Feeling extremely defeated, anxious, and depressed

I haven't really suffered from GAD since I was about 15 years old, I've only been suffering from panic attacks, but the GAD is back.  It is awful.  I can't handle it.  I can't handle life let alone leaving my house.

I am SO anxious all day long.  Today felt like it was starting off as a really good day.  I wasn't feeling too bad and then I went to the in-laws for a small get together for Xmas eve and I lost it.  I was so anxious and running to the bathroom every five minutes hoping I could have diarrhea to end the anxiety but that relief never came.

I lasted two hours and thought I was going to go insane from the anxiety, and the moment I begged to leave I felt instant relief when I started packing up things. 

When the anxiety gets so severe, it feels like something in my brain is going to snap and I'm just going to lose touch with reality or FREAK OUT! I don't remember the reality of what GAD was like so it's hard to realize that that's not much of a possibility. If I could only drink alcohol eh? LOL I don't drink.  At all.  I don't think it's going to help the situation.

I feel like such a failure.  Somehow I have to suffer through tomorrow's get together at my mother and father's house, and I feel like I could just cry.  I can't get a grip or control of this anxiety.

It seems like if I take a klonopin it gives me like a half hour of relief and then the anxiety is back in full swing.  It's this awful sensation of my limbs tingling, and just this nervousness to get out of there, not like a panic attack.  But it goes on and on and on for HOURS. 

Is there any relief? I don't know what to do.  I'm just venting.  I feel helpless, hopeless, and wish I had never stopped taking my Lexapro a year ago.  I restarted it but I feel like I've gone so far down a path of anxiety and panic that I can't turn around and get better.

I'm afraid for what the next few months will be like.  I fear losing my business to going insane.  I can't function.  I pray to God 50 times a day to please help me, please make me better, please stop making me suffer.

Nothing helps.

Just a bunch of doors that I'm knocking on looking for answers and no one will open one to a path of relief.

I feel like a failure to my daughter mostly.  My 2 year old could have spent a while longer at her grandma's, but I just can't handle it.  I just can't handle the anxiety.  It is taking over my LIFE.

TG~

Hi TG,

I am sorry your Anxiety is so out of control. 

I have overcome my panic attacks and anxious feelings in this way, remembering that anxiety is a primitive reaction:

1. *Eliminate caffeine* completely from your diet. This is a key and you need to be strict. This makes a huge difference for many members.

2. A  good ="window.status='Good Diet for Depression Sufferers - Useful Foods and Nutrition'; return true" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true" href="http://www.all-on-depression-help.com/diet-for-depression.html">diet forms another key pillar of trying to overcome depression naturally. Certain foods and nutrients, most notably ="window.status='Omega 3 Depression Treatment and Relief'; return true" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true" href="http://www.all-on-depression-help.com/omega-3-depression.html">omega  fatty acids, have been scientifically proven to improve mental health as well as to prevent and alleviate depressed moods. ="window.status='Fish Oil for Depression Treatment and Relief'; return true" onmouseout="window.status=''; return true" href="http://www.all-on-depression-help.com/fish-oil-for-depression.html">Fish oil is one example of a good source of these essential fatty acids.

3. Try to keep hydrated.

4. Make your environment  safe and pleasant. Make your bedroom a pleasant, comfortable place to go to sleep at night.  Eliminate any reason whatsoever for you to worry about your 'nest'.

5. Write a list of every single worry that you have from big things, to niggling little things- bills, relationships, issues, jobs, letters, fears, phobias, habits, and  projects. Put them into categories of jobs you can delegate to others, very quick easy things, harder things, etc. Tackle getting those small but easy to deal with niggly jobs out of the way as quickly as you can - either today or tomorrow. Then go through your list one by one and cross them off your list. For deeper issues or problems, read a thought provoking book and try to understand your self.

5. See a therapist. Even if you wake up tomorrow and think you're fine, still go. You have been having a really hard time so be kind to yourself and see a therapis.

6. Deal with panic attacks.  Embrace it, have some distraction techniques etc. This is  also a main key to dealing with anxiety. What you RESIST will PERSIST so you need to welcome your anxiety. Tell yourself "Here we go again. Thats made me feel panicky. I felt like this before and I truly thought I was gonna die, but I didn't. I'm going to be fine. If you are alone, have someone you can call to be there on the phone to talk to you at any time you need them.

At first you will really have to work through the panic attack and high anxiety , however, with practice you will get better at it.
My triggers for panic attacks were a Now I am fine! I am free from severe anxiety!

Remember at the end of this day all your fears and "what ifs?" of the day will be over and picture tommorow as a pleasant and peaceful day.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Don't ever run away again, that just develops into agoraphobia. Force yourself to tough it out, think of your anxiety as...well...a middle school bully and your his "prey" he is always going to get his rush and kick out of you for as long as you let him by not standing up for yourself. Anxiety is all in the mind and there is no reason it should affect you the way it does. Make sense?

I know what I'm talking about despite being farrr from a professional of any sort. I been there and got through it no problem. There is hope, but it is only achieved by your doing. Also your negative "what if" thinking should be replaced by positive what if like "what if I have a panic attack and embarrass myself in front of my whole family" to "what if i go to the family party and have the best time of my life, so good in fact I forget I even have anxiety". ALSO learn to laugh at yourself, anxiety actually is kind of a funny disorder by the way it can make you think your dying when you just have gas or you think everyone is looking at you when they don't even notice you or something.

Lastly, you said you feel like a failure? Your not. come on, insecurities only fuel anxiety and can probably lead to depression as well.