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Posted 7/14/2011 7:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Everyone! i'm new here and oh so thankful i found this forum. i'd like to say that i've read many posts so far and already feel as though i'm reading my own story. i look forward to reading more of your insight and wisdom...


First of all, it makes me sad to even type in the subject. My situation is i'm in a foreign country. Here because my husband works here (he's a local). We have two young children. i can't fully speak the language and barely a moment to learn because my two children keep me so busy (and exhausted). As the time passes I'm suffering through an ever growing anxiety and fear. i have no family here to support me or close friends. i have no one to relate to here as most expats living here with children are in quite different circumstances than I.

I feel as though Im slowly becoming more reclusive. i used to be a strong person. more positive, more everything. Now i'm losing my drive. I hate this growing feeling of being fearful. i have so many useless thoughts that are feeding my anxiety. And just the idea of being so alone here makes me plain depressed.

i don't know if anyone here is in the same position. i've tried to actively seek out others who are like minded and in the same circumstances. But to no avail. Now i'm feeling alienated and without any remnants of my former self. How can i keep myself sane? i don't want to feel as though this time in my life is moving on, as i regress as a person.

my husband doesn't understand what i'm going through entirely. in fact he gets quite annoyed and irritated when i bring up my worries. i don't want my fear and anxiety to affect my children.

Post Edited (Mochaa) : 7/14/2011 2:20:00 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/14/2011 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
i feel the same way most of the time these days. In the beginning of my treatment when I started to feel better I became optimistic. But after several years of treatment and not much improvement in the most bothersome of symptoms (anxiety, panic, pain, sense of dread 24/7) I have become very negative. I think it scares a lot of people away from me because I feel I am unable to enjoy most things anymore.

If I do go out I need to take a painkiller, or some kratom, or an anti-anxiety med. It's practically impossible for me to enjoy "normal" things without the aid of a substance. Even going to ONE college level class twice a week is becoming a nightmare. I feel like I am becoming a paranoid shizo freak shut-in because I am always at home unable to feel pleasure in life.

I have no desire to find a girl since it just feels bad. I don't know what to do anymore. With the economy going downhill, all my friends seem like they have lyme too (live in virginnia, its an epidemic here) and they refuse to awknowledge it. It's very sad and all I see is evil left in this world.

I wish I could get past this but I just seem to keep spiraling farther and farther into dependence on opiates, benzos, etc.... and I just can't handle it anymore.

I'm 22 and I live by myself and don't have many friends. I haven't even gone to the lyme support meetings in my area because I'm too anxious to think about it. I've had suicidal thoughts at least four days out of the week for the past year and a half. I also feel like I just annoy my family these days because I'm always in such a horrible mood. Sometimes I think if I just leave and go live out in the woods until I die it would be better for everyone. I'll be with my ticks which are a part of me now and I won't bother anyone anymore. I'm really depressed and no anti-depressant, supplement, or med can change that because it's part of my subconscious view of the world.

I pray for a miracle every night. I don't think I can go to class today either :( . there's just no reason to. I have no motivation and I always get an A or B anyway whether i show up or not. I guess learning is my only strong point.
Posted 7/14/2011 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mochaa and welcome! First of all, let me say that anyone in your situation would certainly feel isolated and anxious. It is hard enough trying to raise young ones, staying at home...it has it's blessings of course, but also long days and nights with the exhaustion that you mentioned! Add to that the fact that you are in a place where you don't know many people, or speak the language and your loneliness doubles!

Your circumstances may not be changeable at the moment, but your outlook is. May I suggest visiting our Anxiety Resource Guide? (main page 3rd post down) It has some really great breathing and relaxation exercises to help with the anxiety. It also has a link to Moodgym, an on-line site to help deal with feelings of depression and anxiety. It can help to process the feelings of loneliness, fear, and 'loss of self' into more postive feelings.

Keep coming here as well. You can post anytime with questions, or when in need of support. You can also meet people and make connections in the chat rooms:)

I hope that this is helpful, and that you know that you have friends here who understand...I look forward to hearing more from you.

Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 7/14/2011 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
To ASE...I am sorry that you are going through a rough time right now.. Living with a chronic illness does wear you down. Try to remember that just as there are the low times...there comes a time of feeling better. Try to keep your focus on the postive things in your life. Even if it seems impossible, make a list of three things that you are grateful for everyday. They may be the same or different, depending on your outlook. I picked up on one in your post to start you off...you are obviously intelligent! Being able to pull off A's & B's in school with little effort? Awesome! I only did that with a ton of work:p

If I can ask...have you had any help with your feelings? I think that anyone dealing with the effects of chronic illness/depression/anxiety could benefit from therapy. You may want to consult with your dr. for a referral. I know that you have a support group, but one-on-one might be a better fit for now? Also, the Moodgym site that I mentioned in the above post might be something that you could check out. It has helped many members here. It is free, done at home and at your own pace.

I am hoping that you have brighter times ahead...please post anytime that you need some support, or just some 'listening' ears. We understand your feelings and are here to help:)

Be well,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 7/15/2011 10:28 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you SC, I've been looking through the site links and grateful there are so many resources available.

I'd only till recently found that it's much more difficult for my husband to 'deal' with my anxiety and nervousness. He just can't understand. I've come to think that he's seen this as a side of me that's unexpected and maybe doesn't want to accept it as part of who i am, for now (i hope). It wasn't until recently either that I'd seen this as a genuine problem. When it had begun to interfere with my day to day life, i knew there was something wrong. i'd never felt scared like this before. And being "scared" was a strange way to put it for the first time i said that. When i said to my husband "i'm scared", his face just showed complete confusion.

Again thank you SC! I will continue to keep up with this forum. I almost can't believe there are other people who experience this same anxiety as i do. That's some relief for me.
Posted 7/15/2011 3:00 PM (GMT 0)
I have the same situation with my husband...Good husband, wonderful dad...everyone thinks he is the greatest, and he is...except he can't understand or sympathize with my disorder:(

I just started a thread about this (I love you guys but...) and it seems to be a prevalent problem! That's why this place is so awesome:) We understand each other in a way only fellow sufferers can.

So glad that you found us and are planning to stick around.

Have an anxiety-free day, and talk to you soon,
S.C.
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