Please help... Desperately need advice.

Situation: four years together children from
Previous relationships. Early thirties age group.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression for years. I am on anti depressants that also help with anxiety. This daily medication works well for me
Most of the time.
I have found that when I am having an attack it is often associated with an argument with hubby. I become very paranoid and attack worse or it is triggered by him wanting to walk away or leave the house for hours. I then left to cope alone. I have explained and tried tobshare info many times but he appears to either not care or He says he is too tired or in to bad a mood to deal with anything. It has gotten to the point where I will explain what I need and ask directly but he seems to get angry or seems resentful when I need him. I usually just want a hug and reassurance.

Anytime we have an argument he seems to turn it on me even if I was the one angry at him originally. And then I'm
Left hupervenyillating sobbing begging him to help
Me feel okay and not to
Walk out the door and he just gets more irate.

Is this something that I need to be dealing with wholy on my own? What kinds of tools can u suggest if so. I feel that if the position were reversed I would
Take the time to learn about what he feels and try to help him anyway possible. I don't expect a lot njust a reassuring hug and word. And undone expect it when he is angry. I would just like if it arises for him to help if he can and he isn't angry at me.

I would defiantly say I'm the giver in the relationship and he makes most decisions. I don't have a problem with this as I am flexible and easy going most of the time. But if there is ever something i don't want to do it is hard to not be convinced otherwise by him cause it's easier to give in. Here is an example to tie these issues all together and I hope to get some honest feedback from it.

He lied to me about something trivial. He lied cause it was an embarrassing issue. When I realized He lied I called him on phone ( he was at work) and told him to come home. He got angry at me for not telling him why I was mad and said he wouldn't come home unless I told him
On phone and that he wud be pissed off etc. I had wanted to talk to him face to face to ask about it so I cud read his body language. He turned it against me as he knows that's my weak spot. So I start panic attack and he gets more
Mad and tells me he won't talk to me til
I'm
Calm. I beg him just hear me out but he wont cause he's too
Mad I won't tell him over phone what I want to confront with. So he calls back and I have pulled myself togetrr. I had no choice! Otherwise he won't talk to me. So I tell him on the phone after he promisesnot to be mad or hold against me and that he will still talk to
Me during day and come home on time
Etc. I confront h on phone his way. He explains his way out saying trivial
And embarrassing and he is then angry at me for making big deal out of small thing. Really I was trying to explain I was upset about the lie itself cause a lie is a lie. Doesn't matter though cause he is roaring angry at me again and says he doesn't
wanna hear frome rest of day. I try call and he throwsnit to voicemail. So I start way worse panic attack. My worst feeling is to be alone when that happens and to have him angry and not talking and not home. And then I really start to lose it cause he promised he Wudnt do just what he did. So I beg cry plead on text and finally get him
On phone and I'm saying sorry and please help
Me and he listens but is angry. I regain control eventually and write an email explaining the anxiety attacks again and say sorry. He doesn't acknowledge any of it. Makes reg conversation later on.

Another example wud be another evening. On this one I take hours and hours pleasuring him while he sits back and enjoys. When we go to bed I really feel anxiety coming on and ask for a snuggle. He says he wud but his arm hurts or whatever other excuse he can come up with for such. So I start to cry and try and be quiet cause he just gets that much more
Mad when I cry. So he figures out I'm crying and gets mad and says he doesn't have time for this and Blah blah. He is notorious for having me do what he wants and then when I ask for a hug or to tell
Me he loves me or tell me he's attracted to me still. I don't expect him
To
Mind read. I ask directly for what I want. I don't always expect it. But if it's something as simple as two
Minutes dedicated to me after I spend hours on him I don't see why he can't. I love making
Others happy and especially him but I become a little sad and anxious when I see him
Doing nothing back for me or compromising on things I wud like to do etc.

I guess main question is...
Is it unreasonable to want to feel safe and protected in a spouses arms?
If he is around and able to help with an anxiety attack is it unreasonable to expect him to intervene and try to comfort me or should I be completely free from relying on him?
What kinda of tools can I use to cope alone and is it
Best for me to not rely on him for anything?