Hi, this is my first post, my main problem - cancer phobia.

I heard about you great people from someone close to me. After reading some of your posts and looking at the moderators, I'm so pleased you all let me in! Thank you!

I'm in my 60s and have had depression all my life. My cancer phobia began when I was 38. I've suffered with this demon ever since.

At the moment, I think I have throat cancer. I have a small white patch in the back area near where the tonsils used to be. I search the web for someone who has a white patch on their throat!

I had a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy for fear of cancer, a total hysterectomy, and check myself constantly for any sign of change on my person.

I believe my main problem comes from not being close to anyone and my children aren't in a position to care for me should something happen. I'm married but my husband is full of life and has tons of family and friends. He isn't close to me at all. I'm not complaining about him. This is about me.

I thank you for listening and it's so nice to be here.

God bless,
C me

Thank you so much for the reply SC. It means so much more than I can say.

Yes, I've had therapy in the past but unfortunately it didn't help. I was diagnosed with "Bi-polar," (therapist slept most of the time), then "Situational Depression," when I actually have a severe cancer phobia, plain an simple. My "Bi-polar" is actually Uni-polar. (I am never manic.) I've had talk therapy also to no avail.

I just ordered a work book which I saw mentioned in a post here. I hope it will help me.

I have absolutely no fear of dying. My problem is the journey! I think this stems from having been abandoned as a child. I recall times when I was terrified and there wasn't anyone I could turn to. I know it's been a ton of years since then but I'm still looking for someone to keep me safe I suppose.

I wish I could get CBT but I just don't know how to locate someone in this field besides the phone book. I've had enough experience and expensive therapy that didn't help me by selecting someone from there.

Thank you, I'll peruse the Anxiety Resource Guide.

Again thank you for taking the time to 'talk' to me. You are very kind.

God bless,
Cme

chaoticme

Hello and welcome to HealingWell ! Pull up a chair and set a spell.  I look forward to getting to know you better.

You have touched on a subject that is near and dear to my heart.  I come from a family with a very high rate of cancer.  We have much in common as I also have depression, anxiety, abandonment issues and I am in my 60's - wow !  We could be related

Cancer causing you to feel a little scared? You're in good company; cancer really frightens us, especially those of us who've been close to someone who died of cancer.

But we can turn these fears to good use by using them to spur us to action. The vast number of cancer deaths occurred because the cancer wasn't discovered until it had spread beyond its original tumor site.

We can also use our fear as a motivator to make lifestyle changes that can vastly reduce our risk of getting cancer. 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts
cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel / act better even if the situation does not change.

Your fears are very normal but please know you now belong to this awesome online family and we are here for you so use us well.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

I meant to ask but forgot so here I am again.

After reading my posts, do you feel I could be experiencing PTSD? When I was a young girl, 13 to be exact, I saw my beloved sister burn to death. I didn't have family to help me or even talk to me and I stuffed all the pain. To this day, I cannot talk about it without crying a lot. Could my cancer phobia be connected to PTSD?

Even though I wasn't close to my mother, (she resented the fact that it wasn't me that died in the fire), she suffered three years with cervical cancer before dying.

God bless

Thank you Kitt.

I am so very sorry for all your loss. I have a daughter who is very ill and I often think about mothers who have lost a child. The pain it too great to imagine. This has to be the most painful loss of all. I will pray for the Good Lord to bless you and give you His peace.

After I lost my beloved older sister, I struggled along and more or less took care of my self then where she used to. Daddy had abandoned us when I was seven.

Mom had fear issues which she passed on to me then my sister died and mom changed from no affection to resenting me.

Daddy didn't come see me and I used to stand on the street hoping to see him pass by. I missed him and couldn't understand why he didn't love me or want to see me. (Many years later I learned that his brother, my 'uncle' was my father. Then I knew why he didn't love me.)

I ran off and got married and moved to another state. Then my "uncle" died and I went to the wake to see my daddy. I walked up to him, he grabbed me and started crying uncontrollably. He had NEVER touched me before. He kept saying, "my little girl, my little girl." I was 33 years old and so happy daddy had finally held me. I made up my mind then that I would come to visit him on Father's Day which was coming up soon.

Then unbeknownst to me, he was in a car wreck and hospitalized for a month before dying. Mom heard about it but never called to tell me. My brother called me after he died. I went to his wake. I couldn't tell him how happy me made me when he hugged me or that to me he was my daddy and I loved him.

Then my mom died from cervical cancer. My brothers told me after she died that she hated me and had called me a *****. I admit I didn't go visit her often but I was always sending her money for food and utilities. I even shared my grocery money with her. I even paid for her burial. Anyway, that's another story.

I then lost my three brothers in 17 months; two to alcoholism and one from lung problems, he had Cerebral Palsy. There isn't any family/relatives left.

My children and I are the whole family. Their dad abandoned them (later died due to diabetes and mostly alcoholism) but thank God I remarried a wonderful man who adopted and love them like they were his own and they loved him. He died in 1998. I remarried in 2007. He's a good man but ultra cold. His son told me, "dad isn't able to love like you and I." But, at my age, I don't feel like beginning again so I'll live with the situation.

I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to share with someone who can relate. All you people are wonderful and so understanding, especially you Kitt. I can't thank you enough.

God bless,
Cme