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Posted 1/21/2011 4:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi im new here so im not sure how to start but here it goes My brother got sent to prison 7 months ago it took about 4 months to stop hurting over that but also my familys house got broken into a year ago my mom and my sister who was pregnant at th time were held at gun point i wasnt there . Fortunately no one was hurt but ever since i worry about everything i stay up at night worrying about them all of them i dont know what to do
Posted 1/21/2011 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi V!  and welcome to HW.  off the bat just know that we are a very supportive friendly group who are alway here for you to talk to.

i'm sorry you're having a rough time right now.  It sounds like your anxiety/worry is fully based in reality.  Many times, as in me i worried about future things that had no basis and were unlikely to become true but since there was a chance i couldn't get it out of my head.  Have you been able to talk with anyone about how your feeling?  Anyone really, doesn't have to be a therpist or anything like that.  Sometimes it helps just to get it out.  Maybe have a discussion with your mom and sister about what happened and how its making your feel.  These arn't the easiest things in the world to do but they will help.  Also if you have a school councelar (again not sure how old you are) or a therapist have a chat with them, i'm sure they will be able to help.  A little background on yourself would help too, age, any background with anxiety etc.....

Posted 1/21/2011 5:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Violetblue and welcome. First of all let me say that it was a really brave and smart step to reach out for help! You have been through quite an emotional crisis recently. It is certainly understandable how these events could cause you anxiety.

Since it is interfering with your quality of life, disrupting your sleep and causing constant worries, it may be a good idea to talk to a counselor/therapist about it.

Many people (myself included) can and have benefitted from getting help regarding their anxiety. Professionals are trained to help you deal with the worries, fear, and emotions that go along with traumatic events such as you've experienced.

I would suggest talking to one of the following: Your parents, pastor/youth leader, school counselor, trusted teacher-if you are still a youth...

If not (I'm sorry I can't tell by your post how old you are) start with your doctor and ask for a referral to a therapist.

We are here to support and care as well. This is a great place for information and sharing. Post anytime, and I hope that things get better for you soon.

Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 1/21/2011 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Oops sorry Geo, didn't mean to completely 'parrot' your post-we must've been responding @ the same time...I just take 4-ever...oh well it's all good advice:)
S.C.
Posted 1/21/2011 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
well heres a liitle background on me im 23 married have a 7 yr old daughter i help my parents run their family business . My family knows how i feel about everything but i think i need outside help .We always talk about anything were feeling and it does help but i dont always tell em everything because like it hurts me to hav my brother in jail (hes only 25 and has 2 kids )so i can imagine its a thousand times harder on my mom so how can i talk to her about it i have to b the one to hold things together My family members are the following dad,mom,big brother kids 7 & 5 ,sister 22 and her 1 yr old boy my sisters husband is also in prison so i cant talk to her about it either. And the fear that at any moment someone can break into any of our homes is relentless with my brother gone im left as the oldest kid and its a scary feeling i help my parents run the 2 stores they own and that also a cause for worry so many things
Posted 1/21/2011 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
Violet,

Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  I am so glad you found us.

I, too, am glad you have come here and shared your fears as we will do our best to help you.

Being robbed at gunpoint is a really frightening deal, just like having your  family home broken into. And now you're worried about your family which is normal but if it is consuming your thoughts I would like to kindly suggest you think of seeing a therapist to help you learn how to decrease your worries.  May I ask if parents  have installed any kind of an alarm system or have a dog ?  I have both as I spent so much time alone when my husband worked night shift that I would bet spooked.  Not anymore.

As for your brother, it is heartbreaking for you to see him in prison but continue to be brave.  Look to the future when he is released from prison. I will pray that he will be committed to a new life of freedom and hope.  His real challenge will begin when he steps through the gate . I suspect you will be there for him.

I hope you continue to talk with us and let us support you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 

Posted 1/21/2011 7:34 PM (GMT 0)
sounds like things are pretty hard right now, you have a ton of responsibility that seems were dropped right on you. It sounds like you are pretty stressed right now as any person would be in your position. Honestly i would recomend getting in touch with a Professional of some sort. Its not just so you can get it out, but they help you navigate your stress and anxiety and figure out how to help deal with it.

As above i would recomend getting some sort of alarm system or even a dog if you could. Honestly i would recomend a pitbull. They are the most loyal and loving dog that has the worst rap out there. They are great around kids and VERy protective of the family (provided they are raised properly). but this is just my opinion. Something like this probably won't set you completely at ease but it will most likely help. Hope your feeling better!!


to SC. no need to apologize, i guess great mind think alike :)
Posted 1/21/2011 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
Yes my parents installed an alarm system in their home and they have a pitbull my brother left me his pitbull puppy when he left and i left him at my moms so their older dog can teach him the ropes hes now full grown so ill be taking him home soon to protect my house and ur right pitbulls are great animals we have 4 children under th age of 10 and theyve never once gave us reason to worry also on my mind alot is that with everything thats happened i havent been too open to seeing alot of people like my husbands family ive always been the type to just stay home with the family on weekends even more now though but his family is acting like im keeping my husband and my daughter away from them they dont even try to be simpathetic to my situation i really dont care either way but i do feel bad for my husbands sake when we hav gone to his parents we just stay a bit and cum home unlike his other 5 bros and sis which are there constantly he says he doesnt care but hes very close to his family as am i with mine i dont wana alienate him but i also dont wana be fake i know this is alot to put out there but it is what im going through

Post Edited (violetblue) : 1/21/2011 2:38:19 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/21/2011 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
I would stop worrying about your husband's family. Things could change in the future and you may have the oppertunity to see them more. Try not to worry about what other people are thinking. Your husband is fine with it, so no worries.

