HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

High stress situation

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 5/28/2012 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

It's been awhile since I've posted here, but thought I might feel better once I reach out.

I've been in a very unhealthy relationship for the last 7 years. My partner has an anger/rage problem, and I've been on the receiving end for all these years. He has never hit me, but punched holes in the door and wall some years ago. But the yelling, screaming and emotional h*** has been a nightmare that I now understand is never going to end.

I got us into couples therapy a year and a half ago because he refused to go to anger management, so I thought somehow couples therapy would be better than nothing. Unfortunately it made things worse.

I am trying to prepare to leave. It's going to take a few months money-wise to go, so needless to say living there during this time is already taking its toll. I am not telling him until I am ready to go out the door, otherwise, he will kick me out and I will be homeless.

The anixety and panic attacks I've been experiencing the last week have been so awful. There are times where the stress is so heavy that I can't breathe. It feels like I have 50 pounds on my chest. This is something that is on my mind 24/7 and so I really need to find a way to make that go away because the dwelling is causing the panic attacks. I am scared he's going to find out I want to leave before I am prepared to go and I know that's part of it to.

I am taking Clonazepam for these attacks when they come on, but it's not even helping. I feel like I'm suffocating.

Thanks for listening,
Posted 5/28/2012 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there sorry your going through a really tough time at the moment I'd say that you need to get out of this relationship asap as it seems its emotionaly draining you verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse and no one should go through that from my point of view this is the root cause to your anxiety I'm sure once you make that step you will find your anxiety will be more manageable just focus on yourself and your health and take care
Posted 5/28/2012 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
you are wise  to leave him good foryou. Is there someone you could stay in an immergency?

I will pray for your safety until you are out of there,

hugs,Caren

Posted 5/29/2012 1:31 PM (GMT 0)
mogli,

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Isn't there a relative, friend, "safehouse" or a battered women/men's shelter that you would be able to go until you have enough money saved up?

You should really remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can. Also, I would highly recommend seeing your doc for a complete physical, just to make sure all of the chest pain you are feeling is, in fact, due to anxiety alone. Stress is NOT good for the heart.... I don't mean to scare you, but it is a fact, and you should have yourself checked out.

Sending comforting hugs....

Fox
Posted 5/29/2012 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
mogli,

It is so hard in these situations when we have to make decisions for our best interest. But do what is right for you and remember living in an abusive relationship is not truly where you want to be.  You deserve so much better.

There is a great book that you may want to read and I know it is available from Amazon:

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. 

 

My best advice,  get away from him as soon as possible and do not ever look back. You are strong enough to do this and as others have suggested look at shelters in your area. 

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt





Posted 5/30/2012 1:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Lennon, Caren, fox & Kitt. I cannot thank you all enough.

My mood has been all over the place, depression looming more and more.

I woke up extremely depressed today but also feeling that suffocating feeling again. I got to my office this morning in tears, so I called a friend of mine here and asked her to come to my office. She gave me two big hugs, told me to take some deep breaths and she is going to take me to my appt with the local abused womens' centre that I have tonight. I made the appt last week, I know I need to go.

Thank you for the advice about the shelters. I had a friend offer to loan me money so I will see about that.

The hard part is all the back and fourth my mind & heart is going through. One minute, I am clear and focused on needing to leave and believing I can do it; the next I am too terrified and sad to even dream of it.

Kitt~I bought that book some years ago, I will dig it out tonight and read through it. It will help me reinforce in my mind why I need to move on.

Fox, thank you for mentioning seeing the dr. You are so right. These huge panic attacks aren't healthy and I should get checked out. I take for granted nothing is going to happen to my heart, but you are right. This stress is pretty huge and that definitely affects my heart.

You all mean a lot to me. This board has always been there to support me over the years. We are all here for each other.

Anixety is horrible, but thanks to all of you, I am reminded I need to take care of myself to reduce the symptoms.

Hugs,
Mogs
Posted 5/30/2012 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
Mogs,

Reading your post about how you felt this morning and getting to work only to dissolve into tears was like taking a page from my own life as that is exactly what I would do when I was in a bad place with my depression and anxiety.  For me just driving to work I would fight back the tears and the closer I got to work I wondered how I could possibly face my peers.  I also had a friend who would come to my office and help me. 

It makes me feel so sad for you to know you are in this position but I do know that you are stronger then you may feel right now and you have all of us here in the forum to support you.  To be honest, when someone tells me I am stronger then I think I sort of want to strangle them  but that is because I feel so bad right then. I may be feeling  like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders but from past experience I do know that I have faced some awful situations  and made it through  so, yes, I still have strength left to deal with more; just give me a bit of time out.   

Though it seems like it should be easy to leave an abusive relationship, I realize it’s not. You have invested a lot of time and emotions into this relationship and leaving him is bound to cause you to grieve for what might have been so let these emotions in and move on slowly taking it one step at a time.

" Don't be afraid to be amazing"

 

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 5/31/2012 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kitt <3

It made me laugh when you said the part about ..people saying you're stronger than you think...I feel that way also LOL

I am keeping everyone's words with me, and yours mean a lot, so thank you for writing them for me.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply