I'm messed up but the world is even more messed up.

I admit that I get pretty down on myself some times, perfectionism seems encouraged. I worry about not being good enough in a variety of ways many times a day. Right now my goal, (which sometimes seems maddeningly illusive) is to learn to love and appreciate who I am. (has a selfish ring to it--no?) For a sensitive person, and a lot of us with anxiety are pretty sensitive and easy to scare/hurt, the world is a pretty dangerous place. Let's face it--even driving to the store we really are taking our lives into our hands. When traffic is at it's worst it's seems a wonder that anyone makes it home alive, and it's true that no one makes it out alive in life. No wonder we're scared to death!

What about mean people who intentionally hurt others? Where is the justice? I want my mommy! And getting sick--yes it will happen, unless we die first--I just got diagnosed with crohn's, a disease where your own body decides to mutiny and attack itself! Really, body, aren't there enough bad germs and viruses out there trying to make you sick without you doing it to yourself?? See- I've just failed at loving myself!

Holy smokes, I'm reading this and it sounds like it's written by a nut case--but this is how I really feel sometimes. Could I be a bigger downer? Ask my 14 year old son when it's homework time.

Thank you guys for letting me rant--I feel a little better and like I'm ready to try to see the bright side a little more. I'm going to put on the rain gear and get out to the garden today--it's almost spring here.

Betty

Good Morning

Feelings can either be helpful or unhelpful. Helpful feelings give you direction - like a compass. Unhelpful feelings may overwhelm and paralyze. Most unhelpful feelings are fueled by mistaken or irrational beliefs. In other words, mistaken beliefs turn irritation into rage, sadness into depression, and appropriate nervousness into panic.

Thus, if you want to change the way you feel, you must change the way you think - because it is not the events that upset you as much as the way you perceive them.

If you demand that you must  always be perfect, then you are guaranteed to upset yourself frequently. The more rigid these beliefs, the more frequent the upsets. In addition, the more you tie your self-worth to them, the more deeply upset you become. It's a no-win situation that fuels much anxiety and depression.

It is much more helpful to work persistently on changing your attitude from "I must  be perfect" to "It would be nice if I was perfect, but since nobody is perfect I will invariably make mistakes - and that's OK. I should try to learn from them." In short, by accepting the reality of your own human imperfections, you will be less likely to get overwhelmed or beat up on yourself when you are not perfect. Look into therapy as it will help you understand your feelings if you give it a chance - at least it did for me.

Like you I am a sensitive person and always have been to the point where I have been told I am oversensitive which caused me to try to be what others expected.  It did not work for me as I did what you are doing,  I tried to please others and assumed I must be inadequate.  My esteem took many blows until I finally accepted that what others thought of me or what I perceived others thought of me did not make a difference.  I have to love myself.

I hope this is not mucking up the waters.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

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There is a lot of pressure in society. Drive the right car. Get the right education. Have the right job. Make money. Get married and raise perfect children who will go on to drive the right cars, get the right education, have the right jobs, make enough money, and get married and raise perfect children who will repeat the cycle.

But it rarely happens that way. Sure there are lots of people who have done well for themselves, but it's still not perfect, so everyone's still self-conscious and many people become unhappy.

And there are a lot of negative things in the world, but the thing is, you probably will get home alive if you drive safely. You probably won't be the victim of any major crimes in your life. The odds are in our favor with those things.

We all get sick. Some worse than others. I have my tooth problem, and that isn't as bad as your crohn's. But your crohn's isn't as bad as someone I know who has ovarian cancer that has spread to her lung. And she's not as bad off as the guy across town with multiple myeloma. Or the millions in Africa with AIDS. Or the millions in Africa who are exposed to deadly illnesses every day because of bad drinking water. It can always be worse. I don't know if that's a comfort to you or not, but it should help to give you perspective. Most people in this world are extremely poor and live in absolutely horrible conditions that make their lives harder and shorter. We're fortunate in many ways but often fail to realize it because we're bombarded with these images about a perfect life (that is fictional).