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Posted 7/17/2012 4:44 AM (GMT 0)
So I decided to join this site because I figure talking to like minded people on anxiety and panic disorder would help me in the end. So here is me in a nut shell

I worry about everything. There it is. :D

But seriously, I do worry about everything from money, to health, to family, but mostly health. For instance 5 hours ago I got stung by a bee on my ear, and it swelled up a bit, grant it it went away but during that time I was freaking out, thinking somehow I came in contact with something incredible ridiculous that would end my life. It took me at least 2 hours to calm my nerves down, and reassurance from my sister (who got stung as well) and my fiance that everything was okay. Also 15 days ago (yes I keep track to see my progress) I panicked about getting a sunburn. Of course this is ridiculous, but my first thought to getting a sunburn was "omg, I am having an allergic reaction to the chlorine in my pool" (which is impossible since I swim in my pool everyday). Of course now I am looking back thinking this is so stupid and ridiculous for me to panic over, but I did.

Honestly I have no clue as to why I worry so much. It drives me crazy and it upsets me that I am this way. A month ago I finally went to the doctors for medication for this, which I hate pills but I was just tired of worrying. The medication is working and I know it because before the medication I would panic each time I went to the store or was around people. Which that drove me nuts. But now I am a bit calmer in social scene, which is awesome because I wanted to be in them instead of avoid them all the time. I do admit that this is an accomplishment for me.

I do know where this extreme panic stemmed from and it all came after a horrible relationship I had over a year ago. My anxiety was at it's worse a year ago to say the least. And grant it I am getting better, but I just want it gone right now with no set backs.

On top of all this, I have been in college for psychology, which seems to drive me nuts as well. Because I am always like "omg, what if I have this or that or this or that or have this disorder or this disease". I swear I have the symptoms of every health problem out there (I don't, but my mind loves to tell me this). It's very frustrating when all I seem to do is worry about my health. I have wrote many pages in my journal as to why I worry and what is so important about worrying that I need to worry about? Heck there were times I was worried about worrying!

The worry of course doesn't happen everyday, like I said I have been keeping track to see my progress, but when I do panic, boy do I go to the extreme. I pace around the house, I talk faster, I can't stop talking, then there are the weird body feelings that comes with panic. shakes, sweaty palms, heart pounding, dizzy, light headed. Which of course does not help in the panic process because I intern start to think that I am sick.

I guess all in all, I am sick of worrying, sick of being fearful.

And to those reading this I hope I didn't bore you, but I needed to vent, and know that people who are going through the same thing are reading this and sharing their thoughts and emotions on this. Which I believe is what I need to help my healing process, is to have people that are experiencing this or have experienced it help me through this.

Anyway there is some of my story.
Posted 7/17/2012 5:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome!

Thanks for writing such a great introduction! It is so nice to have some information about new members so that we have some background and can get to know you better:)

You are in good company here...your post is similar to many members here, including myself. Many of us struggle with anxiety issues that cause symptoms and stir up health anxiety concerns.

I really like that you use postive self-talk to help you get through the rough times when negativity and fearfullness try to take over! (read in your other response post) This is powerful medicine for sure! Have you had any therapy in the past? (or present) I ask because this is often part of a therapy program as it has been proven to work!

I certainly hope that you will continue to post with us! It is really helpful talking with others who understand exactly what you are going through! We are a close community with members here who encourage, help and support each other...so post often.:)

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat

p.s. I totally related to your paragraph on irrational fears...knowing they aren't really possible, but unable to stop the worrying...I once convinced myself that my daughter and I both had rabies...don't ask, lol! ;p
Posted 7/17/2012 5:59 AM (GMT 0)
Scaredy Cat

Thanks for the welcome!

To answer your question, no I have not been to therapy, I have seen a counselor a few times but nothing that proved to be beneficial, but then again at the time I was going because of a few life stressors, not for my anxiety. Most of the therapy I am getting is through many hours and days searching to ways to help cope with worries and anxiety. Plus I have it in my head that since I am majoring in psychology I can figure out a way that will work for me. I am not one that likes going to doctors so that is always my last resort. Which when I went to the doctors for my medication I did it because my nerves were so extreme that I was just over the feeling. Heck, when I was in the doctors offices I was shaking so bad I was having trouble speaking and I was crying, I was a complete wreck.

