Little pre info: I have been together with my boyfriend for 15 years and we have three kids. My kids have had thier whole lives with his influences. 13 and 11 year old sons. and my 2 1/2 year old daughter.
My long-term boyrfreind and I have been having a really rocky relationship since we both dealt with a horrible scary stressful breakup before I got pregnant with our 3rd child. Scary because he was suicidal, stalking me, showing up places that I was, and getting my children involved with scary dramatic situations.
I got pregnant again, with our 3rd when we were broken up, so I got back together with him and I am now thinking it was a huge mistake I made for the wellbeing of myself and my children. He is not physically abusive but mentally he is and I do worry that if I took things to more stressfull levels for him it could get dangerous. Hes already been sent to the hospitals for his unstability during our breakup. So I have an idea of what could possibly happen again.
We have since gotten back together for 3 years after our 2 1/2 daughter was born. In those times, we went through major post partum depression together. During those times I was not on any medication, but he was. Then he stopped the medications all together. After we got back together, he can not seem to come to terms with me as to why I ended up leaving him when I did. So now that we are back together our relationship is worse 10 fold and we have the stress of the new child.
I want my freedom more than anything but when I demand it he ignores my wishes. I dont have the heart to watch the cops handcuff thier father away in front of my children so I have not forced him away.
He collects papers, and reciepts and "STUFF" that I cannot explain exactly what it is. But he has two backpacks full and his coat pockets are stuffed with his collections. He carries them everywhere and guards it with his life like he cannot live without those things.
I asked him what all the stuff was, and he replies that it is things he has collected from his freinds houses and our house that seem to be connected to me. I dont understand, I dont even know his freinds and have no association with anyone. He doesnt trust me with anything anymore. He comes home everyday and searches my house to see if someone is there while he is gone. He calls me more than 4 times everytime I leave the house. He questions me continuously about everything I do.
I have three kids, a full time job, the sole breadwinner in the family never able to depend on him for financial support so I dont even have the time to be unfaithful if I wanted too. He doesnt help with housework, I feel like hes just a body in my house taking up space giving me grief. I feel like my support and love is undeserved the way he treats me and our children with all of his stress and problems. He always came first! Myself or my children did not for the last 15 years.
I am really scarred with resentment toward him, and have spiralled into deep depression with him in my life. I cant figure out what I want with him anymore. I have never been a depressed person in my entire lifetime until Ive had to deal with his depression this last three years. Hes affecting me in really bad ways. Its like it is contagious.
Mostly my question is, does anyone know if something is wrong with his collecting of things? I feel like it weighs him down and never lets him be free of the old baggage. We couldve had a great life if he would just let things go, and start being more concerned about how happy he couldve made his family.
In my mind, I believe he is the most selfish person I have ever met. And I'm having so much resentment and hate towards him. I just put up with him for the sanity of myself and our kids. Family Life should not be like this!! I used to think I was an incredibly strong woman but now I feel like I have lost all my power in myself. Anyone have any ideas?