New to Board. Disassociating. Fear of Death, Life.

I just wanted to introduce myself. I have had panic disorder, ocd and anxiety since I was a child. I had my first panic attack in my 20's and ended up in the er having an EKG I have had a dozen since that time as well as a dozen other tests that always come back normal. My issue is mainly issues relating to death- a fear of cancer, dying. Although I am starting to learn that I don't fear death as much as I fear not living a life I am proud of or happy with.

Over the years I have struggled with de-personalization, full blown panic, obsessive thoughts about diseases. I have pretty much convinced myself that over the years I have had every form of cancer and disease there is. I have incurred thousands of dollars in medical bills and I am sure I am labeled at my Doctors office.

One ER physician did the best thing he ever could for me. I had my 6th normal ekg and he quietly said to me, "You don't need a doctor, you need a therapist." I started to cry and thanked him for being the one to finally tell me.

After struggling with feeling disconnected from my body. (Walking around a store and feeling like I was not connected to myself), not being able to look into a mirror without feeling "strange" I started therapy. It took awhile but I finally found someone that "got me" and she has helped tremendously. I also had to make sure I stuck with it as my normal mode of operation was to check in then bail when things got to rough.

I am almost 45 years old now and I still get attacks but not as often. I feel like I still have a long way to go. The only things that really get me through this are BREATHING correctly. Seriously, I had no idea that breathing wrong can make me panic more. I also spend a lot of time outdoors, listen to music, read. I RARELY watch TV because it just gets me even more worked up. If I do watch anything I record it and fast forward through commercials and the news. I avoid negative things and people.

I have been trying to find a support group for some time but have noticed that there is not a lot of commitment to them. I hope that is not the case here.

That is all for now, thanks for listening.

Post Edited (JewellsBird) : 4/10/2012 8:05:16 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Jewells! Welcome :) I have been visiting this site for about a month and have noticed a wonderful level of commitment and support. It sounds like you're on a great path and need a place to help keep things going. I'm at that place in my overcoming anxiety as well. In other words, I think we've both come to the right place :)

HI,

Your story is just like mine to a t.  I have years were i do wonderful than out of the blue the panic is back.  My biggest fear is of cracking up, never happens but man very scary.

In 2005 i was diagnosed with BC, not once in the 1.5 years of treatment did i have any anxiety, so strange, you would think that would have caused major anxiety, but nope. 

Now 7 years later, it is back, not real bad, most of the time i get it is when I drive, so i bought a CD by DR. Claire Weeks, Passing through Panic, so helps.  I'm also back with my shrink, really helpful.  These boards to are a godsent..

Wishing you contiuned success

SnufflesMom