I have to admit, positive self-talk has helped me, as I said in my other post it was a struggle for a few days when I started doing it. I made a schedule for myself on tasks that I need to do all through the day. For instance, as I stated in another post, I start my day and end my day with a positive affirmations (I am happy, I am confident, I am healthy). I usually repeat this at any point where I start to feel nervous, or when I know I am going to have to leave the house and be around people. I also have a time when I meditate for 20-30 minutes. At this time I focus on just clearing my mind, trying not to think of anything, but if I think of something I force positive thoughts in there. After the meditation, a few hours later, I stop and visualize a place that makes me happy and calm, keep that picture in my mind for as long as I can, then go back to whatever it was that I was doing. The more I consciously make positive self talk the better off I am. And I always remember to smile, even if there is no reason to smile. There are times where I know people may be looking at me wondering why I am smiling, but I keep on smiling, just because it does work.

I am working on the CBT website that you posted in another forum discussion, I am going through the steps now. I was really glad there was a site dedicated to CBT, I know how pricey having a psychiatrist can be. Which I have always known that positive thinking will help, but being able to see the visuals like they have on the site helps my understanding even more.

You will definitely see me around, and most likely when I have another 'attack' I will be posting about it. I keep a journal about all my attacks but here recently it hasn't been enough, so coming here, i believe, will help in that area as well. Plus, maybe my ways of coping my rub off on someone and it will help them. :)

p.s. speaking of rabies, my cat bit my daughter and we both were starting to wonder the same thing, even though our cat is pretty healthy. which reminds me, another reason why I am wanting to get better is because my oldest daughter has a lot of worry and anxiety as well. which in it's own worries me because she is way to young to be worrying, so hopefully I can help her has well. :)
Posted 7/17/2012 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
I am so glad that you are trying the Moodgym/on-line CBT...I hope that you find it helpful!

Yes please continue to post as you are sure to both receive and give support to others here.:)

Keep up the good work, hope to hear from you soon, and wishing you a day of peace and smiles!

S.C.

Lol! Same rabies fear;p  Full story...our cat caught a bat...called animal control, who told me 99% chance the bat was rabid...quarantined our cat, but I somehow was convinced that she or the bat had bitten my daughter...(she did have bug bites on her legs)...long story short, cat was fine and has gone on to catch more assorted vermin!  Ick!!!

Posted 7/17/2012 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
Today I woke up feeling anxious, not sure why either. The feeling lasted for about 3 hours. I tried to figure out why I was having this feeling but all that came to mind was that I was worrying about worrying. :( I am pretty calm right now, but still it was frustrating. What helped me calm down was going to the moodgym website and working on the module that they have set up. Not even sure how that helped, but I think it's because it gave me more insight on why I think the way I do. I have warped thoughts, pretty much negative talk. Of course when I am on the website I know almost everything that they recommend. I am a psych major, and have study a lot on anxiety, but for some reason actually seeing it on the site helped me understand it more. I think my main problem is me thinking that the techniques will help everyone but me, and that something that simple cannot help my anxiety. I'm such a complex person and for some reason I have it in my head that to overcome this anxiety I have to go through something huge and fantastic for it to ever go away, not something as simple as 'thinking positive'. I know why I think this way though. When I was younger I studied a lot in the occult, and a lot of it has to do with positive thinking and imagination and visualization. The thing about it is that I was always raised that the occult is wrong and the beliefs are wrong, so in my mind 'positive thinking' is associated with the occult, therefore it's wrong to do.

I honestly believe that's why I am struggling with the positive self talk, because I am so worried that I am going against God that I wont fully indulge in this simple way to recovery. Yet at the same time the bible does state that what lays in the hearts of a person is who he or she is. So I have this weird battle going on in my head over this.

Weird I know, but yeah it's a struggle that I have been going through for many years. I can honestly say that I know the power of the mind and I know the way a person thinks is how a person feels, yet at the same time it scares me to do it.

Anyone with suggestions? comments? anything to sooth my mind on this?
Posted 7/17/2012 10:18 PM (GMT 0)
So I have been hanging around this site all morning, going through a lot of forums and peoples stories and coping with their anxiety and I just have one question. Does this ever go away?

