OCD, Anxiety, Celexa, Depression

Everyone has a different makeup, each med will effect each one of us differently. And reading all the posts can't always be good for those of us who deal with unrealistic worries, etc. I had some traumatic and life issues that set off a bout of anxiety and depression this summer. Finally, after months of dealing with it, and finally after being so depressed that I was begging God to take me, I realized I needed help. I posted this in the depression forum too, though I tweaked it for this forum. Just curious.

I got it. We tried Prozac and that seemed to make me more anxious. My psych. doc is big on giving the bipolar diagnosis (kind of wish he had not told me what he thought), and though I disagree with him due to past history, I know I have some sort of issue - depression/anxiety. He prescribed celexa 20 mg and 450 mg of Trileptal twice a day. If there is a side effect- common - I will get it - including the yucky thinking - intrusive death and doom thoughts. The first two weeks were yucky, and I am in my third week, and it has been up and down, and yesterday had a great day, no thoughts, nothing, and then today, all the 'what ifs' popped up and the yuckiness. I am not suicidal at all -those thoughts scare me but I won't do it. I thought yeah, no thoughts yesterday. I had been able to reason with them and keep moving forward. But today, I just broke down in tears cause I guess I brought the thoughts back up in my head. (Thinking why they were not there). Intrusive thoughts.. Think too much. Family has OCD tendencies.

I don't believe that medicines can make you think things, I think they can effect your emotions, true enough. I guess I was more depressed than I thought. I just started writing again and have been pretty good. I think I am thinking too much today and putting too much strength and worry into that. Cause after I talked to myself and prayed, I was fine.

I have an appointment next Friday. I will tell you this, that a few weeks ago, ebfore meds, I wouldn't have thought I would have made it past new years. I was so seriously down. And anxious on top of that.

Everyone says hang on and I am hangin on. So many of the uglies are not as intense. WHere I was thinking of ways before, now it is just the word that comes and it goes.

I called my doc last time so I know I can do it again. I don't think i am in crisis mode. I think I am in survivor mode.

I started taking the celexa and trileptal about three and half to four weeks ago today. Still a short a mount of time, isn't it?

Just wondering what you all thought. Again, I know we are all different. Would rather not have any negatives, just honesty. I know saying that opens the doors. If you have taken antidepressants longer than six weeks, that is who I want to hear from..