meltdown.  I thought 30, 40, and 50 were great but all of a sudden at 60 I was looking at retirement and I had lost so many family members that I felt very vulnerable.

I have tried to adopt the philosphy that as we grow older, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including retirement, the loss of loved ones, and the physical changes of aging. How we  handle these changes, as well as regular day-to-day stresses, is the key to aging well. Healthy aging means continually reinventing ourself, finding new things we enjoy, learning to adapt to change, staying physically and socially active, and feeling connected to our community and loved ones.

My best advice - take it one year at a time and eat birthday cake every year.  :-)

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 12/15/2010 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
Angelwings,
You are definitely not alone. I have a 30-year-old and a 22-year-old who have returned home due to the lousy economy and job market. The 30-year-old felt the same way you do when he first came home. It took a while for us to figure out how to handle this so that everyone felt respected, unconditionally loved and free to be adults even though they are with their parents. I don't know how your mum feels but I am delighted to be able to spend more time with my children. I am very proud of their good hearts and open minds.
My sons' advice is to make a plan to reach one of your long-term goals. Congratulate yourself on every step you take forward no matter how small the step. One of them said that now is a great time to work out any lingering childhood issues with your mother.
As the mum, I can tell you it was uncomfortable but worth it.
I also agree with scaredycat. Making a list of what makes you feel grateful and proud of can stop the slide down toward depression.
Lots of hugs.
Szm
Posted 12/15/2010 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
Angel wings: I see you are on the board alot.

 What was going on in your life 10 years ago? What triggered this Anixiety?

when you can find the cause, then you can get to a cure. then forgive. Once you have forgiveness, Then you have closesure, and the healing will begin.

 This will let the anxiety go, as fast as it came.

Hope to hear from you.  Rscott   CHT 

Posted 12/15/2010 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi angelwings, welcome to HW! I've been dealing with anxiety on and off since I was 8 years old but it's been about 4 and a half years now with full blown panic disorder and anxiety. The anxiety is so frustrating. I'm 24 going on 25. You haven't wasted your life at all! Anxiety is not who you are. It's just what you have. Anxiety might deter us from some things that we want or have to do, but we will get around to them eventually. You are just fine and normal.

You will find the right person! Just keep an open mind and remember that anxiety isn't a reason to hold back from opening up to a person. I've been with my fiance for about 4 years now and he's understanding. (Sometimes he will say extremely stupid comments about my anxiety but he is a little dingy that way and I just blow up on him and then he gets why he shouldn't have said the comment at all)

Right now you have the freedom to date whoever you want and whenever! You are worth it and remember that!

I was convinced I was going crazy for weeks and now that obsession has finally subsided. You are not going crazy. Just hitting a bump in the road.

Also, a couple of my sisters lived at my parents until their thirties and finally moved out, so you're not alone there! In these times it's almost easier to stay at home with the parents, especailly with rent cost. There is nothing wrong with living at home!!

Maybe when you feel ready you could get a place of your own but ONLY when you're ready. And get a puppy or cat to keep you company LOL. That's just my opinion. Those animals are trouble makers but they keep me occupied. I'm considering getting a third puppy. I have 2 dogs right now.

Just remember that we are all here for you angelwings and you are not alone! *HUGS*

The anxiety will get better. Have you tried seeing a therapist for this at all? Therapy can be quite helpful.
Posted 12/15/2010 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and encouragement.  Sometimes I feel hopeless, like I am a prisoner to this disorder.  I'm thankful that I've come this far and I know I'm alot stronger than I was 10 years ago.  My anxiety has gotten better since I last posted.  Some of my negative thoughts are still there and lingering but I'm doing my best to try and work through them.  I make myself so upset thinking about death and what comes after it....I'm 30 not 130....I know I need to just chill out.  I know that I'm probably just over stressed right now and my hormones are a mess.  This site has helped me so much and the members have helped carry me through the rough patches.  My anxiety started out as being afraid of dying and it's changed slightly but I still have that underlying fear.  I also fear going crazy but in the end, it's the fear of dying that overwhelms me.  I need to start living one day at a time.  I know that once I get ahead of myself, it's like I open the door to my anxiety.  I've been crying every night for the past 4 nights but that usually helps me for some reason.  I'm gonna continue on fighting and hoping to get through the weekend without too much anxiety.  Thanks again to everyone.

Posted 12/15/2010 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
I often think of this quote when the I am overcome by anxiety:

" The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself"  : FDR's First Inaugural Address

 

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