I know that its normal to have some anxiety, but I mean our anxiety that we suffer from, does it go away? I know that there are ways to cope, and CBT theropy, and positive thinking techniques to name a few. But my main wonder is that will the anxiety go away completely? As in cured? Or am I just going to have to completely accept that it will never go away and I just have to learn coping techniques to help the rest of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be negative about this. I am just a truth seeker so I really want to know.

My heart goes out to all the people who do suffer from anxiety, and I so wish there was something I could do or say that can make it all go away. It's comforting to know that I am not alone in all this, but at the same time it does sadden me. Anxiety is not easy, and I would never wish this on anyone. For those of you out there who are suffering from this, and after reading these forums, there is something that I see. I see strong people, VERY strong people. Not everyone in the world has this, but the ones who do are so strong and so brave. I honestly believe that we could be some of the strongest people in the world, we deal with anxiety everyday and we have to be brave and strong everyday. The other half of the world doesn't have to be as strong as us, they don't have to cope with the stressors that we do.

This may sound odd, and weird. But as much as I hate anxiety, I am glad to be a part of the anxiety community, I am proud to be around such strong people!
Posted 7/18/2012 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
To answer the question about anxiety going away...I consider it a chronic condition, which can improve of course...but something that one will always have a tendency toward.

I have recovered from panic attacks, but still have anxiety and random symptoms. Do I consider myself 'cured' from the attacks? No, I think that it could certainly happen again, but I am glad that I have the tools to keep them at bay for now!

I love what you say about those of us who suffer anxiety being strong...Amen, and I believe it!! I also believe (and have been told by a therapist) that we are intelligent/critical thinkers...so there are benefits as well as the down sides to this disorder.

You mentioned feeling conflicted about using the coping mechanisms (positive self-talk) in regards to your belief in God...I am a believer myself, and have to say that I feel sure that it is okay to do the things that will help us in regards to our health and well being. I believe that we have been given the means to wellness in many different ways...and that our Higher Power...however that represents for us as individuals...would have us use these to our advantage!

I am glad that you have enjoyed and found comfort in posting here at the forum and hope that you continue to do so...talk to you soon,

S.C.
Posted 7/18/2012 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
Scaredy Cat

Thanks for the post :). I heard somewhere as well that the ones with anxiety are intelligent/critical thinkers. Which honestly I am a critical thinker, and that of course at times drives me nuts. My brain is always on the go thinking of different perspectives to life, different ways to go about life, etc. Which it would be awesome if my thinking involved more positive and useful ideas instead of negative ones. Which brings me to how my day ended last night and this morning began.

First off my day was okay yesterday, I was a bit anxious about going to the fair with the family. When I got there I ended up having a great time, with no anxiety, no panic, nothing of the sort. I was enjoying the evening. It was very hot, which made the thought of having a panic attack cross my mind, because different temperature changes at times causes me to panic. Anyway, I didn't panic the whole time and everything was wonderful, until 2 hours after I got home. Around 11pm I started getting tired, very tired (which to me is strange because I am a night owl and usually up until 3am or so). Well I end up going to bed, but my mind would not go to bed. In fact all it did was tell me that I am sick and something is wrong because I am going to bed early. I had to force those thoughts from my mind, even the feelings I was getting in my body I had to force them away. I was doing this by positive talk and trying to reject those body and mental feelings. Anyway, it wasn't long until I fell asleep. Then I woke up around noon today. Automatic panic! "omg I slept over 12 hours, I'm sick, there is something wrong" that's all I was thinking, for about an hour or two. I positive self talked to myself until I couldn't take it anymore, it came to the point where the positive talk was saying that I am mania and too confident ._. So after awhile I finally calm down until recently, when I yawned. Guess what popped in my mind? "omg i'm tired there is something wrong". My mind is so annoying, and what I hate is that I know it's these ridiculous thoughts in my mind that is making me feel bad yet for some reason I cant get them to shut up.