I am glad that you have a pitbull. I have a german shepherd and australian cattledog/pitbull mix. She is a wonderful girl. She will be fifteen though next month. So she has slowed down a tad. But she keeps up with the one year old shepherd. Who's birthday is today. lol...

I hope that you can let go of the worry. It just makes anxiety worse. Try to think positive things. Play with your pup. That will relax you. Keep your chin up and keep posting.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/21/2011 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for ur coments everyone im glad to see yall understand where im cumin from i hav so much on my plate right now and i really shouldnt care what his family thinks of me or my life i guess i just needed some reassurance thanks
Posted 1/22/2011 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
You are very welcome. I think as long as your husband is fine with this, there should be no worries. Things change and you will get to see them more in the future.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/23/2011 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
the thing withthat is that honestly i dont wana see them at all they are not good people and are the type that will rather buy 300 dollar shoes than pay their rent or bills and they brag about the cars they drive and then ask to borrow money from us to pay the car notes were very careful with our money and arent the boastfull type and they drink and party with all their savings rather than buy clothes or shoes for their kids i dont want to judge or anything but then they try to look down on my husband for not splurging on things for his car like rims or flat sreens or all that other crap not even that they never watch their kids and they each hav at least 2 one has 4 and they always run around by themselves and then blame the bigger children fr not takin care of their little siblings if they get hurt ( one time they asked if they could take my 5 yr old to the movies with them 6 children 3 adults i thought shed be fine but when my daughter got home she said her 5 yr old cousin had bit her hard to where she was crying so she told the girls mother what had happened and the mom told her go over there to the other room and didnt say anything to th girl and to tell u that the mother was the one who called me to ask if she can take my daughter) is it horrible of me to not want to be a part of all that?

Post Edited (violetblue) : 1/22/2011 7:37:29 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/23/2011 3:02 AM (GMT 0)
i am so sorry for what your sister had to go through!
My father is in prison. He wont be released until 2013. so I can relate to the hurt from that. I worry about him a lot, and it hurts me to know that I havent seen him or even heard his voice in 2 years, when we used to be really close. I write, but it obviously isnt the same. I wish I had some advice, but just know youre not alone.
Posted 1/23/2011 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
r you not able to visit ur dad in prison?
Posted 1/23/2011 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
I am, yes. I just havent been able to for one reason or another. where he is is 3hrs away. I dont drive, and finding someone to take me is hard because a lot of people in my family are upset with him still for being there. and truth be told, lately being in cars has been hard for me without panicking.
Posted 1/23/2011 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
im sorry i havent read ur posts but if i may ask y is it hard for u to be in cars?
Posted 1/23/2011 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
i kind of get like a claustrophobic feeling in them. feels like im in too small of a space. and my big panic attack that happened in september, was in a car so that probably has something to do with it.
a lot of times with my anxiety/panic it is hard to explain why I dont like to do certain things or go certain places. Its just how I feel, and its hard to put it into words. If I could make sense of it, believe me I would!:)
Posted 1/24/2011 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
Wow,

It sounds like you have two sets of value systems going on here. Yours and theirs. I can truly understand why you don't really want to be around them. Is your husband still cool with that? If so, I wouldn't worry too much. Just see them when you have to. lol...

I hope that you are feeling better today. Be kind to yourself once in a while, pamper yourself. Do good things for you when you can. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/24/2011 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
yea hes very suportiv of what im goin through and he does see the way they are and tells me dont worry about them as long as we're good i dont care if they talk crap about everythin we do we know we're happy .But i cant help but think that deep down hell resent me for it someday we only see them on holidays and their bdays but they want us there as much as they are and truly thats not us even if they were awesome to b around we got married young and worked really hard to buy our own place and we are just the type to stay at home and enjoy each other th three of us. i think they're upset cuz all last year we spent every weekend with my family taking out my brother and my sisters husband because we knew they might be going to jail for a long time so we did everything we could think of to make their last 8 months of freedom somethin they can remember if they did get locked up and we would hav to decline on hangin out with his family cuz we already made plans for every weekend but i would try to explain to them why and they didnt seem to care what my brothers situation was all thay cared was we werent there with them .And im not gona feel bad about it cuz my brother did get sentenced to 8 years and if i wouldve gave in to them without wanting to i would feel so bad right now but i did what i knew was right and my husband backed me up 100% the last weekend they were with us was fathers day we spent swiming at my parents with  his kids my sisters n her kid and her husband n  my daughter,  my husband chose to spend that day with his dad which is totaly understandable but his family  were mad cuz my daughter wasnt there . But we had the best time ever honestly the most perfect last day it couldve been and i dont regret anything about my decisions and i honestly stoped trying to explain myself to anyone anymore i live for me and my family and i live every day for me not for what every one expects of me and ive been very happy since deciding that.

Post Edited (violetblue) : 1/24/2011 10:17:10 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/24/2011 7:04 PM (GMT 0)
It really looks to be like everything is okay. Try not to project into the future. Take this one day at a time. Things will work out, I promise. It sounds like your husband is 100% behind you and that is great. Enjoy each and everyday. You said you don't care what the inlaws think, so that is good. You shouldn't. I am sorry that your brother is going to jail. Eight years is a long time. Maybe he will get paroled early.

I hope that you are having a good day today.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/24/2011 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
im am getting to aplace where i do feel alot better thanks for everyones support cuz i hav been very anxcious about all these things its been really hard though to try and ignore everyone else thoughts on my life but thanks so much for all the positiv encouragement i only joined this group a week ago and already i feel so much more at ease. : )
Posted 1/24/2011 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
Violetblue,

I am happy that you are feeling better. That is what this forum is for. To try to help people with their problems and give them a new outlook. All the members here are wonderful and really do care.

Have a wonderful day. Keep up the good work. And it is work. Try to stay relaxed and at ease.

Hugs, Karen
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