Not doing too good right now.....

I have been having a rough two weeks. Having a setback I suppose. I also just got my "friend" last night, and for about 10 days before I was very anxious. I'm still feeling quite anxious at this point.

I guess it doesn't help either that hubby and I found out, 3 days ago, that a friend of ours was murdered. I had to rely heavily on my xanax for the last few days, thank God I have them to help!

I'm thinking it may be time soon to step up to the 150 mgs that my doc wants me on. I've been on 125 for 3 weeks now, and i'm feeling a lot better, but I still have my moments. I'm going to give it another week and see how I feel.

The other night my heart was racing so fast it sent me into an anxiety attack, not a full blown panic attack thank God, but the anxiety was hard enough to deal with. It was actually the night that we found out about our friend. I was up until after 4 a.m. Could not fall asleep, so I took another xanax to calm myself to the point where I could finally close my eyes and drift off.

I hope you are all feeling better!

Hugs, Fox

Hi Fox,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is truly tragic and I can see why your anxiety is kicking up.

Take care of yourself, and rely on your coping skills. I will keep you, and your friend's family in my prayers!

Hugs being sent your way,

S.C.

Thank you all very much. It was a shock to both of us when we heard the news. He was such a great guy, and a great father! We are almost positive that it was his ex-wife because they were supposed to have their second child custody hearing a few hours after he was found shot to death in his bed. He was previously granted primary physical custody of his kids because his ex was very abusive not only to him, but to their 4 children, she even stabbed her one daughter in the chest with a pencil! She was a true nutcase!!! Needless to say, she never showed up for the custody hearing that day, and she was later found in New York. So it's pretty simple to put two and two together.

Kitt, My doc wants me to increase the Zoloft to 150 mgs. I always get more anxious before my period starts, I have tracked this for months now, and it seems to start exactly 10 days before I get it, and then it lasts a few days into it. So i'm pretty sure it's because of my hormones going nuts due to peri.

I'll get through this, I know I will. It happened all three times I took Zoloft before. It would be kind of a hiccup, or a bump in the road. I think because my anxiety was in a high state to begin with, and then hearing that news, it just took over.

I'm actually feeling a bit better today, I only had to take an extra half of a xanax to get rid of the anxiety.

Thank you again for being here for me. It really does mean the world to me that I have made such great friends here!

((HUGS)) Fox

Kitt,

The 125 mgs seems to be working quite well at this point, except for "that time of the month" I still get a bit anxious, but i've only been on this dose for about 3 weeks. Other than that, it's been really helping. That's why I said i'd give it a few more weeks to see if I NEED to increase to 150. If I feel I do, then i'll go up, if not, i'll stay put for now.

I'm feeling a lot better today, as it is the second full day of my period, and this is when I usually start winding down a little, usually by the third day i'm feeling much better. I didn't have to take any extra xanax today at all (knock on wood). I spent most of my day outside, either sitting on my back porch talking to my mother & father in law, or messing around with the chickens. LOL! I started feeling a little anxious at one point, but I talked myself out of it. So hopefully i'll be able to calm down alot more, and with it being a few days since the shocking news, I think i'm calming myself more, and accepting the fact of what is.

The hard part is going to come on Wednesday, at the viewing. I get REALLY anxious when it comes to funerals, and I try my best not to have to go, if I don't absolutely HAVE TO, because they freak me out so much! So we'll see if I can even manage to pull myself together for that. I wasn't able to go to our other friend's mother's viewing because of this. And that was about 2 weeks ago.

We'll see what happens. I'm not going to make myself, or anyone else, any promises to go if I don't feel up to it though, because just seeing the kids will be VERY hard for me and probably send me into panic mode. My heart breaks for them. I just cannot imagine what must be going through their heads at this point in time. Especially after his daughters are the one's who found him. The oldest two are twin girls, 16 years old, then a son who's 12, and another son who's 9. 

It's just a very sad thing, and it brought me down, but I realized a while ago that life does go on, and unfair things happen to good people all the time in this world, that we have no control over. God must have needed another angel. It is extremely devastating when something so horrible happens to someone you know. I mean you read about it, and hear it on the news all the time, but when it hits so close to home it's a really hard pill to swallow.

OK, enough talking about that, as it just makes me sad to think about it, but it did help just to get it all out.  

Let me know how you are feeling, and if you have any questions about any side effects, just ask. I've been through them all! LOL!

Zoloft is one of the SSRI's that takes the longest to actually start working, but to me, it is well worth the wait. Just give it some time, you'll see. And if you have to increase, the max dosage is 200 mgs (which i'm sure you already knew), so you have plenty of room left over to work with.

Hope you are feeling better today Kitt, and thank you for being here for me! ((hugs)) Fox

 

im kind of relieved your on zoloft, i read your first post and it sounded like you were on 125mg of xanax! lol.

Having a friend murdered would cause anyone anxiety and stress, my heart goes out to you.

Fox,

Well I had my first good chuckle in a long time - there have been many times a whopping 125mgs of Xanax may sound like the only thing that could stamp down anxiety,  but alas I suspect we would not wake up until a handsome prince charming  came along and kissed us.

I must admit that I have not gone to some funerals because of my overall anxiety. When I am not doing well I may send flowers or just go to the funeral and sit in the back making sure I sign the guest book so the family will see I was at the funeral even if I don't participate in the viewing. 

When my sister had ovarian cancer I spent 10 months at her bedside here in MN where I live.  She was from North Dakota.  At the end when she went home to ND to live out her last days I talked with her on the phone 2-3 times a day.  After one short week at home she died with her children and grandchildren at her side.  I chose not to go to North Dakota and her daughter - my very special neice - understood why I could not attend. 

I am glad to know you have a tight group of friends and that is what I am missing in my life now.  Each of us grieves in our own way so know whatever you choose to do re the visitation is OK.

I just happen to have a Pdoc appointment this afternoon.  I was scheduled to see her nurse but the clinic called and the Dr. had a cancellation.  I went into immediate anxiety and shed tears but then pulled myself together as this is a good thing as I need to talk with her.  I also made 2 appointments with my therapist.

I hate feeling so afraid of my own shadow.

Take care my friend,

Kitt

 

Hey Foxy, almost missed your post...we had a busy night here last night!

I understand about the funeral...I'm glad that you did what was best for you...if you are struggling with anxiety as it is, I am sure that would have been too much to add to your levels at the moment.

I am sorry that the med levels are causing you some confusion. I guess I would ask myself, 'How much of my anxiety is situational, as opposed to chronic/everyday anxiety?'

IOW, if you think it is wrapped up in your current circumstances. ie., the loss of your friend, then I would wait before increasing...but if it is more organic/hormonal anxiety which is not going to decrease without intervention, then you should go ahead and treat it!

I wish you the best in your decision...you are not alone, we are here to support you in anything you do...keep us posted and we'll be here to listen, okay?

Hugs right back at you!

S.C.

Thanks SC! I was calling around up here where I live now to try and find a psychiatrist and see what they think. The earliest I can get in to see the one I called is May.

I'm thinking of just hanging tight here on the 125 for now and just supplementing with the xanax as needed, like my doc told me to do, but she did also tell me she wanted me on 150, which i'm not listening to yet. (*giggles*)

As far as the whole, murder/funeral situation. I'm feeling a lot better now, i'm not thinking of that every day anymore, as a matter of fact, I try not to think of it at all. I'm keeping myself pre-occupied by doing other things.

I do check in every day almost, it's just that I was in a "funk" again, and not feeling too talkative. I get like that sometimes, so don't think I left you guys, cause i'm still here. LOL! Just a lot going on at the moment.

Sending my love to all of you, and hoping everyone is feeling good, or better than they were.

((hugs)) Fox

Fox,

I am glad today is a better day for you.  I think you have made a good choice by giving the Zoloft 125mg a bit more time.  I know all of us want our meds to work and 6-8 weeks seems like forever when you are feeling high anxiety.  I also know there are days when I don't really feel like talking here as I am feeling down and don't know what to say. Today I am feeling a bit edgy and short tempered so I have to pull back a bit so I don't take these feelings out on my hubby.

We will hold onto hope together.  (((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))

Kitt