Anyway, I am almost positive that the reason why I was so tired last night was because I did a lot of walking around in the heat yesterday. The heat and humidity is known for wearing people out. Of course I am still trying to convince myself of this. But why so tired today? Obviously it's because I took a relaxing shower when I woke up then crawled on the couch and started playing boring games. Being very unproductive makes me bored, which makes me think I am anxious. yes, for some reason I associate boredom for being panicky. But guess what? Even with this knowledge my nerves are still up :(

Something else that I have noticed which is actually a good thing. Before I started taking medication (a little over a month ago) I was having trouble leaving the house, I panicked and had attacks every time I left the house, but since I have been on the medication, and doing positive thinking, meditation, etc, I can leave the house and go out and have fun. This is where the weird part happens, something flipped. Now when I am at home to long, sitting, playing online games (that never made me panic in the past), is now making me anxious. I went from being in the house an feeling pretty okay, to I can't sit still for so long or I panic. If it's not one thing it's another with me. Grant it, I am happy that I can not enjoy leaving the house and am not panicky, but now being at home is making me anxious...

I know I am ranting and most likely venting as well, and honestly I feel bad for posting all of this because I don't want the 'poor me' label over my head. But getting it all off my chest does make things feel a bit better for me, not even sure why honestly. Lately I have been thinking that I am using this site for a personal journal, and I hate that because it makes me not want to post to much, but being able to talk to people about this is something I know I need. Anyway, my mind is all over the place right now so I am going to stop there before I simply write a book on how I am feeling today.
Posted 7/19/2012 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
So far today has been a pretty good day, there has been a few ups and downs, though nothing I could not handle. I did have a spell over panicking about panicking, which I conquered by positive thinking. Then of course I was a bit nervous over a mosquito bite that I have, it's healing, but still itches every now and again. My mind tried to say it was something horrible, but it's nothing at all, just healing, no infection etc. I have been doing more evidence base thinking the past few days, which has worked quite a bit. If I start to feel anxious I ask myself what is the evidence that proves this? Each time there is not proof of what my mind is thinking is happening, which means my theory of me dying or having some horrific disease is invalid. The more I observe my thoughts, and tell my self to take a step back for a moment and think logically about what is going on, the more I find my mind pretty comical. Grant it, it is disturbing and upsetting that my mind likes to tell me how awful things are, or may be, or how bad my future may be, it is still funny when I look back and seen the weird things I panicked over.
Of course I know that today I am having a good day and thinking positive about all this, and I know one day, maybe soon, hopefully never, I will be back to my panic, nervous state. But right now I can say I'm doing well. I have been participating in the moodygym still, even though I am racing through the modules, I am gaining a great amount of knowledge about my self and the way I think. I believe this knowledge is what is helping me get through all this.

Anyway, just wanted to share my 'happy day' with everyone. Hoping the rest of the day goes this well. :D
Posted 7/20/2012 5:54 AM (GMT 0)
ugh. I have been working with online CBT, and for some reason my anxiety is up. Anyway now I have it in my head that I might have schizophrenia! This anxiety is ridiculous, this worry about worry is stupid. I am sick of it, I wish I could break up with it like I can a friend or partner. Or toss it in the trash like garbage. At this point I am upset over it and aggravated. I really hate this. Lately I have been getting upset over it, not feeling sorry for myself or even crying about it, just plan mad that I have it, mad that my mind makes me worry about stupid stuff that most likely wont ever happen. I am truly bored with dealing with anxiety, with thinking about it over and over. I feel like I am in a horrible lecture in college that I just want to fall asleep to, or walk out from. Why can't my mind just turn the channel and think of something more entertaining than this morbid stuff? ._. I worry about worrying, how stupid is that! It's really gotten me upset. I have been reading so many self-help books and items, and I am just wore out over it.

I think I need to give my brain a rest and go to bed. And tomorrow I am going to do something I find fun, instead of reading more and more about anxiety and worry. Maybe take a dip in my pool, or draw, paint something.

Anyway that was my vent for the time being.
Posted 7/20/2012 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, distraction is good! There is a fine line between being educated about anxiety..knowing all that you can to combat it...and obsessing over it.

It is good that you recognize the need to take a break, so enjoy something fun just for you today. I bet you will have a great time, and enjoy a reprieve from the anxiety.:)

Let us know how it goes!

S.C.
Posted 7/21/2012 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
So today was a bit rough for me. My anxiety was up and my mind was going every direction thinking I have every disease known to man. It took me half the day to finally calm down. I ended up painting with my daughters, and swimming laps in the pool until I was tired. As of now I am fine, I am pretty calm. Painting and swimming really helped. I did try to read but that didn't do anything for me, positive thinking didn't work either, though it did help after my nerves calmed down.

Anyway thought I would update on how my day was.
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